Strollerderby
Genetic Mom Gets OK to Adopt Baby Carried by Partner
It happens every day – kids get adopted. In forward thinking parts of the country, they even get adopted by members of same sex couples.
But this was a first. A woman who supplied an egg so her female partner could carry their baby has secured the right to adopt her own genetic child – and there was no dispute between the two parties. No divorce, no acrimony. This was all about protecting the child.
Surprised this hasn’t happened before? Me too. Same sex couples carrying each other’s eggs is not exactly new – celebrity chef Cat Cora and her wife just made news a few months ago because they’re both pregnant, and both carrying a fetus made from the opposite’s eggs.
But where a woman carrying a baby with sperm donated by her husband via IVF wouldn’t have a problem naming him as legal father of the child, too many states still deny same sex couples the ability to name their spouse as the baby’s legal parent. Which is why Mona A., the egg donor in this case, petitioned to be named son Sebastian’s legal mother shortly after his birth in 2008.
Mona and wife Ingrid A. were legally married in the Netherlands shortly after the country legalized same sex marriage. Their marriage is recognized in some states, where Mona is automatically afforded the rights as parent of the baby her wife delivered. But in other states, where the Defense of Marriage Act reigns supreme, their marriage means little in the eyes of the law – and Mona would be denied her rights as Sebastian’s mom.
It was in the best interest of their son that Mona and Ingrid made this petition. It’s in imperfect solution to the fight to have their marriage recognized, but it’s what they have done to ensure they can both provide for their child.
According to the judge who presided over the case, “Sebastian’s genetic mother has other potential legal avenues: first,
to be listed on Sebastian’s birth certificate; second … to execute a
statutorily prescribed acknowledgment of paternity [filiation]; and
third, to obtain a judicial order of filiation.”
But Judge Kristin Booth Glen didn’t have jurisdiction to secure any of those options for Mona. What she could do was grant an adoption, making both Ingrid and Mona Sebastian’s legal parents. Glen says it’s the first time a court has had to look at whether two women can be listed on a birth certificate when one is the gestational mother and the second the genetic mother. Although certain states already grant that both members of a same sex couple earn equal legal status as parents, this is the first that takes into account genetics and egg donation.
I am happy for Mona and Ingrid that their case was successful, and I understand that they were doing this in order to retain Mona’s rights across state lines. However, it’s pathetic that this the means two women have to go through to ensure they both have rights to their own child. Moving to Arkansas or Oklahoma or any other Defense of Marriage BS state is not going to make Mona any less genetically tied to this child. No more so than a move across state lines would make a man’s genetic “donation” into a baby any less potent.
But I guess I’m not taking into account that this sweet little baby boy is demon spawn in Arkansas or Oklahoma. . .
Image: Best Quality Wallpapers
Related Posts:
-
Don’t Call Her a Tomboy
-
Mom Gets OK to Collect Dead Son’s Sperm
-
Marching on Washington for the Rights of His “Junk”
-
Making More Marriages Versus “Making Marriage Matter Less”
Also on Babble:
The Other Side of Surrogacy
Go Back To Strollerderby
4 Comments
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amAs I understand it, this couple had their son outside the U.S., so they had different legal circumstances at the time–but you’re right, this isn’t exactly new. I donated an egg to my partner in 2003 to have our son. Instead of doing an adoption, however, we obtained a court order in NJ before our child was born, stating that we would both be his parents. The advantage of this kind of pre-birth order over an adoption was that our child had two legal parents from the moment of birth; there wasn’t a gap while we waited for an adoption. (Just having us both on the birth cert wouldn’t have been enough, since other states may not recognize one mom’s right to be on it.)
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI don’t really think this is new… Genetics aside, this is called second-parent adoption. ALL lesbian couples in the U.S. have to go through this if they want to ensure they have parental rights over their children no matter where they travel to. Though, some more conservatives states don’t even allow it – for couples who live there, it is even harder for non-birth-mothers to claim parental rights.
Even if you live in a state that recognizes same-sex marriage, as this couple does, you need second-parent adoption to ensure that if you were ever in an emergency in another state with your child, your parental rights would not be questioned.
The mother who gives birth has automatic legal rights, but the other mother, whether it was her egg or not, needs to go through second-parent adoption in order to be 100% sure of her parental rights. There is kind of a gray area where birth certificates are considered “records” and not “legal documents” that means even if both moms names are on the certificate, the parental rights of the mom that didn’t give birth can be questioned – hence the need for second-parent adoption, which is a legal process.
Second-parent adoption is kind of Gay Rights 101, and has been since well before equal marriage rights started becoming a reality, so I really don’t understand the whole “first” angle here.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI agree with Alice – you can’t allow people who donate genetic material to be considered parents by virtue of their donation. It would make things very difficult for people who need donor material to create their families.
I’m happy that these mothers have found a solution that helps them get what they want.
An easier solution would be to make birth certificates more flexible so that parents in non-traditional family arrangements can have their relationships reflected on the child’s birth certificate. Perhaps an extra space for additional parents or two slots each for mother and father.
Of course, women who have a male partner who is not the biological father of their child can already do this. It happens all the time, for many different reasons. It’s not an issue. They just name the non-biological father, no adoption necessary.
Being that child’s biological mother, doesn’t make her any more of a mother than women who are mothers to their partner’s children.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amIf we did not have such laws then any genetic donaros, egg or sperm, would have automatic legal rights to a baby not carried by them. One minute people want genetics to matter then the next they say it doesn’t. You cant have it both ways.
Add your take:
Note: Babble is a supportive, diverse community. We encourage a range of opinions,
but any unduly hostile comments will be removed.
Comments are delayed up to 15 minutes
The Walt Disney Company supports Babble as a platform dedicated to honest, engaged, informed, intelligent and open conversation about parenting. However, the opinions expressed on this site are those of individual parents/writers and do not reflect the views of Disney. In addition, content provided on this site is for entertainment or informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or safety advice.