The 26 Most Disturbing Kids Movies Ever

How were these ever considered "family films"? by Cole Gamble

June 24, 2008

There are those who believe we must guard and protect children from the hurts and traumas of the big bad world for as long as possible. Then there are those people who believe we should toughen kids up by exposing them to and even pummeling them with terror and depravity. Those people become children’s filmmakers. Don't believe me? Gaze upon the list below and find a hall of horrors to give Wes Craven nightmares. — Cole Gamble

26. The Chronicles of Narnia

There are plenty of reasons The Chronicles of Narnia might scare a kid. Creepy English children, goat men, ham-fistedly overt Christian themes. But the big one, the one that takes this over the top, is violence rendered upon animals. Kids can not stand to watch animals get hurt. They could watch human beings getting plowed down all day long, but you give one beagle a charley horse and here comes the waterworks. The world of Narnia is a talking animal realm, and those chatty beavers and wolves have no qualms stabbing each other like it's a prison shower.

25. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

No, I don’t mean the recent 2005 version, although that is plenty scary. Johnny Depp's unflinching commitment to portraying Michael Jackson should alone be enough to grant a house call from CPS to any parent who dragged their kid to that one. No, I’m talking about the original.  Look past the singing dwarves with jaundice and the constant child maulings; the fear factor in this one boils down to one scene. And you all know which scene I’m talking about. 

The tunnel scene of this movie is the single most frightening sequence in all of '70s cinema. And we're talking about a decade that brought us The Exorcist and Alien. Gene Wilder is simply brilliant in this subversive kiddie classic.  One look at him and there is no way you're believing this movie really is for children. Let me ask you, if Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka rang your doorbell, would you let him in? Didn't think so. He's the pusherman, baby.  A totally Technicolor, sociopathic pimp. In one master stroke, this film says, "Hey kids, this is what dropping acid is like. The first time's free. Enjoy the '70s!"

24. Dumbo

Sometime during his reign, Walt Disney turned to his staff of animators and said, "You know, boys, scientists aren't going to invent LSD for decades, but kids clamor to trip out NOW! It is our responsibility, NAY, our civic duty to blow the minds of American children. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must name names before congress and then go do something vaguely-anti Semitic." From Disney's decree came such psychedelic head trips as Fantasia and the Pink Elephant scene from Dumbo. The real bummer of Dumbo is the abject cruelty Dumbo and his mother suffer from their fellow animals. If you see a single tear roll down your child's cheek as they watch, it’s because Walt Disney just taught her that life is cruel and people suck.

23. Labyrinth

When you think about it, the idea of a Muppet is inherently frightening.  Felt and glass eyes lurching about in a folly of life.  Ironically, the Muppets aren't the least human thing in this movie. That honor would go to honorary space alien David Bowie. Androgynous, sparkle-eyeliner-wearing, spandexed, mulleted, coked-up, full-on Ziggy Stardust-mode David Bowie. Listen, I love this movie, but watching David Bowie sashay around in an enhanced codpiece for hours on end has informed (or malformed) my concept of gender types far more than I’d like to admit.  Luckily, a young Jennifer Connolly is on hand to straighten things out. Did I mention I love this movie?

22. Monster House

This movie makes no bones about it: this is a horror movie for kids. As such, it’s supposed to be an entry-level kind of scary — a scary ride with the training wheels still on. The scares are played for fun and are thankfully not unintentionally creepy/weird/scary like the other movies on this list. One of the best kid movies I've seen in a long time. Unfortunately, I couldn't watch it with my child because it would scare the hell out of her. But the man-eating house . . . pretty cool.


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About the Author

author bio Cole Gamble is a writer living in Portland, Oregon. He's working on an evil self-help guide titled Improve Your Life or Die.

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