Presents, Please
Why I don't believe in "no gift" parties.
by Amy Lutz
October 29, 2007
There are certainly practical reasons for "no gift" parties. Jaime Gusdorff chose that route because she has found that many birthday presents tend to be "stuff you either don't want your kid to have or stuff they already have." If her two daughters are desperate for something she and her husband think is appropriate, they either buy it for them or let grandparents or other family members give it to them on birthdays or Hanukah. And as the mother of five myself, I can certainly sympathize with the desire to reduce the amount of unwanted clutter in the house. When my twins turned one last June, I seriously considered asking guests not to bring any gifts. After all, with the hand-me-downs of three older siblings representing both genders, Aaron and Gretchen truly wanted for nothing. And it seemed like the perfect opportunity to get out of writing thank-you notes, which I hate more than anything else in the world. Furthermore, the twins certainly wouldn't miss opening the gifts the way my older kids would, so it was really about what I wanted.
And the truth was, it saddened me to think of a birthday party without presents. There's nothing more exciting, more full of potential, than a wrapped gift. It could be anything — yes, something your kids already have, or something with a thousand pieces you know will be irretrievably dispersed throughout your house, or even worse, something with Play-Doh. But it might also be something clever or original, something your kids didn't even know they wanted, something that might spur an entire new interest. We've received some very special gifts over the years: adorable outfits that have passed from child to child, books that have become beloved favorites, charming decorative items that make me think of the friend or family member who chose them every day.
Of course I'll grant that most of the hundreds,Kids learn to be gracious hosts by thanking their friends for presents they don't really want. maybe thousands of presents our kids have been given are closer to Play-Doh than to anything truly spectacular. But that's okay. Play-Doh can be donated to charity. Or it can be re-gifted (virtually none of the moms I surveyed were offended by the idea of re-gifting). I just think the advantages of exchanging gifts as a practice far outweigh the inconvenience of disposing of some unwanted toys.
Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, who opposes "no gift" parties, points out that kids learn to be gracious hosts by thanking their friends for presents they don't really want. For me, helping my children choose gifts for their friends that they think their friends will like (instead of picking out what they themselves covet the most) has been, and continues to be, an important part of teaching them to be considerate, empathetic and generous people. Now, my six-year-old daughter Erika will often linger at the close of a birthday party to ask the birthday girl to open our present, she is so excited about what she picked out. It's a big step up from the pre-schooler who couldn't watch her friends open gifts without crying out of frustration and envy.
©2007 Amy Lutz and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Amy S.F. Lutz's work has appeared in dozens of
literary journals, including Cream City Review, The American
Poetry Review, Puerto del Sol, and Mid-American Review. She and
her husband have five children. She and her sister chronicle their two-family household in the blog whoelsewantstoliveinmyhouse.com |
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