Computer games for babies? Why can't my son stick to torturing the cat and walking around the house with one of my bras hanging from his mouth? But okay, since it helps "acquire social cleverness and tools of communication," I guess I better gather up my feral petit garçon and try make his "acquaintance with social norms and values" before he starts hurling his scat around like a chimpanzee.
We started with Giggles Computer Funtime for Baby: Shapes. I watched it first, and after about a minute, though I'm basically the just-say-no type, I had a sudden urge to listen to Hendrix and plug in the lava lamp. This baby software is wacky, man — depending on which key you hit, triangles or squares or stars or circles float around, change color, size, and explode to a variety of songs, with the occasional, nonsensical appearance from an animal. Between the kaleidoscope graphics and the soothing music, my brain turned to foam. As for my fourteen-month-old, who completely dismantled the vacuum cleaner as I installed the software and was covered in dust by the time I put him on my lap to experience "simple cause and the first time you watched Teletubbies and had a brief moment of panic about those mushrooms you ate for dinner? Well, Comfy will inspire a similar reaction. I with "Birthday Party: First Steps in Social Interaction" for an hour. During this time, I found myself navigating the bizarre world of little boy Comfy and his friends Snaily (both a snail and a postman), Feely the elephant, and a bunch of other comfortably numb weirdos. I, personally, would have loved this interactive party as kid, as I liked being transported to different worlds, and Comfyland is leagues away from northern New Jersey. The polite English accents made me long for my friends in London and their astonishingly well-mannered kids — who say things like, "How lovely to see you!" and "That would be splendid!" Comfy says unjaded and un-American things like, "What a beautiful day!" I really liked the optimistic sweetness of the Comfy stories; it was refreshing not to be in the slick, cool world of most modern cartoons. And my son? He loved the keyboard, so much so that he unplugged it from the computer, took it in the other room and tried to take it apart.
I guess I should be bummed out that my baby boy is missing out on the "delightful things happening on screen," but he just can't sit still, ever. Is his inability to enjoy baby computer games going to demolish his self esteem or keep him from someday having a seat on the stock exchange? Probably not. For now, his world is one of constant movement, full of objects that he can roll, drag or slide around. And though baby software claims to "improve memory and self expression" and "strengthen the child's confidence and positive self-image," I'm willing to risk my child's development for now, and renounce him to the wild and unruly 3D terrain around him. Call me prehistoric, but his time sitting in front of a screen will come soon enough — according to statistics, at least four to six hours a day in front of the computer and TV for most kids. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no TV or video for kids under two. Some studies have shown that even having adult TV or electronic media on in the background interferes with a tot's play, and that too much screen time helps foster childhood obesity and the attention span of a gnat. Mostly what toddlers need, say doctors, is human interaction, ideally with their parents.
Not that baby media is the root of all evil. True, some studies suggest that the rapid pace of programming alters brain development, but there are other studies that directly contradict this. Perhaps when he's a bit older, my son will have fun amusing himself with the likes of Comfy, if he can ever slow down long enough. But to be honest, I hope he's too busy climbing trees and digging holes in the yard to give a hoot about computer games.