Interview with James Poniewozik, Time Magazine Reporter: "Hipster Parents" WANT Him to Judge Them
James Poniewozik, author of the much Babbled about “Too Cool for Preschool” piece in this week’s Time Magazine, kindly agreed to answer some of our questions about his problem with hip parent bloggers and writers.
Strollerderby: You seem concerned that Gen X parents are so busy being cool and inserting themselves into the story of their kid’s lives that they aren’t putting their kids first as they should. Is this based only on the books and the blogs or also on your observations of parents in action?
James P: I’m responding to the books and the blogs. In fact, this is the most important point I want to make: my article was about–to use the hated term–”hipster parent” *writing*, not about hipster *parenting*. I’m not trying to judge anyone’s parenting.
I feel like the Babble bloggers, et al., kind of want me to be judging their parenting, because that allows them to frame the debate as though they’re being socially oppressed: Time magazine is trying to force us conform to their parenting norms! We’re just too free-thinking for them! We’re too threatening to The Man! I would argue if, anything, there’s an implicit tone of judgment that suffuses Babble–if you’re not on board with them, you’re some kid of brainwashed Stepford robot.
My objections are to the writing. Or specifically, to a set of attitudes I see in the writing (which is not to say this applies equally, or at all, to every parent-blogger-author-etc. in the world). This notion that I have just experienced this thing that a hundred billion people in history have, but because I am so offbeat, because I am so distinctive, because I feel so deeply, my experience of it is different. And terribly interesting. And look what it says about me that I made this and this choice with my child.
My objections are to the writing. Or specifically, to a set of attitudes I see in the writing (which is not to say this applies equally, or at all, to every parent-blogger-author-etc. in the world). This notion that I have just experienced this thing that a hundred billion people in history have, but because I am so offbeat, because I am so distinctive, because I feel so deeply, my experience of it is different. And terribly interesting. And look what it says about me that I made this and this choice with my child.
The idea of one’s child, a distinct, separate person, as proof of one’s uniqueness and alterity. It’s not about failing to put your child first in private life–I’m sure all these writers take fine care of their kids, feed them well, look out for their interests. (The other knock on Gen X urban parents is that we dote too much and parent obsessively, right?) It’s using a child as a sort of third-person vehicle through which to write one’s autobiography.
Part 2 of our conversation with James coming soon…
Pingback from Staring into my Universe » Blog Archive » The Fall Of Adulthood As We Know It
PingBack from http://thezeroboss.com/2007/03/02/this-is-the-employee-of-the-month/
PingBack from http://savvymoms.wordpress.com/2007/02/23/i-heart-steve-burns/
There IS no such thing as “simple commentary” anymore one on the way… Don’t you know that? *wink.
You guys know this was just a simple commentary piece, right?
i imagine that most hipster parents didn’t go in with labels – it’s the lovely outside world that decides to put labels on people, to box us (can i be hip?), etc… i don’t think hipster parents necessarily reiterate the fact that what they do is “new” — but when we’re inundated with all this babycenter stuff all the time (read: middle america, religious right, mom-jeans crowd) then guess what? it is sort of new.
i hear all the time about how everyone wishes there were more books out there that “told it like it is” — however, i realize that’s different than what the hip parent thing is — i think the hip parenting deal is seen as a bit more elitist and exclusive in many peoples’ minds (see my below high school reference).
i know i’m not a hipster, but i could easily get lumped into the category of “living off my kids” or using her/them as a way to make it as a writer. but until “i make it” then i guess it doesn’t really count. or does it?
truth is, i didn’t write anything but academic papers until i had a kid — and i imagine that many of us, in writing/blogging etc. find ourselves. just so happens we found ourselves after having kids — or maybe it’s a new self that we never had before. and so, we write about it – write about it well – and it becomes this new genre that now folks are loving to hate. sue people for trying to get published by finding a niche. it happens everywhere.
i found my writer-self after having kids. i’ve never feel so much like myself when i write my blogsssss. are we all way cooler on our blogs? most likely. i’m totally unhip as a mom. but my blog let’s me air things out, be hip, gen-x whatever.
my gripe with the hipster parenting thing has nothing to do with poniewozik’s gripe with it (or at least that’s what i can gather). i think it’s totally one-dimensional and unrealistic and i’m against doing anything 100% so it bothers me. maybe it’s because i could see myself falling into that — having to wear the chucks and the dark glasses and the hemp diapers (well not me, my kid) and i just can’t. so i pick and choose. i admire folks who can ‘live the life’ 100% — my friend uses cloth dipes, has a compost pile, is a vegan lalalala… cool for her. but not for me.
i do think babble is appealing because i believe the urban/hip parent is where a lot of us sort of want to be. it’s like high school – except instead of being the big haired cheerleader, we all want to be that weirdo with black nail polish and a nose ring. but it’s enviable in some way. it’s appealing. we like it. hell. i like it.
and for the record. i like caps too. just hard to hit the shift key when you’re breastfeeding.
see. i am cool. i can type AND nurse. but does that make me hip?
PingBack from http://www.crankmama.com/2007/02/17/my-interview-with-time-magazine-reporter-james-poniewozik/
Our discussion continues as James Poniewozik responds to Babble’s contention that “We are nothing more or less than parents who, in some fashion, defy the traditional image of uptight cardigan-wearing Donna Reed clones who are perpetually alienated from
To tell you the truth, I’m not too interested in this dude. I would disagree that he is judging our parenting.
His writing comes from a different perspective than those of parents or bloggers in general.
I think most of the old-traditional reporting is afraid of what we’re doing. They want to speak (or write) without listening to the audience, except through an occasional well-edited letter to the editor. We on the other hand enjoy to hear others opinions and thoughts.
If anything, he probably enjoys the publicity from everybody.
I appreciated the desire to dissect technological trends, and ascribe meaning to them as a kind of anthropololigical exercise, but I just think it’s too soon to get worked up over the issues surrounding bloggers.
Parents, women especially, have be memoirists throughout history. The difference is now, because of the internet, they may have a much wider audience. This may or may not have an impact on their children, depending on the popularity and talent of said author (for instance Heather Armstrong), but the only person who will determine that in the end is the child; and even that is a subjective assessment. Would this author criticize Sally Mann, Erma Bombeck, Anne Geddes, Jon Carroll, or any number of writers and photographers and artists who were influenced by the very existence of their children.
I think it’s too early to make any really conclusions yet.
PingBack from http://crunchycarpets.com/archives/83
PingBack from http://crunchycarpets.com/archives/83
I think that Poniewozik’s points are valid as vast generalizations. Yes, many parents and parent bloggers do treat parenting as something they’ve discovered, and many writers do treat their offspring as a vehicle for their autobiographies. Both attitudes can be annoying to the reader.
My overall response, however, is “DUH!”Personal blogging as a medium is inherently a navel gazing activity, which is one thing that made it all so fascinating in the beginning. And as one of the commenters has already pointed out, it’s sort of a universal truth that new parents throughout time have ALWAYS believed they were doing something unique and marvelous. A quick perusal through literature, and a conversation with one’s parents and grandparents more than proves that point. And what’s the matter with including one’s children as a focus of one’s autobiography anyway, especially since most parents rightfully place parenting as a (or even THE) central aspect of their identification?
So what’s the big deal, really, if none of these observations are unique? Beneath his stated arguments, Poniewozik appears to take umbrage with the overall medium of blogging. And in spite of his protests to the contrary, he’s clearly annoyed with “GenX,” and generational clashes ain’t unique either.
the whole “they think they are so different and intereting but really they are not” argument smacks of the sour grapes of a journalist who writes staid reported articles day in and day out and resents the “indulgence” of bloggers. it’s easy to be a perpetual critic; it’s harder, by comparison, to put your life out there. There is broad cultural act of courage taking place in the blogging world and old school writers who aren’t part of it (like radar magazine telling musician bloggers to shut up) sound like kids trash talking a party they missed.
I think Mr. Poniewozik and overlooked that fact that we live in a first person age. The memoir is ascendant, and blogs are becoming one of the most powerful forms of human expression. This is a good thing … its part of the world becoming more transparent, more honest. People who write write about they know. This is true of professional journalists like Mr. Poniewozik, its true of the best novelists, its true of most writers and aspiring writers worth their salt. People who are single write about being single; people with babies write about the experience of having babies; people who are getting old write about the experience of getting old. This is a healthy part of human expression, and it makes life more interesting.
The idea that babies or children are somehow victims because their parents who are writers include them in their narratives is utterly preposterous. It’s part of a broader sanctimonous attitude towards children that is unique to americans — part of our puritanical, innocence obsessed culture. James, you are on the wrong side of history with this argument.
I am a parent. I am a blogger. I actually am so incredibly hip I maintain TWO blogs. One is the blog I had when I was a borderline-alcoholic with a rage disorder and the other is the one I started when I discovered I was pregnant.
Neither of these blogs are anything more than a place where I can put down in words what is happening to me and how I feel about it and of course, we all need a record of how stupid we are.
I think my “parenting blog” (for lack of a better term) acts as Jillian’s baby book. I don’t have a book where I write down stuff like her first smile and smelliest poo and first tooth – that all goes on the blog.
If anyone at all reads either of my blogs, that’s fine by me. I don’t write either of them for attention. Attention seems to be a major part of the hipster parent debate, in that the hipster parents can’t stand to be shunted to the sidlelines in favor of their babies and therefore dress the kids all wacky (or however the hipness manifests itself) to re-direct attention back to the parent.
Whom does this hurt, anyway? If we aren’t messing our kids up by diverting attention from them, chances are we’re messing them up some other way. Um, you know, like, whatever.
I am not a blogger, myself, but I do read several blogs (mostly of friends) regularly. To me they are a way in which we can be in touch about mundane (and extraordinary) aspects of life – childrearing and other stuff. Given that it’s relatively new technology, who knows what Baby Boomer parents might have chosen to do had they had the capacity to blog about their young ones forty years ago. If you (James Poniewozik et al) find the blogs tiresome or irritating, just don’t read them. Farflung friends and relations appreciate snapshots of our loved ones’ lives.
PingBack from http://thezeroboss.com/2007/02/15/melanie-martinez-speaks-about-life-after-pbs/
and it’s the feb 22nd Time magazine
I think it’s on page 39.
I think what Peter stated is true: even though “parenting” has been around since the dawn of civilization, *we* as individuals have only been parents for a relative blink of an eye. Writing about it helps us slow this process down and digest it better.
bubandpie is also right in observing that Poniewozik IS digging on the blogosphere of which Babble is a part. Just saying he wasn’t DOES NOT retract what is actually in PRINT.
Furthermore, I still ask, how old is this guy? What generation does he think he belongs to? How old are his 2 children? (Of course he would argue that would be violating his and their privacy. It would be ironic if they each have a page on MySpace or something.)
When Poniewozik says he’s sure these blogging parents “feed [their children] well,” he CONTINUES to be condescending. I think he just dug his grave deeper.
Poniewozik’s piece is essentially an “op-ed,” not an example of hard-hitting journalistic reporting. For those who may have actually read the article in print form, what page did it appear on? (If it was the last page before the back cover, as a former subscriber I know that is where all the Time writers go to jerk off.)
PingBack from http://www.crankmama.com/2007/02/14/pajama-party/
Poniewozik’s Time article culminated with the charge that bloggers are violating their children’s right to privacy, that these children will grow up to resent the way their bodily functions have been publicized as blog fodder. That is not an attack on bloggers as writers; it’s an attack on them as parents. For Poniewozik to claim that he is not judging anyone’s parenting (this being a fiction invented by Babble in order to bolster their spurious claims of oppression) strikes me as disingenuous.
The second paragraph of this interview, though, made me laugh. If you want to attack someone’s writing, satire is a far better tool than the obnoxious pretense of sympathy for that person’s children.
I can see where Poniewozik and company are coming from (though I think they overstate their case), but what I really wonder is, why do they care? Poniewozik’s piece, Lisa Carver’s recent piece on “Alternadad,” and similar criticisms I’ve read seem to have an undertone of delight at taking “hipster” parents to task. What’s it to them?
As I’ve said here before, I write about my children because they’re the most important thing in my life. Also, they have transformed and continue to transform my life. Ergo, any personal reflections I have on them will necessarily be autobiographical.
Poniewozik does raise one paradox of becoming a parent that continues to fascinate me. I know “a hundred billion people in history” have had this experience, yet it feels so profoundly personal and unique for me, and I imagine it does for most other parents. I do marvel at the fact that it’s happening to me, because I know who I am and who I have been, and I know how may stupid choices I’ve made, and it’s hard for me to believe the Fates have allowed me such a responsibility and gift.
The fact that I find my own parenting experience “terribly interesting” does not mean I think I’m somehow better than those other 100,000,000,000 folks Poniewozik cites. But if I choose to reflect on it in a forum that friends and the sympathetic can share, why does he mind it so much?