Basic Instinct
I wouldn't hurt a fly. Then I had kids.
by Marisa Cohen
December 19, 2006
And I was completely sympathetic when my friend Elise told me about her own mom-on-the-street meltdown: She was crossing Eighth Street with her two month old when a car started backing up right into their path. "He came within an inch of the stroller, and I went nuts," Elise said. "I started pounding on his window and screaming. I really wanted to shatter the window, reach in, and break his arm." Elise's husband calmed her down long enough to let the driver get away with all his appendages still attached to his body, but I bet that guy checks his rear-view mirror for Bugaboos before pulling out of a parking spot these days.
Of course, I feel somewhat conflicted about all of this. In all other areas of my life, I am just as opposed to violence as any left-leaning former English major should be. I don't even like to walk by posters for those Saw/Hostel/Apocalypto movies, much less sit through them, so where is this violent blip in my psyche coming from? I called Kathleen Kendall-Tackett, a professor of psychology at the University of New Hampshire who has written a bunch of books about motherhood and stress. As a mom herself, Kendall-Tackett was sympathetic. "What you're describing is a very common phenomenon," she explained. "That urge of protectiveness is such a visceral reaction that it almost bypasses any cognitive awareness." She points out that in new mothers, it may be related to the production of oxytocin, which is the hormone of attachment. "Moms often feel that protective urge before they even feel the first gush of love," she adds. "It's geared into our survival as a species. You see it in a lot of mammals."
This theory makes sense to my friend Jeanne, who says she almost attacked a pediatric intern two hours after her son was born, when he had the nerve to tell her she couldn't nurse her baby because she didn't have any milk (I guess he missed the day in med school when they talked about babies happily sucking down colostrum until the milk comes in). "My husband almost had to hold me back. It's like you've never been that protective of something in your life," Jeanne told me. "You will absolutely kill someone if they mess with your child."
Well, blaming this on biology does make me feel a little better. I picture our Neanderthal ancestors, a hundred thousand years ago, standing guard outside the cave, ready to spring into action to protect their babies from marauding hyenas and crocodiles. Since packs of hyenas and crocodiles generally don't wander the streets of New York, we modern parents simply transfer that maternal instinct into shielding our kids from marauding bike messengers. It is a little disconcerting to know that after all these years of Darwinian progress we are still basically seething cauldrons of survival instincts. But I guess that's how we've made it this far.
©2006 Marisa Cohen and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Marisa Cohen is a freelance writer and mother of two girls. Her work has
appeared in Glamour, Time Out New York, Self, Parents, Fit Pregnancy,
and More. She is the author of Deliver This! Make the Childbirth
Choice That's Right for You — No Matter What Everyone Else Thinks. |
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