Strollerderby
A Few Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman
Pregnant women are moody and often very hungry and large. A deadly trifecta. Avoid a pregnant ninja attack and never ever say any of the following things (even in jest) to a woman ‘in the family way’:
1. Was this pregnancy planned?
2. Wow. You’re huge! You must be due any day!
3. Haven’t you had that baby yet?
4. Have you been journaling this beautiful pregnancy experience?
5. Boy oh boy. I sure hope there are twins in there!
A commenter asked whether anyone had any good/reasonably polite comebacks to these kinds of remarks. I can’t think of anything particularly polite, but how about “Oh I didn’t realize we were on such intimate terms. Perhaps you’d be willing to answer a personal quesiton — Are you having sex regularly?” Any gems to add?
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16 Comments
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amGod, I am in my seventh month and am really sick of the comments about my size. I’m not even convinced that I’m all that big, comparatively speaking — since when does any random person you run into have an accurate catalogue of average woman’s pregnancies at all dates to compare you to just lurking inside their brain?
Only one person has asked me if it was planned, I was so staggered by the question I really didn’t say much in response, serious or snarky.
My husband suggested that I should have said “No, I was raped. But then I thought, hey I’m not getting any younger…”
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amAt 6 1/2 months, my mother said,”Oooh, look at your cleavage. You have baby cleavage. Getting ready to have a baby!” (It went on a bit longer than necessary. I was ignoring her–what do you say to that? There is only one person in the world who has the right to comment on my decolletage, and she is not him.)
Doppelganger commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI hate the strangers who ask you “How far along are you?” and then when you tell them, they barely acknowledge your response and then go about their business, like it’s your JOB to answer the stupid questions of random strangers.
Shortly before I gave birth to my second child, this happened to me twice within ten minutes. The second time it happened (from some dude in a restaurant patio), I was still testy from the first time, and I snapped “Eleven months,” which shut him up and made everyone else on the patio crack up.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amAfter I tell them I am expecting my third boy, I always enjoy “Are you going to try for a girl?” My response usually is, “No, we tried this time” (shuts them up) and then, “This shop is closed, we are even selling the fixtures…”
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amMy SIL is 4 days overdue. She was very tired of people asking, “When are you going to have that baby?” Because pregnancy apparently also gives you psychic powers.
A man in the grcoery store took a bag of Oreos out of my hand when I was 9 months pregnant with baby #1 and told me my baby needed healthy food. Can you blame me for throwing the cookies at him?
I think the all time rudest was, “Is your husband the father?”
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI’m 17 weeks and have received several fun comments such as:
From my own mother:
I didn’t show until I was four months. I can’t believe you’re showing so early! You really look pregnant!
And
I think you’re having a boy because when I was carrying a boy I was fat all over.
I’ve also gotten a lot of:
Wow you’re really showing
Wow you’re going to gain at least 50 lbs.
Last week I just said to someone, look I’m a total fatass. I’m ok with it.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amWhen I was pregnant, I once ordered a caffeinated beverage at a coffee shop, and the barista (who no doubt had a medical degree) said, “Are you sure?” I think my withering glare was a good comeback.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI was due 8 days ago with my third son. I am beyond cranky. I have instructed my husband not to say anything to me until this child is born.
However, in the earlier stages of this pregnancy, it was winter and I was wearing a big coat, and apparently no one really noticed I was pregnant. Then, no coat season, and I was 8 months and huge. Out of the woodwork, all of these comments. It got to the point where I’d either say, “Oh, umm, I’m not pregnant” (just to see the embarrassed looks on their faces), or “I’m 8 months pregnant–but what’s your excuse?”
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 am6. How much weight have you gained?
Would you EVER ask a non-pregnant woman that? And speaking of things you would never say to a non-pregnant woman, I’m wiht diera on commenting on everything you eat being the result of a pregnancy craving. Or commenting every time you go to the bathroom. Look, I had to pee sometimes before I was pregnant, too.
diera commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI would include any remark about what the pregnant woman is eating. Like, “Oooh, baby must want a cupcake!” If you wouldn’t comment on a woman eating a cupcake normally, don’t comment on it just because she’s pregnant.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI endured several of these with my first pregnancy and now that I’m three months pregnant with my second, I’m wondering whether anyone has any good suggestions for comebacks? It would be nice to, relatively politely, let someone know that their comments are not okay.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amAlong with “was it planned” it’s entirely too personal to ask “were you trying?” Um, yeah, if we were close enough to discuss my sex life, you would already know and not have to ask.
bookmama – I feel your pain with “you’re not due until when?? are you sure?” I’m the first amongst the majority of my friends and coworkers to be working on #2, so they just don’t realize that #2 pops out a lot faster than #1 did, and despite not being due until July, I look like I’m due tomorrow. That does not mean it’s ok to tell me so. I know, it sucks, I’m a whale, please don’t remind me. Now hand me that cheese danish already.
cryitout commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 am“How about you go get the ice cream this time?”
I would recommend against it.
brettsinger commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI would add “Are you pregnant?” Something one should *never* assume.
bookmama commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amWhen I was about 7 months along with our daughter, the chair of my department said something along the lines of, “I don’t know how you could possibly get any bigger. Are you sure you’re not due until March?”
Oh, and when I told one of the ob/gyns at my practice (she wasn’t the one who delivered me) that I remembered meeting her when she had been pregnant and that I thought she had looked terrific, she said, “Yes, some women just have good genes. You’re just carrying really differently, and that’s okay.” Uh, how about if I knock you in the teeth? Is that okay, you b*tch?
Manjari commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI agree with all of these. I was treated to a nice version of #2 when I was only 6 months pregnant. A woman in an elevator asked, “When are you due, in, like, 5 minutes?” I was carrying twins, but I still had at least 2 months to go!
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