Food fight!
We’ve got some eating issues in the Baby Squared household lately. In the interest of A.) Making sure I’m not the only one out there going through this B.) Letting you know that you’re not the only one out there going through this, and C.) Getting free advice, I feel I should share.
The most annoying problem by far is the throwing of food. Lately, when the girls don’t feel like eating something, instead of just not eating it, they drop or fling it onto the floor. Broccoli? No thank you. Get the wretched thing out of my sight, please. Flick, fling, plop. Then they make the “more” sign in hopes that I will give them whatever it is they do want to eat, usually fruit, yogurt or Annie’s cheddar bunnies. When they’re feeling particularly punchy, they just start wiping their trays clean, flinging everything onto the floor. (Walls, etc.; while cleaning the other day I had to pick encrusted bits of mac and cheese off the windowsill with my nails — what was left of them post crib-sheet changing, that is.)
This is Elsa’s specialty, and we respond to it by sternly saying no, food is not for throwing, it’s for eating, etc., and take her tray away for a little bit, then give her another shot a few minutes later. The typical result: she eats a little more, then starts flinging again. Rinse, and repeat. It seems like despite our efforts to be “strict” about this one — eventually, we say OK, that’s it, meal’s over — it doesn’t seem to stop her from letting out her inner John Belushi the next time around. She knows it gets a reaction. So, what to do? Are toddlers this age capable of learning table manners or should we just let them act like Visigoths? (No offense to any Visigoths out there; I’ve just heard your table manners aren’t the best.)
The other issue is snacking. And this may be the cause of the uptick in pickiness / food flinging at mealtimes. Increasingly, it seems, the girls ALWAYS want to be eating. Clio seems particularly bent on carb-loading in the afternoons (a girl after my own heart). “Kah-ga,” meaning cracker, is one of her favorite words. I try to give her things like fruit and cheese as snacks if she’s already had crackers or dry cereal, but the girl will whine and fuss until she’s got something flour-based in her maw. Maybe I am just giving in too quickly. But she is damned stubborn. And do you know just how annoying a toddler’s whining is? Of course you do. And you know how much easier it is to give the kid the damned cracker rather than try to distract her with educational activities or take the time to cut up an apple and then convince her to eat that instead. It’s even worse when two toddlers are whining at once, like they’re going to DIE if you don’t give them more cheddar bunnies RIGHT NOW.
I suspect that I’m giving in too quickly to their demands. I know kids this age need snacks, but I’m guessing that we shouldn’t let them “graze” as much as we do. On the other hand, they seem awfully damned hungry. (But maybe it’s just an oral fixation thing?) I’d love to hear from the masses: Do you put limits on how much your little ‘uns eat between meals, or are you spineless like me? Does it matter? Am I setting them up for a lifetime of poor eating habits?
In the meantime, I’m about to embark on a perilous outing: I’m going with the girls, in 95 degree heat, to a toddler-filled birthday party for 4-year old twins (whose hand-me-downs make up a good part of Elsa & Clio’s wardrobe!), sans husband. All I can say is: I hope there’s beer.
I hope there was beer too. Or wine. At the very least chocolate. Seriously, if you replace any reference to your children with my son’s name, it would be the same story we are experiencing here. Cooper turns 19 months in a few days and he is bent on making tray wiping an olympic event. We have three dogs, so any food he doesn’t want he knows they will eat. They lurk like shaggy vultures knowing there will be something. I think it is a developmental phase. I know that he KNOWS he shouldn’t do it, but doesn’t quite get the repercussions of doing it. We try the same correctional things you do, but the behavior doesn’t really go away. There is a direct correlation for Cooper between this kind of behavior and his level of exhaustion/boredom. If you come up with any good solutions, please share!
Yep, I’m right there with you. My twins fling everything on the floor, whether they love the food or not. They don’t seem to understand the firm “no!” yet; they are 15 months. Not sure where to go with it, but it sounds like nearly everyone has the same problem. I wish I had a solution for you.
Mine also eat CONSTANTLY. I don’t think I would worry about it, since you are feeding them healthy foods. I mean, if they were loading up on cake and milkshakes, I would probably tell you differently, but I’m of the mindset that lots of fruits, vegetables, and dairy can’t do too much damage as they are growing so rapidly.
Good luck!
I am in the exact same boat with my 15 month old. If anyone has any ideas beyond draping my house in tarps, please share. Thanks for posting about this. I’ve been googling the issue to no avail.
I read somewhere (maybe Babycenter?) that you should end the meal immediately as soon as something gets thrown, but that seems extreme to me. I agree with the previous poster that it may be developmental behavior, and this seems like too harsh a response. I am also fairly certain she would starve to death.
Thanks in advance to anyone who has mastered this.
i have one thrower (out of two). i, too, have heard the when they throw then the meal is over bit. i try to do this by taking away the tray but if i take her out of her chair then that is the ultimate reward for throwing. she wants out of that chair. what to do. my kids (18 months) are also carb freaks. i do “scheduled snacks” otherwise they would be eating all day. they also would pick the annie’s cheddar bunnies (those are delicious, are they not?) 100% of the time over any fruit. or even cheese. also, for the birthday party. wall to wall 4-year-olds? that could be a blessing for you. my kids are obsessed with the bigger kids. at a party this weekend they were groupies to a band of 3-year-olds…i was husbandless. and ok. and i drank wine.
SO glad to see this post. My 18 mo boy twins do the exact same things – throw food and snack all the time. I’ve tried ending the meal, taking away the tray and timeout but nothing seems t o work. I was even so frustrated one day I said “NO!” and smacked my hand on the table. Then they started smacking the table and laughing…I had to laugh myself too! Needless to say, still throwing food. I usually take it away and explain why (not that they understand but I try to remain calm). I’ve also tried ignoring the throwing but that doesn’t really do anything either. At least we now know that this is normal behavior! thanks for the post.
Lots of throwing food here, especially when they are tired or not very hungry or if the meal goes on too long. When they get in that mode we usually try to give them a couple pieces at a time, thought then it’s harder for us to eat. And lots of explaining. I read somewhere that when they throw food you take them out of the chair, make them help you pick it up, and put them back in, but it sounds like too much work to me.
We have scheduled snacks. So 5 meals a day, breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, and dinner. Eating only happens in chairs, or occasionally on the mat in the kitchen (or in the stroller if we’re out a long time). The only thing they have outside of these places is water. That cuts back on wanting to snack all day long because they don’t want to be restrained.
So happy Im not the only one at my wits end. I am right now apres a 3 yr old birthday party, solo, with my 16 month old twins running amuck. There was ONE bottle of champagne…. What was she thinking???? Needless to say I am exhausted and finally enjoying a long awaited glass of Sauvignon Blanc. Ditto on the tray wiping and the food trowing followed by (them) shouting NO NO! and smacking the tray…. Ohmmmmm, serenity now…. God let this stage pass already. “They” say that it passes around the 18 month mark but who are “they” anyway? Oh and Baby Center I am fairly certain is published by a conglomerate of people hellbent on making you feel and look like a crap parent to underdeveloped children. What? Your child doesn’t have 75 words in his vocabulary at 15 months????
My son is moving away from this behavior, but not quick enough for me and he was exactly like your girls: fruit, yogurt, Whole Wheat Goldfish.
Babycenter says that if children are playing with food like that end the meal because it’s a signal they aren’t hungry and it stops the behavior. Here’s what I did: take him down from his booster seat and tell him, “Please give that berry/chicken/pea to Mama and let’s throw it away. We don’t throw food on the floor.” At first he would pick up 100% of everything, then he might pick up one thing and run off, but if he wants to eat again then we start it over. The behavior is mostly gone now.
At that phase I bought a bunch of fruit that I knew he liked, made a big bowl of fruit salad and gave it to him often. My logic was that between milk, fruit, and Whole Wheat Goldfish, he wouldn’t die. I let him snack when he’s hungry because his appetite waxes and wanes so much I’m just happy when he eats at all.
Hmm…I don’t remember how we handled the food throwing/tray wiping phase. I remember it happening, and I know it ultimately passed by age 2. (She’s 4 now – it’s amazing how short my memory is for these things when they seemed so all-consuming and important at the time). I don’t remember finding any magic solution, but it definitely stopped. So – never fear, it is developmental and it will pass pretty much no matter what you do!
As for snacking, we did “scheduled” snacks, too, using the same schedule as her day care center on the days she was home. (We did that with naps, too, for consistency’s sake.) Her appetite varied, so sometimes she ate a TON at snack time (yogurt, fruit, toast) and sometimes she nibbled three cheddar bunnies and said “all done.” I think kids know when to stop if they’re not hungry, so as long as the snacks are healthy, it’s OK if they eat a lot sometimes and only a little other times. Evie is still a fruit/dairy/carb-itarian and she seems to be healthy and growing just fine.
We noticed that whenever Evie was eating a lot, she was sleeping a lot, too, and then she would grow overnight. Are Elsa and Clio going through a growth spurt?
I’ve never commented before, tho I SO enjoy reading all your humorous descriptions of the exact same things my 20-month-old daughter is going through. And yes, she commonly vigorously wipes/flings food off the table. What I’ve been doing, because she’s in a booster seat sitting at the table, is immediately push the seat back so she can no longer reach the food, telling her the reason I’m doing it. Oftentimes she’ll tantrum to the point where I think she’ll topple the chair, but usually after 3-4 minutes, she wants to continue eating and I tell her I’m only moving her back to the table if she’ll eat the food, rather than throw it. It seems to correct her behavior for the remainder of the meal, but not permanently – by the next mealtime she’s flinging yet again. “Rinse and repeat” indeed.
My 2 1/2 yr old is just getting out of that (the throwing thing). I’ve stopped a bunch of the snacking in the afternoons – I know the articles say that they NEED to snack because their bellies are tiny, but they also need to eat real food at least once a day and no afternoon snack has been my key to that. This was hard at first, but then we got really strict on eating (even snacks) at the table, instead of wandering around the house and leaving a little trail of crumbs, and he accepted it pretty quickly. We do have an early supper though – so it’s not like I’m starving him. He’s not a great, great eater – but much more of the supper food goes in his mouth now than before.
My twins are older now – 3 – and I don’t remember having huge issues with throwing food, although it did happen. I do believe in ending a meal when they are not actually eating their food. Whether they’re throwing it or just playing with it for a long period of time instead of eating it. Honestly, I’ve only had to end a meal two or three times at the most before they got it that their behavior was unacceptable. And they won’t starve. If they’re hungry, they will eat. My daughter has had many mealtimes where she hasn’t eaten anything and our doctor has agreed that you need to look at the big picture of what they are eating throughout a week rather than what they eat each day or each meal. I try to always serve her something she likes, along with the other stuff that I want her to eat, but I really try not to make exceptions like making her an entirely different meal than the rest of us. Of course, there is a limit, but I think you will know if your child is not eating enough to stay healthy.
If you think that they are behaving that way because they just want out of the chair, then just let them out of the chair, but no more food for them. If it’s a family mealtime, then take the tray and have them wait in their chairs until everyone else is finished. Another mom I know told me that she was advised to give the child their entire meal at once and what the do with it is their business (eat dessert first, throw it on the floor…), but they don’t get more. Seems like a lot of likely clean up to me!
As far as snacks, I offer my kids their favorite carb snack (cereal, bunnies, pretzels…) and carrots, celery or fruit. There is a limit to how much of the carb they get (and when they finish it, they don’t get more) and they can have as much veggies or fruit as they want. Sometimes they only eat the carb, sometimes they are hungry and want more so they eat all the good stuff too.
I hope I don’t sound militant because I am far from it, but good eating habits are very important to me and trust me, whatever you are setting up with your kids now in the way of giving in and accepting bad behavior will greatly influence how things go at two, three and beyond. Try to put your foot down now so that they know that you are serious about good food habits.
I can totally solve the first part of the problem: Get a dog. I’m not sure how other parents live without one!
i just wrote about this on “how do you do it”: http://howdoyoudoit.wordpress.com/2008/06/08/food-fight/. same title and everything! if you haven’t already, go out and get “child of mine” by ellen satter. very good advice that has been working really well with my 16 mo. twin boys. my guys were constantly panhandling for food and after reading the book i put the kabosh on it. it ruins meal times and it’s just bad behavior. after a few days of doing three meals, two planned snacks, and endless “you already ate and the next meal time is after we go to the park. would you like some water?” things are much better. as far as the food throwing, we give them one warning, which is never heeded, and then the meal is over. no exceptions, no going back to the table.
It’s good to hear I’m not alone! I didn’t realize I should be doing scheduled snack time – good idea. Our guy is 13 months (overachiever as far as delinquent babies go) and we constantly tell him not to throw food on the floor and he’ll respond by picking up a piece of food, looking me straight in the eye, and dropping the morsel on the floor with a dramatic flourish. Where do they come up with this stuff?
Oy, good luck at the party. Michael is very greedy. He eats his food and if he catches either his dad or me eating, he has to have some of that too. Yesterday he almost ate a whole box of animal crackers. I say “all gone” and put the box out of sight or reach and for right now he’s cool with that. He walks around saying “aw gah.”
As for food flinging, he would if I gave him the chance. He flings dirty spoons and whatever is near when he loses patience. I’m too much of a control freak to let him throw food. I usually do most of the feeding. When he’s done, he’s done and we don’t push it. He will probably be the only kid in 5th grade who can’t use a spoon.
(Actually, he can use a spoon pretty well, despite his mama.)
Ya, flinging totally normal. That said, I noticed he and the other babies didn’t do it at daycare because they know its not allowed, so I am a toughie. Since about 15 months I say, “Hugo, if you throw food, dinner’s over.” Or breakfast, or whatever. And I stick to it. He gets one, maybe two warnings, and if food flies, I move the high chair out and take him down gently but swiftly. Honest it got a few cranks and a few times before it stuck, but now he knows mommy is serious about this and food doesn’t fly. I don’t obsess if he doesn’t eat it all, or hardly at all, but he isn’t allowed to throw.
Maybe I am a hard ass? But only on sleep and this.
Oh and yeah, we have two planned snacks and that’s it, but that’s also taken from daycare. But it’s hard not to give in when they are pleading for crackers!!
I’ll never read your blog again!
My dogs need to go on a diet for all the baby food they are given/scrounge. One of them literally spends the entire time my son is in his high chair just staring at the floor, waiting for the food to magically appear.
We also do not allow it, but the message is sinking in only slowly. But seriously, as others have said, dogs are the answer.
I can’t believe I’m mustering up the energy to respond, my 17 mo old twins have WIPED me out this week, and thank god for Grammy, who is taking them at 3pm overnight so Daddy & I can go to Fenway (and thank god they moved game time up to 6pm so I might make it thru w/o falling asleep in the bleachers).
Throwing food has become a huge problem in our house. Today they probably could have used a morning nap but I pushed them, and they were so tired during lunch that Ethan has literally nodding off between bites. They were too tired to toss food, and it was the most glorious meal I’ve had in weeks. Sad, huh?
And yes, I took my dog Chloe to the vet this week and she has gained 10 lbs since last spring. Yikes.
Our daughter isn’t as old, she is only 2, but she certainly doesn’t have the hang of not throwing her food. From what I hear from other parents, it’s definitely a Toddler thing – we tell her that it’s not OK to throw food, and we make her help us pick it up. Even if she refuses to actually pick anything up, we basically sit her in our lap on the floor until all of it is picked up – she hates to sit there. I hope that eventually, as she begins to understand cause & effect more, it will dawn on her that throwing her food results in the less desirable “cleaning up” the food that she threw. Then, she’ll stop throwing food! At least, that’s the philosophy. We also, of course, tell her firmly that food is not to be thrown. When she dumps her entire bowl/plate/whatever onto the floor, we usually tell her “Oh no! All gone!” and if she’s hungry, she’s offered whatever we have left once she has had a few minutes to realize that she dumped her food, and that means she has no food.
It’s possible that it’ll get worse before it gets better around here, but I guess we’ll deal as it comes along. She’s also a big snacker — her love is cheese — and she will eat it all day long if I let her. My mother and I have begun a system where if she’s had cheese before earlier that day, and we’d like her to eat something else, we’ll give her a smaller amount of cheese and something else. She doesn’t get more cheese if she asks unless she eats the other part of the snack (or at least tries… not as easy to enforce with a 2yo!).
My philosophy is really that, at this age, there may be an oral fixation but she’s probably just hungry if she’s asking for food. She hasn’t really learned the whole “eat a bag of potato chips in front of the tv” thing yet, so no mindless eating for her… if she wants to eat, I let her eat, but we really encourage new foods or combinations of foods.
I gave up, and just let my kids graze when they are hungry….BUT I made it something I wanted them to eat (and I fully recognize that this won’t work with everyone). One of their favorite snacks still is toddler chow: cereal (or bunnies, or goldfish, or whatever there is running out) mixed with freeze-dried fruit or veggies. When I take them for a walk in the morning, they each have their bowl of chow and I refill as necessary from a gallon-size Ziploc bag. They’ve been doing this for a year now, and no one is overweight and mostly happy depending on the day. I also just keep a bag mixed up in the van in case we are running errands later than planned, so I don’t have to run through fast food when they are getting crabby. (I also keep Horizon’s milk in boxes in the van too)
And yes – I go through so much freeze-dried fruit and veggies this way that it makes more sense to buy it in bulk than to buy it locally(Just Tomatoes)! I should mention that the crew gets fresh perishables too, but this combination has worked well for us.
(twin girls 3.5, and their 10.5 mo younger brother)