FameCrawler Conspiracy Theory: Is Tom Cruise Really Suri’s Biological Father?

who is this man, and why is Suri in his hair?

There are a few conspiracies floating around the FameCrawler water cooler lately.  We’re only human, we see things. Theories evolve.  Wheels spin.  Blood is spilled and tears are shed.  You know, it’s a job.

The latest idea to raise voices and eyebrows (offered up by someone much smarter than myself) is the uncanny resemblance between Miss Suri Cruise and one William Mapother.  Mapother, as you may or may not know, is Tom Cruise’s cousin.  His straight cousin.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.

We’ve all heard the rumors, Tom Cruise is gay and/or sterile.  Some even go so far as to suggest he may be crazy, or, gasp, short!  Can you believe some people? 

It’s not beyond the realm of possibility to consider that Xenu may have willed Cruise to seek out a bit of help in the baby-making business. Think about it.  Remember how easy it was to accept that Tom and Katie don’t share a bedroom, let alone a bed.  I’m guessing many a reader nodded in a knowing and understanding manner.  The dots are all too easy to connect.

Belly up to the water cooler, dear reader.  Tell us what you think.  I wrote a little poll about it.  Like to hear it?  

Here it goes: 

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2 Responses to FameCrawler Conspiracy Theory: Is Tom Cruise Really Suri’s Biological Father?

  1. Anonymous says:

    Ever wonder why some babies look like totally unlike their daddies? Ever have a sneaking suspicion that the dad of record, may not be the dad that wrecked her? It all started with the Mapother-Cruise Conspiracy Theory … but we suspect there's a

  2. Anonymous says:

    Now Kelly Preston wants to get with child. Did she whisper this in a husky, lust filled voice to husband John Travolta over Bartles and Jaymes Fuzzy Navel wine coolers? No. They announced it together to People magazine. At a Narconon Rehab fundraiser

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