Equality Now
Today's men do it all. Where does that leave women?
by Jessica Francis Kane
February 8, 2007
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in possession of a baby must be in want of a helpful husband. This was the dream of my generation. Why should fathers be off the hook?
Well, ladies, we did it. We are now probably the most helped, most supported, best understood generation of mothers America has ever known. The government and business world may be lagging behind, but individually, husband by husband? A lot of us got what we wanted.
So how does it feel?
A few weeks ago my daughter, almost four, said to my mother-in-law, "Mommy doesn't know how to make dinner." My husband, who does most (okay — all) of our cooking, was going to be away for a few days. My child was worried about who would feed her. When she told her grandmother, I was embarrassed. I stammAt some point I looked around and wondered if I would be able to manage everything if I had to.ered something about how I used to do more cooking (four years ago), but lately, well, no. "But I do all the laundry!" I reminded them.
Most days I feel blessed to have a husband who wants to cook. He enjoys it and he's good at it. We've come up with what seems to us an equitable sharing of family and household responsibilities, so why can't I just admit that I don't cook? I used to have a pathetic little routine in which I claimed to be the "sous-chef," but I stopped that the night I couldn't find the colander.
For a long time I believed the question of how much help I would have in motherhood was up to me — a matter of desire on my part, not ability. I wanted help from my husband, I got it, but then at some point I looked around and wondered if I would be able to manage everything if I had to. Sometimes I think I could handle the house and children, but then I wouldn't be writing at all. Or I could write more, but then I'd need more help with the house and children. (I won't even mention the yard. What an overrated, burdensome contrivance that is.)
©2007 Jessica Francis Kane and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Jessica Francis Kane is the author of the story collection Bending Heaven. Her work has been broadcast on BBC radio and has appeared in Virginia Quarterly Review, McSweeney's, and Brain, Child. She lives in Charlottesville, Virginia, and is a contributing writer for The Morning News.org. |
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