A Touchy Subject
Childhood masturbation is as natural as it is embarrassing.
by Nancy Hamilton
March 12, 2007
Okay, I admit it. I would rather touch myself in front of the Pope than talk openly about masturbation. But having children has forced this issue upon me and now I find myself having explicit conversations with other mothers, regarding our children's, ah, personal interests. And, just to clarify here, I'm not talking about adolescent children, I'm talking about toddlers on up to say, six or seven years old — at which point they begin to, thankfully, develop the virtue of social embarrassment and cease to stimulate themselves unabashedly at the grocery store, during play dates, in front of Dora the (other) Explorer and, worst of all, in Nana and Papa's living room.
That I didn't know young children actually masturbate, I assume, had to do with my own memory lapse. Although my parents were liberal about many things, I don't think masturbation was one of them. I'm sure theirs was not a moral objection, just something they viewed as so mortifying it was worth putting an end to with a harsh reprimand. As a new parent, I shared their point of view that it was embarrassing behavior, but ours was a household far too enlightened and child-centered to use negative reinforcement in an attempt to end an act of healthy self-discovery.
When I saw that it was becoming a more frequent, and seemingly intentional behavior on my daughter's part, I wasn't quite sure how to deal with it. My concern may have been based on my own sexist assumptions about such behavior. From the beginning, I was determined to raise my daughter with the girls-can-do-anything-boys-can-do approach. I just didn't know that at a very early age, anything would include that. My friends who were parents of male children seemed far less surprised by their sons' self-stimulI knew girls could do anything boys could do. I just didn't know anything would include that.ating activities. In my conversations with moms of little boys, it was all about the pointing, prodding and pulling — starting at a very early age. They talked about it matter-of-factly — sometimes even with pride that their little angel found "his favorite toy."
During a routine pediatrician visit, I worked up the courage to broach the subject. I saw right away that I had provided our doctor with a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dull day full of vaccinations and strep cultures. My reluctance was quickly countered by his sheer delight. First, he asked, "Does she bring herself to orgasm?" WHAT? She was a toddler, for God's Sake. What a perv. And how would I know? I calmly told him I didn't know, but she just seemed to do it quite often. I added, "I thought it was just a phase, but she keeps doing it." He smiled and asked, "What made you think she would stop?"
It turned out my pediatrician's glee at having the opportunity to discuss this issue was due to the fact that he had written a professional paper on the topic, one that he had the nurse give to me at the end of our appointment, titled "Masturbation in Early Childhood." I was relieved to see the word "early" in the title, since at the time of our conversation, my daughter was barely a year old. I had no suspicion of anything sinister. There was no question of possible abuse, (a worry often associated, among other symptoms, with excessive self-stimulation in children). Instead, I worried whether this was normal behavior for a child so young. Later, normal developmental milestones aside, as my daughter grew into a two-, three- then five-year-old, my worry vanished and I was just left with acute social embarrassment.
©2007 Nancy Hamilton and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Nancy Hamilton is the pseudonym of a writer living in the south. |
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