Strollerderby
25 Things That Make Me Feel Like a Bad Mom
Caron Guillo, over at New Christian Voices, has taken ahold of the omnipresent Facebook meme 25 Random Things About Me, and given it a parental guilt trip spin. Apparently it’s not only Babble writers who like to bare (and implicitly kinda defend) their (supposed) parental deficits to the Internet.
I’m glad to see that at least some “new” Christian voices have a sense of humor. That’s a refreshing change from certain spokespeople for Jesus’s followers, even if I still personally find something creepy about the glee with which Guillo describes spanking her kids with a wooden spoon.
I confess to having been a closet fan of the 25 Random Things meme. Because it was so open-ended I found it was really good at giving me a sneak peak into people’s self-images and what they found important (and how well they could gauge what other people would find interesting about them, which was information itself). This version looks to be no different. (Hand me downs apparently make some people feel like bad moms. Huh. They make me feel like a good mom.)
Anyhow, I figured I’d play.
Here’s mine:
- We cut my daughter’s hair short to avoid fights over combing it.
- Last time we did so, we cut off what was basically a dreadlock, shaped like a fiddlehead.
- I’m avoiding scheduling a dentist appointment for her because I’m afraid of what we’ll be told.
- She’s a picky eater and I don’t fight it.
- I can sometimes get her to eat protein when she’s not in the mood by promising something sweet afterwards, and I do.
- I believe in the whole “perils of praise” argument and have been completely unable to stop praising her.
- She had a high lead level at age 1 and we didn’t move out and bankrupt the family ripping every last bit of lead paint out of the house. (It’s down anyway.)
- I want to wean but am being lazy about it, and I know she can sense my ambivalance.
- I don’t change the genders when reading sexist picture books.
- There are only two people besides her parents she’s willing to stay with alone for any length of time, and I haven’t pushed it.
- Sometimes I’m not sure when her last bath was.
- Most of her shoes are no longer soft-soled.
- A few weeks ago, in the process of climbing over a railing in order to let her sit on one of the lions outside the Saratoga Music Hall I let the bag on my back swing around and knock her head into the railing, really hard.
- I’m glad not to be a full-time stay-at-home parent.
- Sometimes I can’t think of anything I want to do with her.
- Despite my best efforts, she associates Christmas and birthdays with presents.
- I make sarcastic, inappropriate comments that she doesn’t get when forced to read inane books to her.
- I let her sleep wih no blankets on nights when I’m huddled under two comforters. Her bed is in possibly the coldest spot in the house.
- We gave up on cloth diapers because we couldn’t keep her from getting rashy in them. We barely can now.
- I’ve opened and returned gifts sent to her without letting her see them.
- I rarely put sunscreen on her.
- When she’s not looking, almost all of her artwork goes right in the recycling. Even the first birthday card she “wrote” on.
- I didn’t manage to keep up a baby book past a month or two. I have no idea what her first word was.
- Sometimes I say yes so I don’t have to say no.
- I write and publish stuff about her that might embarass her later, and use her real name.
I’m not promising it’s my top 25, just 25. I’m also not sure if it feels as meaningful as I thought it might. Try it, and share what you think? Cathartic? Annoying? Unnecessarily guilt-inducing? Causing of prideful fake modesty?
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15 Comments
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI think you are doing wonderful considering parenting doesn’t come with an instruction manual like your car stereo. As long as you have great intentions for your child the small stuff you just have to shake off, you shouldn’t feel guilty at all for any of those things on that list.
But if your in a state where the sun is hot like FLORIDA, i would put sunblock on her alittle more, i’m sure you don’t want her to have skin cancer of some sort.
But overall, really, children don’t know anything than what you teach them, you shouldn’t feel guilty for the small things, just make sure he/she doesn’t pick up on the real bad habbits.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amit gets better. the next list will be: the 25 things kids remember about you being a bad mom. these tales come out usually around holiday get togethers when one grown up child will say, “mom do you remember the time……….” its comming just wait.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amHey, Friends . . . Thanks to Miriam and the rest of you who’ve shared your reactions to my weekly “Bad Mom” column and the “25 Random Things” parody.
Both are intended tongue-in-cheek, and are really about releasing the unnecessary guilt mothers everywhere seem to carry. In my 22+ years of parenting, I’ve known mothers of every stripe–and virtually all of them have been amazing moms. I can relate to just about every item in the lists I’ve seen here and elsewhere . . . and while we’ve all made mistakes and all have room for improvement, I think it’s time we put aside the guilt and remember this: love never fails.
In the end. That’s what it’s all about.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI think part of being a good parent is having high standards. And part of having high standards (and not going crazy) is recognizing that sometimes you are going to fall short. I don’t think such list are guilt inducing so much as recognizing those facts.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 am@Miriam – I’m glad to hear it, because you sound like an awesome mom!
Like I said, I think the lists can be fun if they’re taken as such – and this was definitely a funny list
But I know people who genuinely think that feeling guilty is an essential part of parenthood, and that makes me sad. It just isn’t good for parents or kids
hippygoth commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 am#11 is the story of my life.
#17 is the story of my husbands.Awesome list!
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amMy philosophy of child raising:
Do the best you can and they work it out in therapy!
There is no way you will be perfect, and they would still have problems.
MiriamJoyce commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amErin: I wish more people could take your approach. The fact is that while these individual things make me feel weird or bad from time to time, I agree with you wholeheartedly, and don’t actually walk around weighed down with guilt about them and don’t feel like a bad mom. (If I did, I probably couldn’t confess them.)
Blacksheep: Actually soft sole would be best for all of us. http://nymag.com/health/features/46213/.
And yes, two. There’s an essay about it on Babble somewhere even. Ah yes, here: http://www.babble.com/content/articles/features/personalessays/axel-lute/and-baby-makes-four-my-daughter-has-two-moms-one-dad-and-no-complaints/
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI think these lists are amusing – and if people get a chuckle and a bit of a morale-boost from confessing and reading one another’s confessions I think it’s all good fun.
But I have a sincere problem with the “all moms feel like a bad moms/parenting IS feeling guilty” meme. I don’t get it, and I think it’s genuinely damaging. I make the best choice for my kid with the information I have at the time, whether that’s trading a promise of a cookie for a bite of broccoli or skipping a bath on cranky days, and I don’t feel one scintilla of regret about any of it. I literally could not generate a list of “things that make me feel like a bad mom” if I tried. That’s not because I’m a perfect mom – I don’t think those exist – but I know for a fact I’m a great mom to a great kid, and life’s too short for manufactured guilt
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 ami sent my daughter to school today with a bag of funnyuns, sharp cheddar and a brownie.
she’s allergic to todays school lunch and thats all they had at the convenience store on our way to school.
mehndilotus commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amMeh. I was spanked with a wooden spoon as a kid. I turned out fine. I’ll take it over a hand any day. I don’t think I would use a wooden spoon myself, but I would definitely spank if the situation called for it. Kids aren’t the delicate flowers people seem to think they are. They’re tough little buggers.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amHow old is your kid? I’m guessing she’s walking, in which case she should be wearing regular walking shoes, not soft soled shoes. I think you are misinformed.
Also you have two partners?!
Knitty commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 am“I make sarcastic, inappropriate comments that she doesn’t get when forced to read inane books to her.”
I horrified my MiL a few months ago while reading my baby daughter a book about a kitten that wants to do things other animals do. “Kitty wanted to swim in the lake so he jumped it… but kitties can’t swim!” “So he drowned!” I added cheerfully before turning the page. Poor MiL turned white.
I love your list.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amcomforting.
I bet any parent at any time in history could have written that.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amNice to see this list — it makes me feel better, heh heh. #21 But it’s good because you’re giving her vitamin D exposure.
Parenting is a game you can’t win.
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