And Baby Makes Four
My daughter has two moms, one dad, and no complaints.
by Miriam Axel-Lute
November 15, 2007
"Why do some kids have three parents?"
A group of our friends were spending a weekend at a cabin in the mountains, and our hosts' not-quite-three-year-old was starting to do the math. Over the squalls of nap-resisting toddlers, her mom responded without missing a beat: "Because they're lucky."
Living in a committed multiple-adult household always takes some explaining. In a nutshell: My wife and I were college girlfriends and had a commitment ceremony more than ten years ago. Our husband joined our family in 2001, and we had a three-way wedding in 2005. We own a house and car together and are equal co-parents (or as equal as you can be when one person is breastfeeding) to our one-and-a-half-year-old daughter.
It used to be that the most common questions we got when we explained our relationship involved jealousy (not a problem, but an understandable question) or sleeping arrangements (why this is so often the first thing people think of is beyond me).
But once I became pregnant, things changed. No matter how traditionalI've definitely been known to describe our current set-up as having my cake and eating it too. the person or how new the idea was to them, we'd most often get a pause, a misty-eyed look, and then, "That sounds like a good idea. I could have used an extra parent."
I've definitely been known to describe our current set-up as having my cake and eating it too: I work from home, my husband works out-of-the-home, and my wife stays with my daughter. We get to have two incomes, neither of which would support the family on its own, and a stay-at-home parent. I get to do work I love and continue to breastfeed, without even pumping.
Of course, about the time last December when the flu was cycling through the house and my daughter was on a nebulizer and holiday presents needed wrapping and we were calling my mother-in-law to help us with overnight shifts because she's comfortable sleeping upright in a chair like the baby needed, we certainly all shook our heads and wondered how anyone does this with only two parents.
©2007 Miriam Axel-Lute and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Miriam Axel-Lute is a freelance writer, editor and poet. She is an
award-winning columnist for Metroland, and lives in Albany with her two partners and daughter. Her website is mjoy.org. |
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