Strollerderby
Joint Custody: A Dad Speaks
Joint custody sucks. From talking to several adults who endured various manifestations of the joint-custody dance as children, plus observing what it does to my own children, all I can say about it is that it’s not easy. If the kids are lucky they end up as resilient, flexible adults who don’t mind traveling. If they’re not lucky, well, there’s always years of therapy ahead to help iron out the kinks.
I was surprised and touched, therefore, to read this father’s perspective. In the minority when it comes to custody-sharing dads who typically are awarded alternate weekends or some other small slice of the total kid-time pie available, this one wrote a rather moving piece reflecting on his reaction when his kids boarded a plane every year to spend summers with their mom. Which means he’s the primary parent, the one who nurtures and protects his kids all year long.
I guess I could only read this within the context of my own experience, having always been the primary parent but now grudgingly sharing that role, but somehow I found this heartening. Have I been holding presumptions about dads and their parenting abilities? [gulp] Sure, I know there are exceptions, but I wonder if I haven’t fallen prey to some of the pervasive myths out there about dads and parenting.
Any advice from those who have been there? Are more dads than we think really up to the task of single-parenting?
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1 Comment
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 am“Have I been holding presumptions about dads and their parenting abilities? [gulp] Sure, I know there are exceptions, but I wonder if I haven’t fallen prey to some of the pervasive myths out there about dads and parenting.”
Yeah, probably. My parents are divorced and my dad had primary custody. I think he did a pretty good job.
Just as pervasive as the myths about fathers being the primary nuturers are those about women who have children (especially daughters) but don’t have primary custody of them.
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