Don’t Call Her a Tomboy
Ask anyone of our generation what a tomboy is, and as forward-thinking as we might be, you’ll get a gender-bending answer. Ask our kids, and you might just get a funny look.
It seems the word tomboy is disappearing, or at least the negative connotation that came with it when we were kids.
Years ago a girl who preferred her t-shirts to tutus and her knees skinned and dirty would bring out all the old biddies in the neighborhood to cluck and shake their fingers. The “l-word” was whispered by parents late at night, and I don’t mean love.
It wasn’t PC or, for that matter, very fair. Neither is the dictionary definition: “an energetic, sometimes boisterous girl whose behavior and pursuits,
esp. in games and sports, are considered more typical of boys than of
girls.”
But according to an in-depth look at the tomboy label in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, girls who don’t want to act all “girly,” are getting a little more respect these days. Basically, girls are just that – girls. And if they’re girls who like to skateboard, girls who climb trees (as long as their parents don’t catch them) and girls who prefer getting muddy, it’s OK – they don’t need an extra title. They’re still, well, girls.
Marketers might not have it figured out yet – I’m still waiting for mud and bugs Barbie – but the girls have. Maybe that’s because so have we. I never would have thought to call my daughter a tomboy; even though I most definitely was (and I’m not ashamed of that). Part of it is because she loves her pink clothes, her tutus and her sparkle clippies, and nothing I’ve done has changed her tastes. Sigh. But when she tears across the backyard to tackle her friend Chase, I just see two kids playing. It took my godmother, who is in her late fifties, early sixties, to even alert me to the fact that my daughter isn’t as “girly” as some. “She’s a tomboy,” she told me the other day, watching my daughter and Chase outside on the swingset. “She’s unique.”
The former didn’t bother me, but the latter I appreciated more. Yes, that’s right, she’s unique. She’s different. She doesn’t have to do everything one way because she’s a girl. She just does . . . whatever.
Explains Kristen Tillotson in the Star-Tribune:
The consensus: Girls feel more pressure to look good than boys — but
not necessarily all pink and lacy. They still have more
responsibilities around the house, such as helping with cooking and
cleaning, than their brothers do. They also have a lot of chutzpah and
ambition.
I doubt the pressure to look good will ever go away. Whether you want to look good for a guy, a girl or even just to feel more comfortable in your own skin, a portion of that is intrinsic in feminity – in part because our bodies change so drastically during adolescence. The difference between responsibilities in the household between the genders is still up to parents; although I’d wager that even that is changing. But if it’s the sister who prefers cutting the lawn to helping to cook dinner, at least she might never hear she’s doing the man’s job when there’s woman’s work to be done.
Image: SagerScenes
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I was at a 5-year-old’s tea party recently with my 2 girls and was saddened to see the mother of the birthday girl take her 2nd grade son aside and tell him he shouldn’t get his nails painted like the other kids. Really, what harm would it have done?!
I’ve also seen mothers direct their sons towards (or away from) certain toys that were more gender-specific.
Even though I have 2 girls, I would hope that as a mom I would encourage my sons to explore things just as I have my daughters. I applaud the mother at my child’s preschool who lets her 4-year-old dress up in a princess dress to school sometimes and carry a pink cell-phone! He’s all boy, but is having fun exploring different roles (just as he would wearing a fire hat or jedi knight costume).
If we’re to get beyond rigid sex roles, it needs to start early. Hooray that girls have the freedom to dream! I’m sorry that as a culture we cannot accept the same level of freedom for our boys.
“My fear is that for boys, this day is far off.”
ITA with everything Kikiriki said.
I would rather see more stories and focus on the limits our culture puts on boys, which are far worse and deeper than they are for girls. A lot of outrage and activism from feminists is poured into defending girls, but those voices are virtually nowhere to be found for our little boys; and it often feels to me like a lot of women take any negative feelings about men or the patriarchy out on boy children.
Agreed Kikiriki!
well said kikiriki!
A lot of this tomboy-positivity disappears as girls get older and pressure to look good for boys and be “sexy” escalates. Progress is nice, though! Totally agreeing that the next step is for boys to be allowed to cry, paint their nails, wear tutus, and play with dolls if they want to.
That’s great. Now all we need to do is to give the same leeway for the boys out there who would rather play house than baseball. Why can’t boys play with makeup or nail polish, wear skirts if they feel like it, love dolls? Why is it okay for girls to wear every color of the rainbow, but if a boy wants to wear pink (or even purple!) he is in danger of being labeled a sissy? Not every boy who likes these things is gay or transgender – although if they are it should still be okay with everyone. Some boys just like to branch out, and so what if they do? We should give everyone – boys and girls alike – the freedom to express themselves without fear that they’ll be teased or labeled. My fear is that for boys, this day is far off.