I was recently harshly reprimanded by a relative for calling my young toddler Chubby, Chubs McGinty and Chubby Chubs and, okay, once Greedy Guts (she eats all the time!). Apparently this relative was traumatized by being called fat names when she was younger. But my daughter doesn't even talk! And babies and toddlers are supposed to be fat! And eat all the time. It's cute! Am I wrong? — Mrs. McGinty
Dear Mrs. McGinty,
Sure, babies are "supposed to be" plump and squishy. In fact, many parents worry considerably if their baby isn't round with big cheeks and chubby little toes. We've all heard the expression "a big, healthy baby." Acknowledging the bigness and chubbiness of a baby could be seen as an affirmation of vitality. If you were in sub-Saharan Africa, you'd be accused of bragging.
But in our culture, we have complicated feelings about being "chubby." Especially when it comes to girls. You might say your relative has a chip on her shoulder, but it's a pretty common chip in a world where fat is a liability. We can imagine why a mother calling her daughter chubby might send a shiver. And if Chubby's loaded, Greedy Guts is downright hardcore. Now you're bringing in appetite as an undesirable trait. (Guts doesn't have particularly nice connotations, either.)
Many parents — even if they try their hardest not to — project a future appearance based on early impressions. People predict baldness, double chins, acne, ass shape, torso length, and upper body strength all from the shape of their squirmy, gummy infant. In this context, you can imagine how Chubby might be perceived as a projection of future fatness, rather than a term of baby endearment. Nicknames can also sometimes endure inadvertently, turning nasty later. The names behind your relative's aforementioned shoulder chip may have emerged from similarly benign beginnings.
You may really mean this all in playful adoration of your daughter's abundance. But it's worth taking this opportunity to think about whether there might be something else going on. Are you afraid she will be fat? Do you have anxiety about your own weight? Most women do. We live in a very thin-obsessed and incredibly unhealthy culture when it comes to body image. It's understandable that you'd want to protect your daughter from potential angst. Perhaps using those names somehow makes you feel like you're fighting back against all that pressure. If that's the case, we applaud your intention, but as she grows, you might consider something less easily misinterpreted. It's true that she's young now, but she's learning every day. Why not start early with more positive messages?
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