Josie here, with a dispatch from the super-exclusive, invite-only birthday bash of the year. This was the ticket all the Hollytrash wanted, but I held it in an undisclosed location in a city north of NYC. Honestly, Manhattan is so over.
But look, I don’t get paid to make small talk. You’re here for the images, so let’s roll tape…
I call this one, One Is the Loneliest Number: Ode to the Existential Angst of the Zero Age
(Subtitled: Kill the Hat, People, and Bring the Fucking Cake Already)
I call this one Caloric Restraint, American Style
This one doesn’t have a formal title. It merely begins to capture the sadism that lies beneath all of these alleged celebrations. As in: Dudes, it’s my birthday. Ergo, my cake. Get it over here. Now. No, I don’t want any frickin water. I want that whip cream frosting in my piehole.
Ah, that’s much better. Now if you could just quiet down and quick taking, like, seventeen photos a second, I can quietly and not-unhappily slip into a sustained sugar-shock. Thanks for that.
Okay, cake down, presents to go. I was hoping for one of those super slutty Bratz Dolls, but apparently Jasmine was busted over the weekend, in a crack sting, so they’re out of stock at the moment. I had to make due with, like, 50 other gifts, all of them officially approved by the American Council on Plastics. (My dad made me write that last part. What a blowhard.)
Me, chilling with Grandma Sue. She’s the one who put on this bash, so I got nothing but love for her, and all the other guests who came by and mooched some of my cake. Because isn’t that what birthdays are all about? Massive confusion in the general direction of luv…
Hilarious! I am so inspired to throw our Jude his first b-day bash now. I was in a panic over it for a while, but all you need is cake!
Happy birthday, Josie!
Love the humongous cake.
shes one already?!?!
i dont believe it…
Hey! I even see my legs and Chucks in the second to last pic! It was so good to see you guys on Sun, and the party was fun….thank you for entertaining my boys, they are still raving about Josie’s dad, fun times. I sent Erin the videos, veddy cute. Oh yeah, Erin is looking hotter than ever. Just sayin.
And your little girl? I could eat her with a spoon…if she would stay still long enough.
Fantastic seeing the beautiful you tonight. Brielle wanted me to be sure to tell you to tell Josie that she made that doll for her. Neo wanted me to be sure to tell you to tell Josie that the cookies are all organic and good for her. And, Chenyari wanted me to tell you she loved getting big ups from you after she shouted out during your reading, although I told her to tell you she was sorry for her outburst. Kids. Luv u!
You baked Josie a Fucking Cake for her first birthday? I thought that cake was for the parents, honoring their efforts in producing the child. Here in the heartland the child gets a Birthday Cake while the parents get to “have their Fucking cake and eat it, too.” Metaphorically speaking . . .
Rikki
Wow, one already! Happy Birthday Josie. Keep motoring little girl.
I would be remiss if I neglected to comment on the enormity of that cake. It was bigger than Jos….close to Sandy, almost. Yikes.
Aww. What happened to the days of setting the whole cake on the baby’s high chair and watching them go at it? My mom has a whole album of cake-haired kids.
Wouldn’t be surprised to see someone do an international montage and enter it on AFV for the $10,000 prize.
Josie seems to be saying, “What’s all the fuss? Haven’t you people seen cake before?”
What the pictures didn’t show was Uncle John, after he moves the water cup, pulled the cake right up to Josie and she dug in to that whipped cream with both hands! This event was priceless!
Oh yeah, Allie, we found your boys shoes.
Thank you GPaw, I will be seeing you tomorrow for those shoes…….
happy birthday Josie!
mine just turned one too!