After my first, my husband gave me the Harry Potter book I was longing for (this was in the height of Harry-mania).

With my second he brought me some Trader Joe’s peanut butter filled pretzels (I really liked them, and at the time TJs was over an hour from our house, so it took some effort).

After my third, I got a magazine subscription, because he remembered I like to read while nursing.

As far as an engagement ring, I got his great-grandmother’s plain gold wedding band.

These gifts reflect our budget at that time. I probably would’ve been pissed had he shown up with some sparkly we couldn’t afford (besides which, I’m not really a jewelry girl) But, if one can afford something more expensive, who am I to judge how they spend their own money?

I think dropping a grand on a diamond after you just had a (very expensive!) baby is ridiculous. And I agree with you on the expectation part of it all, Jen – I have the same attitude toward the women who expect a fancy schmancy engagement ring. Do you love the guy you’re marrying or do you love his now-depleted bank account?

However, if he does decide to mark the occasion, UNEXPECTEDLY, I don’t see anything wrong with celebrating the new baby’s birth as a milestone. I actually bought my husband a new t-shirt (nothing expensive) as a a gift from our daughter. He didn’t push, but it was his big day too.

I would love to be given, following birth, the following push presents:

- a guarantee of continence (see comments above re: bladder control)

- new bras to hold up my new boobs after I’m done lactating: saggy edition!

- major painkillers that would miraculously not affect my infant

- something to erase the memory of labor and delivery

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

gpgirl – Did they? That’s interesting, but not particularly relevant. That DeBeers modified a preexisting tradition to improve sales is one more reason not to buy diamonds, but it takes nothing away from the way people feel about the tradition of engagement rings itself. There’s a big difference between “I need an engagement ring because that’s how engagements and weddings work” and “I need a diamond ring to compensate me for my stretchmarks.”

The difference between ‘push presents’ and engagement rings is that engagement rings are a very old tradition dating back hundreds (thousands?) of years. If engagement rings were a new thing, people would be finding them just as tacky as push presents.

Note that this does not make push presents any less tacky.

I’d never heard of a push present either, but when I found out I was pregnant, I asked my husband for a sring of pearls (no dirty double entendre here). They’re not a reward for surviving the pregnancy and birth, rather a way to celebrate my daughter’s new life. My mother gave my father cufflinks when I was born and he wore them to my graduations, my wedding, etc. I wanted something like that. And I will buy something for my husband when my daughter is born.

I hope that the people who scorn any form of birth gift do not have engagment rings. A woman who carries a baby and gives birth not only suffers for nine months, but also loses her pre preg body, which I personally have never been able to regain(or bladder control inspite of the Kegals:(.

When I gave birth, I was not the only one who got a baby, my husband did too, without having to destroying his body. So yes, a mom does deserve something extra, but it does not have to be diamonds (even my engagment ring is not a diamond, though my son’s birth stone is). I got a vintage china set I’d been eyeing and a fantastic back massage/heating pad that you can put on a chair back. It helped a lot with nursing. There is nothing wrong with a thank you gesture.

I had never heard of a push present before reading the article. And I also agree with the woman quoted in the story, my daughter was present enough. It never even occured to me to ask or hint for anything more.
But i do kind of like the Tourmaline stone, maybe asking for a necklace or something for next christmas would be a good idea. then i could just add a stone if I have another child… sorry, brainstorming. Thanks for the idea though Lys.

I’d heard of push presents before, but didn’t think they were mainstream. As for me…I was more than happy with my husband’s heart felt “good job” right after each of my children were born. Maybe it was just the hormones or after effects of labor, but those words meant more to me than any bauble would.