Raise your hand if you have ever stared at a parent in some
public place or another, with their hand nestled a foot thick under a soft
looking leash attached to a toddler. Go
ahead. Raise it. Now raise your hand
again if you’ve ever silently vomited and swallowed it back down again, at the
idea of EVER using one with your own child.
I raise both hands, to both cases. I have been Senora El Judge-y in the past,
numerous times, and I’ll bet that I’m just asshole-enough to have made a
comment ever-so-quietly-yet-audible-to-the-parents who held leashes.
My reasoning in the past was solely based on aesthetics alone. There is a CHILD on a LEASH. How wretched. How
lazy. How on Earth can you wake up one
day and say, “fuck it, let’s put the baby on a leash today and forgo the hand
holding and actual watching of our child.”
I gave unintended dirty looks formed out of a single twenty-something
mentality and a mild fear of babies. I
created this Karma that has now come back to bite me on the ass as I wrap my
hand around a brown “tail” attached to a monkey that sits atop GiGI’s back.
I’m not the first to say that everything changes when you
have a child. I’m also not the only
other person to ever feel like that
either. Pre-GiGi, I didn’t understand a
lot of things (ie, why don’t parents make their kids stop crying in public by
giving them toys or sugar? Why do kids always have a snotty nose? Why must
parents dress girls in pink and boys in blue? Why would you leash a human? Etc.). Then,
I had a child and smacked my forehead with each of the ah-ha’s that came along
the way, at obvious different points in new parenting. Pink is unavoidable. It’s cute and um, people
may just stop saying HIM or HE to your child named GiGi.
Snot? Who the f-
knows. Kids are just snotty….for
years. It’s no ones fault.
Stop the crying in public? Ha! You have to be tough sometimes and not let
your children make their own rules. With
that…sometimes crying is necessary in stores, because letting them have the toy
that sings 1009 songs, or the gum that their cousin put into their two year old
hands, isn’t.
…and leashes? Leashes
are a necessity (yes, I said n.e.c.e.s.s.i.t.y.) when you have a severely
visually impaired child who won’t hold your hand, has just learned how to walk
without assistance, has new glasses and
is a ticking two year old time bomb of tantrum fury. Sure I joked with one of my best friends A., about
buying leashes when our kids were old enough and taking them to the park with
puppy pads, and water dishes, and calling them “Bruno” and “lady” while we
fashioned leashes and fed them animal cookies while patting their heads. That
was a silly joke though and I actually use the kid leash, or as I call it, GiGi’s monkey friend –ChaChi, the way it
was meant to be. I loathe the feeling of
what it looks like on the outside: lazy parenting. I hate the thought of people judging me, as I
judged others, and talking under their breath about how cute my child is but
how awful her mother is.
It’s not all in my head either. The first day I used ChaChi (such a less
frightening term/name, right?), we were waiting for GiGi’s new glasses to be
crafted and decided to window shop. She
and ChaChi were securely fastened and I began to plunk money into the parking
meter. As I was doing said plunking, a young
Banana Republic couple skipped by and fake smiled then said, “oh. Ew. I would
NEVER do that.” Unless I’m mistaken and
she was talking about my ass and those jeans, or the type of shoe I picked that
day, she was referring to my leashing. I
knew the public distaste coming, I just didn’t expect it in the first few
minutes.
This was a group idea, I should mention. A general thumbs up amongst GiGi, my family,
and the teachers who aide in my millions of questions and GiGi’s progress. She is independent beyond all of my wildest dreams,
but refuses, no no ABHORS the thought of holding my hand while she walks. She hates her stroller. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she is
secretly plotting to disassemble or break it when I’m not looking. So what are my options for safety? How exactly do I keep her feeling satisfied
with her independence, allow her to be adventurous, and make sure that she doesn’t
magically sprint across the street while I bend down to pick up my wallet (or
whatever) should it fall. I can’t
predict what situation would force me to stop looking at my child walking near
me, for 4+ seconds, but I can prevent
her from being kidnapped, abducted by alien pod people, or running into a
dangerous zone.
Google the word “child leashes” or “toddler leashes” and see
the wrath of parents/ non-parents/ and strange pod people everywhere (pod people=
bitches like Ann Coulter who probably think that not only am I a single mother
raising a victim/serial killer/ future gang member, but now I’m turning my
child into a puppy). It’s harsh. I won’t
spend my time pleading my case to every evil eye, dirty look and snippy
comment. On a bad day, I’m sure I will
have my own comments under my breath for those people, but for the most part I
will try to remember what is important The
only thing I can do is be glad that this system works for us, for now. GiGi finally feels her freedom, and I get to
hold her hand, even if it’s in the form of a monkey tail.
For me it really came down to “Do you want me to buy something in your store or allow my toddler to take apart your displays while I browse”. Said leash is also great for state fairs…
Aw. Well, I think children are different, and some love to bolt in crowded places and hide from moms and dads like it’s the best game ever, and it has never bothered me to see parents and toddlers with leashes. I see parents keeping their tots in strollers so that they can’t bolt, so I would ask judgmental Janes how that is so different from another cautionary restraint method?
Lazy parenting is letting your kids wander off alone in museums, playgrounds, and letting them hit, shove, bite, and kick other toddlers while you hide behind a book or talk on the phone.
Can I just say that the tags for this post are hilarious?!?! As for the looky-loos, just think of them as the unwise who will one day discover how wrong they were…much like the rest of us did.
I’m sure I passed leash judgment as well when I didn’t have kids (or before my first walked). My leash of choice is the stroller…works for us. The monkey IS really cute. If you’re feeling up to it, you could really jerk people around by attaching a retractable leash to the tail.
I too have been Senora El Judge-y, until this post that is. Its funny. I have been through a lot in the last year and you think I would have learned that you NEVER know what is going on with someone else unless you KNOW. Thank you for putting a new outlook to the leashed child and for giving me my own ah ha moment. ~Senora El Judge-y(2) Jaimey
I was just as judgmental, just as critical…then one day on a drive from St. Louis to Chicago my 3 year old ran off at an interstate rest stop. I was carrying my 1 year old child and chasing after him, screaming for him to stop but he didn’t. No one at the rest stop tried to help me. I finally caught up to him (a few feet away from traffic) and managed to pick up the trail of diapers, toys and shoes I left in my wake. Then I sat in the car and cried hysterically for 20 minutes.
The next day I went out and bought 2 leashes. I give a shit if anyone judges me. I have 2 more important people to worry about.
My favorite new phrase is “ticking two year old time bomb of tantrum fury”, lol. No judgment here. A mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do. I would just work up some clever come backs for the dirty botches who have the gall to judge you.
I don’t believe i’ve ever judged anyone for using a kid leash. But then again I know alot more about child-rearing than most 24 year olds…or anyone of any age without children..(though now I am expecting my first very soon!) I’ve been an aunt since I was 12 and have helped “raise” all of the 5 nieces and nephews my sisters have had in the past 12 years. I know how kids are and kid leashes really are a necessity for some kids! It’s totally a safety issue and not the least bit lazy. It’s giving the kid the freedom to walk and roam around (and not to mention wear themselves out!) but doing all of it within a safe distance of the parents, without having to worry about them darting off in the .5 seconds that you happen take your eye off of them…as so many kids WILL eventually do one day.
My niece has the exact same monkey leash…except she calls it her “unkey” hehe
OH! and I had a friend (childless of course) who twittered her judgemental anti-kid leash views…needless to say I mentioned to her that when you have a crazy child wanting to run wild, they are a god send. She promptly deleted that last update. haha.
The first time I saw one of those kid-leashes, I was a kid myself (though too old for a leash), and even then my first thought was “smart!”. My parents tried heartily to dissuade me from this idea, and have always hated seeing kids tied to their parents like that, but even now, at 30 and expecting my first, I still think that they are smart. The kid gets to wander a bit and explore – more than they would do in the stroller or holding the parent’s hand – and I’ve never been offended by the idea of a human being leashed/harnessed/monkey-tailed etc. Whatever you gotta do for your kid, you gotta do!
I never quite understood the leash hate. My mom used leashes on my sister and I as toddlers. We loved them! We didn’t have to stick as close to our parents; we could explore and they wouldn’t freak out, and best of all, we didn’t have to sit in the cart. I’m still looking forward to the day my son learns to walk so we can use them.
I never got the leash vitriol either. When you hold a tiny kid’s hand their arms are raised and their hands are up above their heads. Have you ever tried holding your arm straight up in the air for any period of time? It’s uncomfortable, and I don’t know why that’s seen as kinder and more humane for the toddler than a harness. Plus, while you’re doing it, both kid and parent have a hand immobilized, which isn’t ideal. Strollers are great if you have a kid who likes them, but some kids don’t. I didn’t wind up using a leash with my first because he basically wanted to be carried everywhere until he was around three (which was not great but avoided any dashing off) but I may wind up using one with my current toddler since she’s much more independent. Judge-y people should just get over themselves.
We have one for both my girls…a puppy one, and a monkey one…we love them, and I would not survive without them! I swore I would never have one either…but a two year old running through walmart parking lot, while I had her 2 month old sister changed my mind…I don’t care if anyone judges me..my kids safety is more important to me then anyone’s opinion!
I hate people. But I love GiGi’s monkey leash.
I definitely judged the leash pre-kids. But having a kid didn’t so much teach me that leashes may be necessary as it taught me to keep my damn mouth shut ’cause you just DO NOT KNOW about any situation at all till you are in it.
To that point, dear Sara, I thought my experience as an aunt had me pretty well prepped for what motherhood entailed. The kids had even lived with us! But I was still in for a shock when it was my own – your mileage may vary. Congrats and have fun with it. Some of the shocking parts were the good ones.
I have the same monkey back pack leash. It only works in places like the airport when hanging around during a layover and I use it to follow him around and keep hold of him. If I try to use it to go somewhere where I lead, he will not cooperate. I think it is a tool and if it works for people they should use it, but buy the cheap one at Target instead of the pricey ones because I think for most people they have limited use. I hope it continues to work for you and ignore the looks.
I’m judgmental and I admit it: Stroller as restraint device for toddler = lazy parent encouraging child obesity.
My mother used a leash for me and my younger twin brothers until we could be counted on to not run away. I’m sure that it probably saved our lives more than once. After watching my friend look like a fool chasing her 3 year old through a mall the other day I am even more determined to leash my future kids.
I used to judge a lot of things before I had my kid. I used to talk about how after I had a child I would exercise like crazy to get my shape back. HA! Exactly when in my 17-hour day would I be able to do that? I turned up my nose at people who let their kids crawl on the floor in the store. HA, pick your battles! I thought kids who fell out in trantrums just weren’t disciplined correctly. Double HA!! My son made me eat my words on that one!
I don’t remember if I ever judged the leash thing, but let me tell you, I WISH my kid would have worn the leash. Alas, he was too wise from day one and would try to “walk” himself or would just stand still and not move until we took it off.
I am the oldest of four children. I remember my mom taking us to a park by herself–I was about 7, my sister Laura was 4, my brother was 3, and my sister Leah was just barely 1. So my mom was holding Leah in one arm, holding Laura’s hand with the other (necessary because Laura was very clingy), letting me go on my own because I didn’t wander too far and was older…what to do with my brother, who was (and still is) very independent, curious, and completely unaware of danger? He was the kind of kid to run at top speed into a lake, dart up a tree, or run into traffic at the drop of a hat. Natural selection would have taken him out for sure.
So my mom had a leash (the old school kind that velcro around the kid’s and parent’s wrists) and she used it. People judged. One woman even chastised her to her face, told her it was terrible to put a leash on a child–while my mother was trying to manage FOUR KIDS AT ONCE. My mother told that woman to go ahead and take all of us kids, since she was so good at parenting. The lady left; my mom continued to use the leash.
My brother is a happy, healthy, brilliant, sociable kid in college now–and most importantly, he’s still alive. Which I’m not sure he would be if my mom hadn’t had the courage to use that leash.
I always think the leash seems nicer for the tots than hand holding. more independence, plus, the kid doesn’t have to walk around with one arm extended over his or her head all day. That seems like it must be uncomfortable!
My parents used to use leashes, but the best leash was the ski leash. Even toddlers can ski, if a parent is holding onto the left and right leash attachments for our homemade harness- great for both steering and velocity control purposes.
But…but… Can we still take our kids to the park with the leashes and the bowls and the treats? Because I still think that would be highly amusing, heh.
i never understood the leash hate. when i was a kid we got season passes to a local amusement park every summer and my mom put me on a leash til i was 6 or 7 and i loved it. i got to walk by myself like a big kid, and my mom never lost track of my while my brothers rode the rides. when my nephew was little we had a monkey backpack just like GiGi’s because that kid had a special talent for running off as soon as you turned your head. i have an 8 week old daughter now and you’d better believe as soon as she can walk she will be on a leash in public places.
Ignore the haters, they’re all dumbasses anyway.
I tried out the monkey backpack this weekend at the Renaissance Festival. Kiddo was okay with it (kind of), but every other person made some sort of comment about “get the monkey off that kid’s back”. And, yes, plenty of stares and at least one comment about how the watcher would never leash a child. Seriously, what do people expect you to do with a very small child who won’t sit in a stroller all day at a crowded, outdoor event?
I’m with GenXmom – Lazy parents are casually browsing, eating, shopping, etc. oblivious to their children running/wandering alone down aisle after aisle.
Stop feeling bad!
You’re a WAY better person than I. I would NOT have been able to resist making the couple feel like crap by explaining the situation with your daughter’s sight.
Also, we all make different decisions – because we’re all in different situations with different kids. You should google the couple who sailed around and around the world w/ toddlers! (There’s a shot of the kids swinging out over the water in harnesses that this article made me think of for some reason) They caught so much crap from other parents – so much judgement from parents thinking they should fit a little tighter into a box. Those kids are ridiculously smart and well-rounded now.
thanks for this. we were just talking about the leash after an “episode” at an outlet mall where my very independent son took off as I reached down to pick something up. thankfully I’m faster than he is and he only ran out of the store into the mall hallway, but we may be leashbound soon.