Cry Baby
Elsa is really starting to get on my nerves. I know, I know, I’m not supposed to stay stuff like that. And most of the time she is, of course, delightful. But it seems like she’s doing a lot more crying and whining lately: to be picked up, to be fed, to be given her cup or bottle, to be taken out of her high chair.
A couple of times over the past few days, she’s even thrown all-out tantrums. This is definitely a new development. Both times, she was in her high chair eating and then suddenly — seemingly out of the blue – started freaking out. We tried giving her different food, holding her, giving her her cup, etc., but she was, for a few minutes, inconsolable. She even kicked and flailed when I tried to hold her. So finally, we just let her walk (more like stomp) around the room crying and screaming until she calmed down.
I have no idea what she was upset about. Her food wasn’t to her liking? Her peas and carrots clashed? She was worried about the economy? I don’t know if it’s normal for 14-almost-15-month-olds to start throwing tantrums, but if it is (please tell me it is….) I would wager it’s due to communication frustration. There’s so much now that she can tell us — she knows the sign language for “drink” and “eat” and “more.” She can lift her arms up when she wants to be held and shove a book at me when she wants to be read to. She even sometimes points at her rear end when she needs to be changed — a new and promising skill. But I’m sure there’s much more going on inside her head that she can’t get across: I’m sick of mac and cheese! This bib is scratchy! I’m tired and bored and my college savings funds are nosediving while you sit there trying to get me to eat chunks of over-microwaved Boca burger! Agggghhghghgh!!
My instincts tell me that at this stage of the game there’s not a whole lot we can do during these outbursts except just give her some space to cool off. As for the other, more low-grade whining and crying, I don’t know. Since day one, Elsa has been a bit of a drama queen (not that I’d ever dress her in a shirt that said so…), and her crying has always seemed somehow very *emotional.* I love the fact that she’s passionate and intense and stubborn. But it’s definitely becoming more of a challenge. Although I am generally able to keep my cool (“Everything’s OK, sweetie, Mommy’s getting your milk right now, please be patient,” or “Mommy can’t pick you up right now because she’s changing Clio’s diaper, but I’ll play with you as soon as I’m done” etc. etc.) – the occasional, “What is up with you, Elsa? Chill, girl!” does slip out. I’m beginning to have dire visions of the future — tantrums in the grocery store, battles over bedtime, notes sent home with the principal, squad cars pulling up to our house with — OK, OK, I’ll stop.
At least this is one time where the twin thing is a comfort. While Clio certainly does her share of crying and whining, too, she’s generally much more mellow. So at least we can be reasonably sure that Elsa’s behavior isn’t a result of our doing something horribly, dreadfully wrong. I don’t think…
At my baby’s 15 month checkup, my pediatrician warned me that the Terrible Two’s actually start at 15-18 months. It was true for my first son, but luckily he was pretty good during the 2′s when he got a better vocabulary. It’s still too early to tell with my 10 month old twins…but you got me thinking/dreading those months ahead. One of my twins is already a high maintenance crier. Yikes! Good luck with that.
In my experience it seems as though when kids seem to be getting frustrated and lashing out they are actually on the brink of something new and exciting. It’s kinda like they know its there, they just can’t quite get there yet and that is frustrating and emotional for them. Of course this is revealed in different ways. I’d venture a guess that Elsa is close to some new milestone. Meanwhile, the misery continues.
I have a 16 month old and she’s been so much fussier lately! I’m hoping she’s on the edge of something new like edh said, like talking. I’m looking forward to real words because maybe then I’ll understand what she wants, although I doubt she’ll stop talking once she starts. Or maybe she’s just picking up on my pregnant mood swings or somehow knows she’s getting a sister in the next month….Either way, you have my sympathy!
I was just talking to a friend of mine about this – her 15-month-old has been much more challenging lately, and she mentioned that another mutual friend had always found 12-18 months difficult. My friend’s 15-month-old is also just barely verbal, and she thought it was a communication thing.
I am SURE that So.ren is going to throw tantrums soon – he already kicks his legs wildly when you divert him from his favorite pastime (finding hazards). I am now frantically trying to get my (and B’s and the babysitters’) signing game ON. Though signing doesn’t really allow for sentiments like “please, lady, less oregano!”
Don’t worry- my little one started her tantrums just after 12 mos. She has always been difficult so it didn’t surprise me a lot, but I was a little taken aback that tantrums started so early. And her tantrums are really bad-she collapses on the floor (usually hits her head in process making her even angrier) and screams and kicks over nothing and there is NOTHING at all you can do when she is like that. For example, she is opening and closing the door and I move her and she loses it. Sometimes it seems the tantrums are for no reason at all. I have given to just ignoring her which also doesn’t make her stop but paying attention to her does no good either.
Michael is almost 14 months and he’s been throwing tantrums for a little while now. I think that limited vocabulary + limited patience + any little obstacle = MELTDOWN. His are usually pretty short lived. I let him go through it, either assuring him that I understand or telling him to get past it! I hope the tantrums don’t get worse at 15 mos!
Along with all the other comments, I agree that it is probably a lack of verbal and physical skills at a time when her receptive language is much farther ahead. My son who has always been very mellow, was an absolute nightmare from 14-16 months, but as soon as he could talk very well (luckily it happened at 16-months ish) he has been wonderful ever since. And then he turned three a couple of months ago and I mostly loathe him.
My youngest was the worst cry baby when she was younger. Now, as a teenager, she is the mellow one and her sister is the one I’m having the biggest problems with. go figure.
i don’t know why, but this post more than any makes me absolutely desperate to see elsa and clio again!!! hey–movie premiering @ tribeca film festival april 25th. maybe ya’ll can meet me at nobu for sushi.
Ah, yes. The tantrums have definitely begun! I’ve been blaming the whining and foul moods on all those molars the two of them are working on (7 between them!!), but the tantrums are definitely something different. I realized that I’m completely out of my depth here, and so have begun reading toddler book after toddler book. Big mistake, they all make the next two years sound so dreadful!!
My little brother had such bad tantrums when growing up that he’d pound his head on the ground and end up with goose eggs and bruised foreheads for days. My parents were always mortified when they had to bring him out in public looking like that. So be thankful for what you have ; )
[He also stole and ate our dog's biscuits. But now he's a successful investment banker with a wife and a house so there is hope ; )]
My twin daughters are 17 months old and their tantrums started around 12 months. What worked best for me was a combination of time outs and ignoring the tantrums (I watched them out of the corner of my eye to make sure they weren’t hurting themselves). Now sometimes if I say ‘do you think you need a time out?’ they’ll voluntarily sit in the corner until they calm down.
My daughter started throwing full-on tantrums at 12 months. Totally par for the course. Hang on and enjoy the spirit behind that tantrum. And hang on. Red wine helps, too.
THANK GOD IT’S NOT JUST MY KID! Holy cow! My son gets so mad his face will turn red and he literally shakes his tiny fists! It’s insane! Whoever came up with the “terrible twos” label is probably the same person who said pregnancy lasts only nine months!
Thanks for a mind-easing post.
when in doubt, blame the teeth. those damn teeth. i blame them for everything. when they are all present and accounted for, i am totally screwed. might have to face the tantrum music.
I’d cry too in that hat.
Don’t knock the hats 4:34. I couldn’t possibly be upset for too long with children who exhibited such sartorial wit.
I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Elsa is clearly just imitating her favorite twin role model (me). At least she does not (and yes, I DID do this) get SO angry that she just forgets to breathe, turns blue, and then passes out. (Obviously, once I passed out, I resumed breathing, and also, the pediatrician said this was normal, even though it totally flipped my mom out. Because what you have to do with cases like that is IGNORE the child so they don’t learn to suffocate themselves to get attention. Clearly, my parents did that, because I totally remember to breathe now.) Apparently I used to do this when I got really angry as a baby before I acquired the words to argue.
Just wait until she acquires the words to argue. Then call me and I’ll babysit so you can leave the house and scream. Or blog about it from a coffeehouse with WiFi far away. Far, far away.
I am very glad to know that this is par for the developmental course!
For the record, Elsa is the one who insists on wearing that very silly hat. I suspect she’s doing it with a touch of irony.
If it gives you any hope, my son was such a drama queen for his first three years of life that I routinely referred to him as “King Lear”, but he’s five now and he’s great. So even if it’s not simply a stage but also a bit of her basic personality, it doesn’t mean she’s going to be like this forever, or at least not in exactly the same way. My son will occasionally insist on major bandaids for tiny invisible wounds, but at least he doesn’t freak out at food any more.
I have to tell you that reading this post this morning gave me SO much relief. My son is a little over 16 months and he has just started having tantrums for no reason. Taking the cover of his raisins today started him crying. Just stuff constantly and as a dad, it’s been very difficult for me. To hear from others that apparently this is normal at this age makes me feel SO much better. You really have no idea how much better I feel knowing that although it’s difficult to get through, it IS normal.
And btw, to the mom who said she now “loathes” her son, that’s a horrible thing to say about your own kid.