The Internet Makes Mommy Mean
Message boards can bring out the worst in us.
by April Peveteaux
March 19, 2007
Schnore suggests doing what she does when an online member pisses her off. First
she takes a deep breath."I've learned not to act immediately. If
someone is doing something that is really inappropriate on the list, I'll
say okay, that was really bad and I'll write an email that will be really
crazy and then I'll save it and sit on it until the next morning and I'll
delete it and say something much more appropriate."
Not surprisingly, Wiss believes that my conflicts may be neutralized by a meet
and greet. "There is a level of appropriateness that changes when you can
look at someone in the face and realize that what you're starting to say
is not coming across so well. There is body language and a level of understanding
that you're also talking to an individual." I conjured up the visual
I had created of Eleanor: tall, thin and schoolmarmish, she stares down at me,
her pointy eyes disgusted with my baby's plastic toys off-gassing in her
air space.
Dr. Suler agrees that the lack of context and body language make for most misunderstandings
in an online community. "There certainly is a lot of ambiguity in text
communication, due to the lack of vocal cues, facial expressions, and body language,
all of which enrich in-person conversations but are missing online. As a result,
it sometimes is easy to misinterpret what people are typing online. It's easy
to project meaning into a person's message based on one's own expectations, fears,
and wishes."
I wished that this irritation could be solved in another way than actually understanding
Eleanor more. But I knew I had to give it a shot orShe said anyone who said anything bad about the Bugaboo was just jealous. I was doomed to smuggling
my laptop on vacations and to parties just to feed my unhealthy obsession. So
I bit the bullet and emailed Eleanor to see if we could meet in person. We settled
on an early morning coffee klatch.
It was a beautiful day and I was feeling optimistic. Peace would be restored
to the list! Never again would I tense up whenever I saw a RE: from Eleanor.
In hindsight, perhaps I was setting myself up for failure. As Eleanor greeted
me, I thought she seemed sweet — maybe a little too energetic for 8:30
in the morning, but sweet. I began explaining my side of our initial squabble.
Her response: "You know, a lot of people wrote to me saying 'thank you'
after I wrote that email." We weren't off to the best start.
Eleanor went on to explain that all the members of our group were probably property
owners, the only distinction being whether they bought before or after the real estate
boom. The implication being: everyone on our list should be able to afford organic
baby clothes and to offer their nannies $15/hour plus vacation, meals and travel.
She also said that anyone who said anything bad about the Bugaboo was just jealous.
It all started to become a buzz in my head after she told me she didn't
vaccinate her kid. All I could think about was getting home and washing my hands.
Her reaction to everything I said was a patronizing "Well, we all make
our choices."
©2007 April Peveteaux and Nerve Media
About the Author
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April Peveteaux is a writer, editor and sometimes performer. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband, son and daughter. |
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