The Home Front
With my husband in Iraq, the kids and I fight our own battles.
by Korinthia Klein
April 2, 2007
Mona was only two when Ian left for his training in Texas. She'll be starting school by the time her dad finally comes home. The changes she has undergone are the most difficult for me to try and describe for Ian. When he came back from Texas for a couple of days after being gone for a month, the two were already having a little trouble connecting. He poured syrup on her waffles for her and she threw a tantrum. I had to explain that she had learned to do that on her own in his absence. I don't think at this point Mona remembers her dad as a member of our household, and I worry about what she'll make of him occupying his place at the table when he returns.
Aden was four when Ian left and she misses her father desperately. When she sees other children playing with their dads, she's quick to tell them she has a dad too, but that he's deployed. The weekend after he left, I took Aden with me to the store to pick out any picture frame she wanted so that we could put a nice photo of Ian by her bed. She was excited by the idea, but when we got the frame home and put the picture inside, she became very quiet. The next morning, she hid the picture in our family room while the rest of us were still in bed. When I asked her about it, she said, "When I see it, I just want my real daddy in my room and it makes me sad." He's grown in her mind into a more perfect version of himself. When Aden and I don't get along, she tells me how when daddy gets back, he'll make her happy.
And it's not getting any easier. Both our pet rabbits died last year, which Aden lumped with her father's absence into a great ball of grief. The other day, when IIan used to email me about once a day. Since the "surge," I hear from him far less. asked her to say goodbye to a little girl she was playing with, she burst into tears and said, "I don't want to say goodbye to the little girl! I'll miss her! Like I miss the bunnies and I miss daddy and all the things I've lost!" She cried in my arms, repeating "I want my daddy" over and over while Mona playfully ran in circles and Quinn looked on serenely.
Ian used to email me about once a day. Since the "surge," I hear from him far less. There was no corresponding surge in any of the supporting areas, which means he has much more work to do every night. Every few weeks, if I'm lucky, I get a phone call from him, usually late in the evening. I used to think it would be nice if he called early enough so that Aden could talk to him too, but at this point she just wants her daddy home, period. Anything short of that she sees as a cruel tease.
For my part, as much as I miss him, I've started to worry about how we'll all adjust when he comes back. He's missed a great deal here, but our experiences aren't beyond his imagination. I can't fathom what he's going through. There's now such a large portion of his life that I don't share and can never understand. I'm worried that when he comes home, the kids and I won't recognize him completely, that he won't know us.
Last night, Ian called. He sounded exhausted, but he can't tell me much about what he does these days — it's classified. So we just talked about the kids and I tried to paint a colorful picture of our day — laundry, diapers, giggles, time outs, meals, baths, bedtime. And while we were talking, I suddenly realized with great clarity how I have the better end of the deal. I know that seems obvious — he's a soldier at war, after all — but I've been so overwhelmed and isolated that it's been easy to forget: I'm the lucky one.
©2007 Korinthia Klein and Nerve Media
About the Author
|
|
Related Articles
|
|
Korinthia Klein is a violin maker and mother of three in Milwaukee, WI. She and her husband are currently collaborating on a book chronicling both their experiences during his deployment in Iraq. |
|
|
-
by Logan Hill
Why I'm happy to pay for help.
-
by Joel Schwartzberg
One night in the life of a custody arrangement.
-
by Sasha Brown-Worsham
Having a baby changed my stance on abortion.
|
