Today is the Second Day of the Rest of Your Nanny
She started yesterday. 10:00am she arrived as I ran around like mad to neaten and prepare and label everything so that I could leave and not worry. Er… worry less.
She came to the door with kindness and we hugged.
I met her through a family at Archer’s school. She had nannied for their family for years and was looking for a new family – a few extra hours during the week. The timing was perfect as Hal and I had days earlier discussed that it was time to hire someone for part-time help so I could write for ten hours a week stress-free, pursuing the scripts I started last year and wanted to finish before 2019. With Hal back to work we could finally afford it. A huge relief.
I showed her around the house. Introduced her to the dogs and the space, the stroller and what food Fable preferred. I informed her of Fable’s inability to nap longer than twenty-minutes. Her love of which books and toys. Her favorite spoon.
“Fable loves when you sing to her,” I said. “It makes her laugh.”
She immediately started singing. And Fable loosened in my arms and smiled. Her smiles became giggles and before I knew it, the two of them were laughing together like old friends.
I let go. Handed her over.
I wanted to cry. I was so relieved. So happy. So grateful to have found someone so gentle and kind, happy to sing to my baby, someone who could within five minutes of entering our home, make her laugh.
I wrote all day at the coffee shop never once worrying. I didn’t even call. And when I came home? Fable was happy, her face flushed and covered with strawberries.
This morning, was a somewhat different story. I tried to wait for Fable to stop crying before I left.
“Maybe she’ll calm down and start laughing again,” I thought.
But ten minutes later, she was still reaching for me, her eyes following me around the living room, my heart breaking and maybe I should just stay and work out of the house today. Maybe she’s too young to leave. Too attached. Too sensitive…
“It takes time for them to get used to you leaving,” she told me as I packed my laptop bag . “But it’s good for her. It’s good for her to know you’re coming back.”
So I kissed Fable’s tear-stained cheeks and walked out.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to call. I wanted to come home early. But I didn’t. I didn’t cry and I didn’t call and I stayed right up until the end. I stayed and I wrote and I sipped my soy latte.
And when it was time to come? Fable was once again happy, her face flushed and covered with strawberries.
And I had a finished draft of a script.
BOOYAH!
***
With every blessing comes a trial. I’m happy you stuck it out! The first time we left the twins overnight I wanted to call and come home 7,895 times… but I didn’t. It set up a good pattern of healthiness in our lives. Way to be healthy girl, and way work hard, and good job even though it’s tough!
I’m so glad it is going well. I would kill to nanny for you. Not that I don’t love the family I nanny for.
If the crying persists, it can help if the nanny takes Fable out for a quick turn around the block, then when they come back you’re gone. Kids find leaving their parents a lot easier that having their parents leave them. (I used to be a nanny myself.)
Congratulations on finding her, she sounds fantastic. And nice one getting all that work done!
I remember when my son was in daycare and there would be kids that bawled and cried and put on all matter of dramatics as their moms were getting ready to leave. The moms felt so guilty and tried to calm them down, but almost without exception, as soon as they were out of the baby’s line of sight, he or she calmed down and was happy as a clam. They learn early how to pull at our heartstrings
Glad you found a good nanny!
aw. So glad it’s working out…
oooohhhh girl – feeling it right with you!
Now I have even been traveling without my baby! I HATE it btw. I miss both my kids so much. But I am glad that they are with my hubby and my nanny. Both loving faces who make them laugh.
But I still travel as little as possible.
ah, i wnated to cry just reading about poor little fable. i have a feeling i’m not going to be very good at the leaving them thing – even if it is good for them! good for you for being able to overcome the heartbreak and getting lots of good work done!
My six month old has not shown any fear of me leaving yet, but I know it is coming. It was a different story with my seven year old. I was the one she preferred since birth, not any one else. Not until she turned about 4. It was a difficult part of life to accept. It was heart filling and heart breaking at the same moment. I would leave with tears some days and with relief of time for myself other days. Wouldn’t you know, now she is a Daddy’s girl. Your nanny is right. It is necessary for Fable to learn trust in you. That you are going to return. It will build trust an even tighter bond between the two of you. Oh, how babies bring tears, fear and smiles. We learn so much from these little toots.
Cheers
Oh <3, I guess sometimes moving forward is tricky. Hope the transition goes smooth!
Aww, I’m sure it will get better! I feel the same way anytime I leave my little ones…I want to call every five minutes just to check on them. Just in case all hell has broken loose, and they forgot/lost my cell number. Just in case they couldn’t possibly get along without me there to provide all of my mommy-wisdom. But of course they’re always just fine
We’re Mommies. We worry. It’s just what we do!
agree with jill….i’m a prek teacher and the longer parents linger and try to calm the kids- the worse it gets. parents say they’ll stay just ten minutes and i tell them “then she will just be crying ten minutes later when you leave”!!! sounds harsh but true. don’t linger. grab your stuff and go! the nanny will thank you for it!
sounds like you are doing an awesome job anyway. good for you getting your stuff done. happy wife, happy life.
As a nanny myself, I would just like to say that I approve and I agree. It’s hard for every parent, and it breaks my heart to see them so sad too. But it really does get easier every time and they really do learn that mama leaves, but never for very long and she always comes back. It looks like you’ve found a good one. Hang on to her.
So I totally took your advice and left this morning after Fable and “Mrs. Doubtfuego” (she’s a Guatemalan Mrs. Doubtfire, she’s amazing. Truly so out of the movie it’s insane) went out for a walk. She ended up sleeping TWO HOURS which is the longest nap she’s ever taken by about 1.40 and when she woke was totally stoked to see Mrs. DF.
So THANK YOU all for your advice! You ladies rock.
Little Miss Kickboxer went to daycare when she was 10 weeks old–we eased into it, with 2-hour blocks. And I was doing worse than she. Still am, even though, yeah, it rocks to get something done!
I am a mother of four grown children and also work as a professional nanny. It is the best thing to wave and kiss them goodbye and then leave, even if they are crying. Trust me, as soon as you are out of sight they go right back to playing. The doctor that I work for is a wonderful, loving mother. She only has two flaws as a parent: 1. She needs to realize that her baby is going to bump his head (he’s 8 months.) 2. She needs to understand that he is not going to die from crying. Before long, Fable won’t cry when you leave, she’ll just wave bye-bye.
What happened to your last part-time nanny? Lauren, if I recall correctly.
Lauren is one of my best friends! She’s awesome! Doing all sorts of cool stuff, she is, including working on a documentary!