Going Solo
I remember the times when I would lay my sleeping babe in
the middle of my bed and create a wall of pillows around her so that we could
both rest and relax in peace while she napped for a few hours. We never had the need for a monitor because I
was glued to her. In the beginning, I
had a larger studio but still yet – a studio apartment. In a studio you can pee, do dishes, and rock
the baby to sleep all while watching TV and occasionally answering the door all
in the same location. That said, leaving
her alone wasn’t ever really leaving her
alone if you catch what I’m saying.
When we moved to our current location, I checked on her as she slept. I was a nervous, messy, wreck of a mother with
custody and medial issues for GiGi, so I didn’t really give her much space in
the beginning. GiGi + Playing = me right
there.
As she got older and started
hitting the milestones, like
sitting up, I started backing off. She
was and is, a late bloomer/ milestone maker/ going at her own pace, and so it
didn’t really bother anyone to let her play in my room while I ran to the
bathroom or needed to get lunch, do laundry, etc. She simply didn’t move, not even really ever attempting to roll
over, so letting her have some short time alone wasn’t an issue.
Now that she’s older, and is a super walker, things are the
same. The house is pretty safe from big
scary falling objects and the hazardous chemicals are locked up. Doors are shut and gates are up. I don’t like to squash her independence or
smother her with inane mommy ideas that repulse her. Case in point – today I pulled
out these awesome bristle blocks that she got for her birthday, and I
started to build things. Engaging yet
not so pushy, there I sat under a heap of blocks and there she went…to play by
herself. “No no!” she says.
It’s not the first time I’ve tried to play with my daughter,
I promise, it’s just that we interact with one another in such a sometimes-odd
manner. We do things together you
know? We go places and cook together and
take walks, but toys? Nah. Maybe it’s
her age or maybe it’s us, but we don’t play really –with toys that is- together.
She will sit on my lap and listen to
music for hours. She can run around on
the grass for as long as I will let her and she can play with her own toys for
a long time. She doesn’t like to play in
the same room with kids very much either though. GiGi is a very busy girl on the go, and she
doesn’t like to slow down and play with others very often. The thing is, I feel a little guilty
sometimes when I read magazines or articles or even other blogs that mention
parents playing random things with their children. How hard do they play, because I’ve got to
say – I don’t get it. Am I just
different?
If I go into a room that she is playing in, she will let me
entertain her and vice versa for ten minutes or so and then she leaves. If I try to write or get things done by hanging
out with her and taking what I need to do, to her spot in the house, she leaves.
I don’t want to take it personally, so I don’t, but…??
Do I stink? Do I have bad
breath? Has she fallen out of love with
me?
If I stay put, at my desk, she comes in and out of the room
to check on me, kiss me, talk to me, play with her toys, leave, and then starts
the process all over again. One of her
teachers explained to me this morning that toddlers like to play near each
other but not together. I think GiGi and
I are both toddlers. We like to do a few
things together but the rest? The rest
is solo time to do your own thing and not share. She doesn’t like it when I ask her to cook me
a pie in her pretend kitchen and I don’t like it when she tries to type my blog
&*(h*^*$$#$#@i%^&R$^# LIKE&*%%%%%%%&
THIS.
I’m not sure if I’m making any sense at all actually. I suppose the bottom line, the big question over
my head here, is ….do you “play” with your child. Trucks, kitchen, princess, magician, PLAY
sort of stuff? Did I miss the boat or is
toddlerdom just a whole new, semi solo game?
Yep, we play. But its very similiar to what you describe. We play side by side (like I would be building with blocks while he crashes them but we don’t ever build together). On the rare occasion I get to be the Cookie Monster and Elmo and I “walk” (little figurines hop hop hop) along the bathtub rim. Thats about it. He doesn’t even like me to read to him. I know that parallel play is common for toddlers, so no worries.
You’re not alone, Gabriel was the same way, he’d prefer to be doing his own thing, then again, I don’t know if that was unique to Gabriel! Abigail is very happy to entertain herself for hours without playing with anyone (which works out well when I need to do housework!), but we do “play”, but it pretty much consists of me showing her where shapes go in the sorter, her getting annoyed at me trying to “help” and then throwing the shapes across the room (she has great flinging capabilities!). So don’t feel bad, you have quality together time, you have quality alone time, it’s all part of growing up
Oh and now Gabriel would still rather do his own thing, I think I’m now embarassing, heh.
I definitely think it’s important to play with your kids, but I also worry sometimes that so much parental interaction is growing a generation who can’t entertain themselves. Being happy alone is a skill, you know? You have to be pretty confident and have a good sense of what makes you happy. I think it sounds like you’ve got a great mix… time together for GiGi to know you’re there and interested in her stuff, but also time to let her be independent and figure out what she likes to do.
My son is always asking (ordering, rather) me to play and is generally very clingy. I know he’ll eventually become more independent (plus he’s going to daycare all day so we’re not always together), but sometimes, after I’ve “read” him the same toy catalog or made the same 12-piece puzzle for the 100th time, I wish he was more like your tot!
I think what you’ve got going on is totally normal. At least I hope so, because that’s exactly what my daughter is like (she’s 21 months). She is very busy doing her own thing, and only really wants me around to read (and I use the word “read” very loosely, because she flips the pages so fast I can barely read even one word per page) to her. I think more interactive play happens later. Love that pic, by the way!
I take the kids out around town all the time, I’ll let them help me cook (at least the 3 year old), I’ll let them help me clean up, I’ll read tons and tons and tons of book but I don’t play much. I did do puzzles for a couple of months when the toddler was into them but it’s hard for me to get all that enthusiastic. I guess this may change when the 3 year old gets into board games. But still, sometimes I watch other parents play and I wonder (for a couple of seconds) if I should try harder. Then I figure it’s simply a parenting style and that I’m too old to change much. Still, I do enjoy watching other kid’s dads play with my kids.
My oldest was like that at 2yo and now at 4yo has started to swing the other way. He wants constant attention & companionship, to “play with me” and to “watch me do this”. My 2yo twins are also content with parallel play and don’t really want us to play with them — because they want to do it themselves or they don’t want to be told how to do it. It’s all normal.
Does Gigi seem happy, content, have the basic social skills she needs, when she needs them? You dont even have to answer all of these, just one to feel okay. Its easy to feel guilty about not playing like the magazines, parenting books, clubs, etc. suggest. I am horrible when it comes to sitting down to play a board game, I just dont have the patience to sit for two hours. But give me a sword and costume, and I can hang with the best of them. What I am saying, is your fine and your situation isnt unique or really different.