Morning News: Financial Crisis, Campaigns Would Be Hilarious If They Weren’t So Sad
Love this: the FBI is now investigating four of the failed institutions at the heart of this whole “sudden” financial collapse and trigger of the $700 billion dollar federal bailout proposal. Because it’s only obvious in hindsight that there was fraud going on? All those ads and emails and stories on NPR didn’t make them suspicious? Laugh through the tears, people, laugh through the tears!
Bush is finally a uniter! A bi-partisan group of lawmakers is saying no to blank checks, no to relenquishing authority and no to no oversight — burned one too many times, guys? (Stage whisper: Patriot Act).
But help — free help! — is on the way. One of the world’s richest men — and certainly the richest to ever drive a Ford Taurus — Warren Buffett, said he would invest $5 billion dollars in Goldman Sachs, which has been flailing in all this turmoil. Buffett’s confidence is boosting others’ confidence in some markets. Though we doubt they’ll be asking to take the ol’ Taurus out for a ride. Or for tips on frugal living.
Let’s fill up on a serving of empty calories in today’s Daily Palin! Our favorite female VP candidate from Alaska left her telepromptered comfort zone (but quickly retreated to the needy arms of her much less charismatic running mate) and spent a day putting faces with all those names she learned last week. She survived her day with Uncle Henry and friends and lived to tell about it! But she won’t. The maverick who says she’s all about openness and transparency allowed reporters a whole 29 seconds of access during her meeting with Afghan President Hamid Karzai. But no questions.
Campbell Brown went on a tear last night calling McCain’s campaign “sexist” for shielding the possible VP from the press. Even Fox news is pissed. Palin’s press pool has threatened a boycott, blah, blah (like that’ll happen). Just take the pretty pictures, people!
Enough about Palin, let’s talk about you … you and your fat kids. They’re watching too many commercials for unhealthy food between episodes of iCarly and SpongeBob SquarePants and the other 22 hours of Nickelodeon programming. The network had pledged to use its popular characters to advertise spinach and oranges but they were just shitting us and we all knew it.
Good thing you’re kids are not on Medicaid because after eating Shrek “fruit” snacks — as advertised on kids health channel Nick Jr. — they’re going to get cavities. Your kids will get them filled. Kids on Medicaid will be left with rotting teeth and bleeding gums.
Finally, fertility. Nicole Kidman credits her recent successful conception and pregnacy with swimming in fertile waters. And here we thought Sunday Rose had more to do with Keith Urban’s fertile swimmers.
Photo: 4mercury.com
There’s a huricane in Mexican gulf and everybody keeps driving big stupid SUV. There’s nearly no tree left in Alaska and everybody keeps building californian houses in rocky areas with wood from Alaska. There’s no money left and everobody keeps supporting expensive, illegal and pointless killing of irak people. 2br 1ba poor old house in wood in ugly neighborhood, no view, very smal backyard: $870000 (5 life of work just across the border) and nobody thought there was something wrong going on? Nobody foresaw?
They are a lot of valuable, experienced and skilled people to become president but the system is designed so that only the richest and the most stupid one can campaign.
By the way, hope it’s now clear to everybody that Bush is liable for the 9/11 event…
Keep sleeping, keep raising your stupid flag, keep teaching other people how to behave, keep eating shit, keep beleiving the global warming is a lie, keep destroying our planet and its people… when you’ll wake up, it will be far too late.
Has anyone else noticed an eerie similarity between Palin / McCain — oops — I mean McCain / Palin, and Charles and Diana?