Is it a Lucky Boy Who Dates Obama’s Daughter?
The president is nervous.
Not about the economy (well, probably) or swine flu (OK, maybe that too).
But President Barack Obama is a dad after all, and he can’t help but think about what will happen when daughters Sasha and Malia start dating.
Can you blame him? I wrote a piece a few months ago about Jamie Foxx stressing about his daughter dating and earned a ration of comments about my need to buy into patriarchical nonsense. But come on, folks, dads worry about their daughters. Heck, I worry about my daughter!
So why is it so inappropriate for dads to stress about the day their daughter brings a boy home?
The president told a reporter recently, “dating I think will be an issue because I
have men with guns surrounding them at all times, which I’m perfectly happy with, but they may feel differently about
it.”
He was laughing when we said it, and minus the guns, I can her it coming out of the mouth of almost any dad I know. Those poor, poor prospective suitors.
Dating is a fun time for kids, but with hormones high on both sides, it’s wrought with challenges. Broken hearts. Nights spent crying in bed because he didn’t call when he said he would (and it doesn’t make it much better that he simply forgot because that’s what teenagers DO!). It isn’t just a “Ohmigod, sex,” thought that runs through a parents’ mind when they think about their kids dating. We don’t want them to get hurt.
And yeah, there’s the sex thing too. None of us want to be grandparents tomorrow. And we remember what it’s like to be in lust, right? We can’t tell our kids WHEN to have sex, how or where. But we can worry about protecting their hearts and their bodies.
And let’s face it, dads with daughters have an especial worry chiefly because they know what HE is thinking (or at least have an inkling of it). When my husband gets a look on his face about our daughter’s little boyfriends, I don’t worry that he’s spending too much time thinking up ways to exert his patriarchical thumb over her femininity. He’s just a dad who doesn’t want his daughter to get hurt.
He may not be surrounded by guys with guns and access to his FBI file, but let me put it this way – the boy who messes with our daughter is no luckier than the boy who has to come face to face with the leader of the free world on prom night.
Image: DenverPost
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Luz, et al. I apologize that this struck you as some sort of attack on gay children. Honestly, I agree with luz that gay teens feel more ostracized by the focus on straight dating. I can assure you this post was not intended to make gay kids feel more uncomfortable with themselves.
HOWEVER! As many of my gay friends point out, gays represent roughly 10 percent of the population. Which means there is a larger chance that the Obama girls and the children of most Babble readers will be straight than gay. It also means that as a general rule, posts written on this site will address the majority. Not because we are anti-gay by any stretch of the imagination (if you think that, you clearly haven’t read much on Babble!), but because we are writing for a general audience. What’s more, when we are writing “what if” sorts of pieces, we can only hit one sector of our readership – as much as we’d like to be all inclusive. It’s simply impossible to reach EVERYONE (or to please everyone for that matter!).
I think the real people you need to be angry with are the folks who are peddling a “wait till my prince comes rescue me” That’s the real danger to our girls, that they can’t survive without a man – whether straight or gay.
It’s OK to raise our kids with the assumption that they will be straight. Not to suggest that they be straight, but with that assumption based on statistical probabilities. It’s MORE important that we be open to them NOT being straight, and that we let them know we are OK with that.
Very true, Wendy etc. There’s no reason to assume any child will grow up to be straight. I think we can state with 100 percent confidence that dead-eye Dick never thought his daughter wouldn’t be interested in boys.
baconsmom- agreed!
EllaAnne- you’re right, most people are straight. The damage comes when we assume EVERYONE is straight. Which we do whenever we assume that a little girl will grow up to like boys. It creates an environment where that little girl might not be comfortable or think it’s acceptable to like girls. Heterosexism causes damage in its assumptions.
“And let’s face it, dads with daughters have an especial worry chiefly because they know what HE is thinking (or at least have an inkling of it).”
THIS is what makes it patriarchal bullshit – this idea that girls don’t think about sex, don’t want sex, only want the love relationship. Any one boy may be more interested in relationships than sex, and any one girl may be more interested in sex than relationships. But this assumption – that boys are only after “one thing” and girls are the gatekeepers of “virtue” – denigrates both genders and unnaturally polarizes dating.
what is it with straight people comparing being gay with bestiality?
seriously. it’s insulting.
and i love dan savage… but just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he speaks for all of us.
it’s not being “overly PC” to change “Is it a lucky boy who dates Obama’s daughter?” to “Is it a lucky person who dates Obama’s daughter?”
Pervasive heterosexual attitude???? MOST PEOPLE ARE STRAIGHT!!
Let’s just assume they’ll date goats while we’re at it…Or transvestites, or be bi-curious foot fetishists
Dan Savage, self-professed homo and advice columnist, addressed this very issue of trying to be overly PC about this type of thing. He says him and his his partner talk to their young son about dating, assuming the boy will be straight. It makes sense. Most people are straight.
Sorry about the crap grammar.
luz- couldn’t have said it better! the assumption that girls will automatically bring boys home when they’re dating makes me crazy!
Perhaps it will be a lucky GIRL who dates Obama’s daughter(s). (Not that I think we need to be discussing the Obama girls’ future dating habits at all.) However, I think this pervasive heterosexual assumption is something that really needs to be re-examined. By the time any of our children start dating, they may choose to date someone of the same gender–and the last thing they need is supposed well-meaning adults making gay teens feel even more marginalized than they may already feel from school, media, etc.
Sorry to be so negative, but I find this attitude really troubling, and it has real consequences. Would love to hear Babble address this in an essay or other feature.