The 20 Worst Toy Makeovers
From Monopoly to My Little Pony - is nothing sacred?
by Jeanne Sager
August 19, 2008
16. Barbie
Today she's the doll we love to hate, but back then we just plain loved her. Because back then, she was all about the clothes. If you were a boy, you ripped them off and took a peek before you proceeded to give your sister's favorite doll a swirlie in the toilet. And if you were a girl, well, you begged for the Dream House and the Corvette while you changed her outfits over and over and over. You were set for a career as a fashion designer, or at the very least a job in retail. But just went you thought Barbies outfits couldn't get any tighter, you were dead wrong. Now half a dozen Barbies actually have their clothes painted onto their bodies. From collectible "Batgirl Barbie" to the Fairytopia series, the folks at Mattel have successfully sucked out every last bit of creative-play potential.
17. Sit N Spin
When we were kids, we sat. Then we spun ourselves silly. Yes, to recreate the teacup ride at Disney on the living room floor, the little plastic seat with the wheel in the middle was all we needed. Ah, those were the days. Today's kids are treated to a talking seat that orders them to spin — faster and faster. Heaven forbid they really get into the spinning and forget to listen, because, come to think of it, Simon didn't say! The only thing more annoying than Simon horning in on our playtime? Diego telling us how to whirl in Spanish. I'd like to tell him to go spin.
18. GloWorm
He was a squishy green inchworm when he debuted in 1982. Now he's sprouting tentacles and his eyes bear a striking resemblance to a visitor from outer space. The GloWorm's gone from something we wanted to curl up with at night to the creature that's going to send your kids off to nightmareland. Even the folks at Wendy's did better than this with the Glo Friends. They were cute and glowed in the dark! The Playskool versions on the shelves today are just plain creepy.
19. Hacky Sack
Stoners everywhere are groaning and grabbing another handful of Cheetos. The Hacky Sack, that cheap bag of beans that provided hours of amusement has gone commercial. Wham-O's sixty-year celebration has their marketing team in a whirl trying to modernize the classics. The results? A "striker" Hacky Sack that looks like a floppy soccer ball, a "Superstar" with a 32-panel construction, the "Impact" with just three panels and, of course, the classic rainbow bag, now called the "Freestyle." Duuuuuuude. We just want a freakin' bag with beans.
20. Spirograph
The fridge was covered in works of art that amazed the eye — and all it took was one of those colored pens and a piece of plastic that looked like a little gear. Now all it takes is some bidding on eBay, because the shapes, pens and gears — everything that convinced us we were bound for art school — have been scaled down or eliminated in this new version.
Which of your favorite childhood toys has seen a dubious resurrection? Share your gripes in feedback!
©2008 Babble
About the Author
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Jeanne Sager is a freelance writer and photographer living in upstate New York with her husband and daughter, Jillian. She maintains a blog of her award-winning columns at jeannesager.blogspot.com. |
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