MILF, Minus the FILF
Babymama told me last night that she got MILFed. Yup. She was pushing the baby along Broadway (technically, the baby was in a stroller) when some young ruffian whizzed by in his sports car and shouted “MILF!” at her.
Babymama was thrilled, naturally. And of course who wouldn’t be?
The fact of the matter is – okay, hold on a minute. Babymama is now yelling at me to make it clear that she was not, repeat not, thrilled at this unprovoked instance of sexual harrassment. In fact, she was highly offended that some strange man would shout such a thing at her. And she wants to make it clear that such behavior is completely unacceptable, despite how truly luscious she might look, as she sashays down the street looking totally hot. Got it?
Anyway, like I was saying, I don’t blame Babymama for being, at least momentarily, flattered by this sudden public instance of objectification. Women’s bodies change so profoundly during and after pregnancy. What’s more, they become largely defined by their roles as mother, rather than wife (or lover, or totally hot love object). They need to know that they are still desirable.
For what it’s worth, I’ve tried to let Babymama know that she’s still desirable to me, that she looks scrumptious, despite her silly complaints about those few pounds she can’t shed, and that even if she didn’t look scrumptious (which she does!) I would still find her sexy, because she’s got a sexy soul. Yes, you may cue the Barry White.
I won’t say I’m thrilled with the dude who shouted “MILF!” at Babymama, but I can certainly understand his point.
Of course, this leaves unresolved the question of whether anyone has shouted “FILF!” at me from a moving vehicle since Josie came into our lives. Or, for that matter, “DILF!” or “PILF!” The answer is no. Not once have I been sexually harrassed as a new father.
Believe me, it’s not for lack of trying. I’ve tried everything: tight jeans, tank tops, styling gel, a strict moisturizing regimen. The fact of that matter is, I’ve become invisible to the ladies.
I hope this doesn’t sound like a complaint, or worse, a cheap plea for pity. I’m totally fine with the idea that my sex appeal has completely dried up to adult women. Honestly, it makes life simpler. No more women oogling as I wash the car in my unitard, or brushing up against me on the subway, or mistakenly grabbing my ass in the supermarket because it reminded them of “a ripe melon.” I’m not a piece of fruit, after all. Or a piece of meat. At this point, I’m more like beef jerky.
So that’s where things stand. Babymama is a MILF. I’m beef jerky. We’re very happy together, though obviously not kosher for Passover.
Oh, man, the image of you washing your car in a unitard is priceless. Thanks for the laugh. I mean, the, er, sensual fantasty fodder. Right.
And for the record, it is objectively true that BabyMama is totally hot.
Well, having known babymama for…half my life which is a reallllly long time, I am in full agreement that she is a MILF. She was a MILF before she was a M. Would that make her a GILF? WILF? Anyway, you get the point.
If enough people compliment babymama, I WILL have to post a photo. (Of her, I mean. Not me.) Unitards unite!
b.d.
I’ve never met her, but I’ll bet she’s totally smokin’. BRING ON THE PICS!!
Oh, let me tell you, from back in the day when I met babymama, all the boys pined for her. All of them. Just look at her! She hasnt aged a day either. Bitch. I say that lovingly, however.
While BabyMama is a milf (isn’t there a cute picture around here somewhere? in a previous entry?), I’m been haboring a crush on BabyDaddy for months now.
So, the ruffian thought she was a member of the Moro Islamic Liberation Front ? Does she carry a Kalashnikov when walking the family sprat? Did the ruffian resemble Michael Chertoff? Time to watch your back and sweep the house for bugs.
Rikki
Send her a GushyGram from MushyGushy.com. Then, you’ll see what a good reaction to a “pleasant” compliment is all about.
THe unitard comment is going to leave me chuckling all day. I say, if you post a pic of babymama then to make all things equal, you post one of babydaddy in all your unitard glory.
Can I get an AMEN, ladies?
Baby Daddy your hilarious! You should have your own sitcom.
You don’t get more opposite sex attention as a daddy? My babydaddy seems to, all he has to do is whip out his phone with pictures of the baby and he’s surrounded by a close pressing horde of giggling and awwww-ing girls. Scat!
Oh…
As one of the boys from back then (way back then), I can verify and attest that babymama was smokin’! I can only imagine that motherhood has improved upon the original.
And, Kurt – you didn’t go by the name of Skyywalker, did you?
For the record, both Babydaddy and Babymama are hot stuff, baby is hot stuff, and all in all you make a family of hotness (whether or not the harassers will say it to your face).