The 20 Worst Toy Makeovers
From Monopoly to My Little Pony - is nothing sacred?
by Jeanne Sager
August 19, 2008
11. Slinky
Couldn't get your slinky to walk down the stairs when you were a kid? The plastic version that's out there now isn't going to do it for you as an adult either. Slinky's makers still promise it will stretch and snap back and make that "slinkity sound," but the only thing stretchy here is truth in advertising. Better still, they call it the "original" plastic slinky. It does stretch, that's true, for the first six, seven or even seventeen stretches. But hard plastic bends in a way that metal doesn't, and the wonders your dad worked with metal can't be replicated in plastic. So slink on back to the store and buy the real thing.
12. Cabbage Patch Dolls
Little girls love their baby dolls — keyword here being baby. So when did the Cabbage Patch Kids become the big sister dolls? Their doughy little legs have been liposucked, and the yarn hair's been replaced with perfect coifs I've yet to see on a real playground.
13. Trivial Pursuit
You used to be the Ken Jennings of your neighborhood. Now it's you against a DVD? The new versions of the game of useless knowledge have dumped the big box brimming with questions in favor of a box that's half the size. They've also dropped the "extra card" sales, so you have to cash in on another version. The incentive? You get a movie that asks a portion of the questions. But Mr. Announcer can't possibly taunt you with the answer that's been on the tip of your tongue quite the way your best buddy can. It used to be the geek's only chance to show up the jock and the musician. Now it's a quick game and you're back to the store for more.
14. Slip 'N Slide Shark Attack
There's just one word you don't use around water and kids who grew up in the Jaws era. Roy Scheider has made wussies out of us all, it's true. But do we have to let our kids show us up in the backyard on a hot summer day? Let's go back to a hose, a sheet of plastic and a long running jump.
15. Tonka Trucks
Nothing says rough and ready for the construction site like a hunk of plastic on wheels. A lot of today's Tonkas are flimsy plastic with a tin shell — okay for the sandbox, but not much use if you're digging in real dirt. Coming soon, the new Tonka truck adventure series: how to dig the missing wheel out of a sandbox!
©2008 Babble
About the Author
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Jeanne Sager is a freelance writer and photographer living in upstate New York with her husband and daughter, Jillian. She maintains a blog of her award-winning columns at jeannesager.blogspot.com. |
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