Elliot, George and Sedgewick are vegetables with flaws. The edible protagonists of The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything haven't done much with their lives, and they know it. Busboys at a dinner theater, they aspire to act in the big pirate show, a far-fetched dream at best.
Elliot, a dead ringer for a pickled Hulk Hogan, is a cucumber who fears everything. George is a spineless grape and Sedgewick a lazy couch gourd. But everything changes when a magical ball drops from the sky and summons the wilted bunch back to the seventeenth century to battle real-life pirates. Enter Princess Eloise, a leek who, in desperation, enlists the ne'er-do-well group to rescue her brother from the deadly hands of an evil uncle. Like the yellow brick road trio, each piece of produce eventually overcomes his weakness and does right by the girl.
The Veggie Tales series of television shows and videos are faith-and-values-based programs, but since they're going for the masses with Pirates, we hear nary a mention of Jesus. One wonders if the Veggies could have used a little divine intervention, as the humor fell a bit flat. Our little ones barely giggled. Still, the story is cute enough that parents won't mutiny. Lessons encountered along the way: a real hero comes in many forms, a cistern is not a swimming pool, and never trust a rock. —
Cary Fagan
