The internet is chock full of information for expectant mothers. You can find lots of remedies to soothe an itching belly, hundreds of explanations of the powers of the doula, thousands of posts about Braxton-Hicks contractions. Bookstores offer dozens of books targeted to first time moms and dads. What there’s not enough of, in my opinion, is hands-on, practical tips for how to handle a second pregnancy when you’ve got another kid under two barreling through the house.
Well, in the last few months, I’ve created a few of my own.
Do not expect to nap.
Instead of a two weekly prenatal yoga classes and daily walks, a monthly class and a frequent dose of downward facing dog and toddler chasing will suffice for stretching and working out.
Lower your expectations. If you knit three baby blankets and a hat and two pairs of booties while pregnant with baby number one, just washing the spit-up stains out of one of those blankets can be considered a big accomplishment during pregnancy number two. I’ve started a blanket for the second baby but, at the rate I’m going, and given the “help” I’ve received from Axel and from the cat, I anticipate finishing it up by his first birthday.
Puking at a playground is not so bad. Just turn your head to the side and wipe your mouth nonchalantly. The parents at the playground are used to bodily fluids.
Find ways to tire out your kid without tiring out yourself. The zoo is not a good choice – you’ll walk more than your toddler will. A fenced-off playground with a bench is a perfect choice – you’ll be able to sit for five minute intervals and the kid can run. I suspect that a doggy daycare would be ideal, as it’s enclosed and full of dozens of a toddler’s best friend to romp with until boy/dog exhaustion, but the doggy daycare people won’t let me try it out.
If you work outside of the home, going to work will probably be more relaxing than being at home and chasing a toddler. You can sit down and take bathroom breaks whenever you want. Do not give this up.
Do not let your partner go on an extended weekend trip with the guys once you’re past the 28th week of pregnancy (unless it’s an extended weekend trip that includes the toddler). Being alone with a toddler for over 24 hours is not a good idea when you probably shouldn’t be lifting anything over 20 lbs, let alone sprinting down sidewalks in flip flops after an 18-month-old who thinks that playing chase is just what the doctor ordered for your leg cramps.
In general, being alone with an active toddler for just 24 hours in your third trimester should be avoided. If you, like me, can’t avoid it, then relax your standards about TV watching, eating snacks away from the table, and cleanliness. Letting a few boogers go unwiped, putting on an Elmo video, and ignoring the crumbs that you can’t lean over to clean up is worth it if it gets you ten minutes to put your feet up.
Kiss the feet of willing parties who will babysit for free. Now is the time to call in any outstanding favors.
During the pregnancy, you will question your sanity, again and again. It is possible you are insane, having willingly embarked on this with knowledge of the high energy level of your first child and your dislike of the state of pregnancy. Just try not to dwell on it.
Expect to share all of your snacks with the toddler.
Do not expect to be pampered. That special treatment stuff you got with baby number one? There’s no time for it now. A morning shower is all the relaxation you’re going to get.
So, what tips would you offer to pregnant mamas with toddlers?
I can’t even imagine. Though I’d love to have another one, I don’t think I’d even attempt it before Michael turns 3. Taking care of him is already almost too much.
Hang in there, you’re almost done. My heart goes out to you!
Good to know.
I hope you get a nap sometime in the next week.
I’m 24 weeks pregnant with baby # 2 and I have a 19 month old son. What drives me crazy about this pregnancy is that I have to take my toddler with me when I go to the ob doctor and I can hardly pay attention to whatever he/she is saying during the visit. Oh, how I miss those doctor visits when I could ask questions, and just listen to what the doctor had to say.
Stock your cabinets with easy to prepare food your toddler will eat that won’t activate your gag reflex.
Find places to take your toddler that will allow you to observe him or her while sitting at least a portion of the time – there are some great indoor play spaces that make this possible on alternate Tuesdays when Venus aligns with Mars.
Go to bed when your child goes to bed, even if that’s 7PM. You need the rest!
Yet more reasons why I want to wait a little longer before I even consider getting pregnant again. I have a hard enough time chasing after my insane toddler without the weariness of pregnancy.
I’m 22 weeks pregnant with a 19-month-old toddler. I’ll take all the good ideas I can get.
One thing I can offer: We went to a dear friend’s out-of-town wedding this weekend. We weren’t comfortable leaving our son in a strange place with a new sitter. But we really wanted to enjoy our evening. So we hired a sitter and brought her along with us. It felt decadent, but it was pure heaven to see her hop up and chase my little guy down when I was exhausted and just wanted to sit and sip my juice and catch up with old friends. My husband felt the same way.
1. Nap, nap, nap. Go to bed early. This may be tough if your child is not a napper/sleeper and it stinks to have virtually no alone time with your significant other. However, you will preserve your sanity by getting plenty of rest.
2. Don’t overdo it during the day, even if you feel like you have the energy. Work/play with child for 15 min. (even if you don’t finish the job), rest for 15 min., repeat.
3. Keep your outings short… 1-2 hours (that’s all a young toddler can handle anyway).
4. Take any help you can get and don’t be afraid to ask your significant other (if applicable)for help. They may notice that you’re tired, but not know how to help, so let them know how they can ease your burden.
HA! These are excellent tips. Awesome advice.
ha ha. great list, I will keep this in mind when I am in your situation!
Thanks for the tips!
I still can’t stand the smell of Axel’s blueberry yogurt, and I’m not ashamed to admit that 8 pm is often my new bedtime – and that I am spending a lot more time on the couch ignoring unfolded laundry. We have an indoor play place near our house, and the first time we visited, all the moms appeared to be expecting.
Oh Oz, I’m laughing as usual but I feel for you! Hang in there…
Spend as much time one-on-one with your toddler as you can…however exhausting it may be, you’ll look back on the days of just having one child and think…man, we should have done more of that. It’s bittersweet, but soak up one-on-one time while you can. Before long…three becomes four and there’s no going back to three. =)
Ha! I love your laundry comment! I am pregnant with #3 with a 3 year old and an 11 month old and it always seems like folding clothes is the one thing I can’t get to.
At least they’re washed!
Put your toddler to work. Examples: “Toddler, could you fetch Mummy a diaper/the baby powder/that soother over there/a scotch on the rocks?”
Oh man, I hope my husband doesn’t read this. Then I’ll never get to have another kid! I keep trying to tell him that it wasn’t that bad the first time around, and he looks at me like I’m nuts.
Hang in there! You’re doing great – hanging on to your sense of humor is really impressive.
I just stumbled upon this, and am cracking up! (They are great tips though) A wicked sense of humor got me through pregnancy no. 1 – hopefully won’t worry about pregnancy no. 2 for a year or so, minimum!
I vaguely remember playing a game with my Mommy (at her roughly 8 months pregnant with my brother, I was not quite 2.5 years) where she’d ask me to bring her things and I would and would get lots of hugs and kisses and stories read in return, more than I ever wanted! Found out much later that Mom was under Doc’s orders to “sit with feet up or I will put you on bed rest so fast your head’ll spin” and THAT was one of the many ways she figured out how to get me to, well, help.
I had a 2 1/2 year-old while pregnant with baby #2. Our first order of business was potty-training! She was willing and interested (and old enough), and for my sanity and pocketbook, I was glad to only have one in diapers at a time! Also, we got her out of the crib very early in my pregnancy so she didn’t feel so bad when her crib became the new baby’s crib.
I also got my first child a baby doll to pretend with. It really helped when the real baby came for my daughter to have her own baby to care for.
oh my gosh, i am so glad that googling “second pregnancy” brought me here! i’m ttc#2, and my daughter (18 months) is VERY high-energy. this is the best, and probably the most accurate, list of second pregnancy tips i will ever see.
Ha ha i love this, my baba is 10 months and we are expecting baby number 2 after xmas…am i insane…yes, but my partner agrees i used up all the pampering and excuses in my 1st pregnancy…
I am also contemplating my second pregnancy. My son is 3 now. Read about it at http://becomingmotheragain.blogspot.com and help me resolve my dilemma.
Loved reading this. DH and I are thinking about #2, and our DD is 6 months old. I’m 34 and he’s 39, so we’re not getting any younger, and our energy levels certainly aren’t increasing either. Anyone have good advice on two under the age of 2? I’m concerend about being lumped into the “advanced maternal age” camp.
I found this thread to be very comforting that someone else is feeling my pain (exghaustion). I am currently 36 weeks and have a 23 month old and my only advice is to relax about the mess and enjoy this pregnancy and your little one as much as possible. Good luck ladies.
Just found out baby number 2 is on the way! My first just turned 3 year old he now knows there is a baby in my tummy but doesn’t understand why I won’t take it out so he can play with it. When I asked him if he wants a girl baby or boy baby he responds a train baby. We’ve got some work ahead of us. So far hubby tells me not to expect the royal treatment, however he has made dinner and did a laundry the first day. I fully expect that will be the first and last. Can’t wait to experience the joys of a newborn once again….!