The Reviews Are In: Britney Sings Like A Robotic Blow-Up Sex Doll
After weeks of leaked tracks and offhand criticism, the official reviews are coming in for Britney’s comeback album. And although many of those reviews are positive, there are still plenty of critics out there.
“She comes off like some machine that bleeps and bloops out an airy array of
oohs, ahhs and groans,” Jim Farber writes in the New York Daily News. “If a blowup sex doll could sing, this is
what she’d sound like.”
Ouch.
He adds: “In terms of studio trickery, Paris Hilton‘s album was
practically Unplugged compared to this.”
Ooooh. Double OUCH.
Still, it’s not all bad. Farber says that even though “she may no longer dance with flair, lip-sync on cue, keep her dress down, or
even be judged a suitable mom… Britney Spears can still turn up on some
slammin’ new songs,” he writes. Okay, that’s sorta bad – all the more when he qualifies it by stating that those ‘slammin’ new songs should really be credited to slick production rather than robust talent: “think about this: How wonderful it is that, in the world of slick pop, even if
stars can’t deliver, the machine behind them still can.”
So she’s a bad dancer, bad dresser, bad mom – and a mediocre performer who’d be lost without her production team. Too bad she doesn’t have a production team for parenting and life skills.
Uh, wrong-o.
I never listened to pop before this album. I don’t care what machine made it, this album is hot.