Strollerderby
Not Every Kid With a Mother Has a "Mommy"
A few weeks ago I was at Music Together with my daughter. We were singing a song where a typical verse went like this:
“Who’s that tapping at the window? /Who’s that knocking at the door?
Mommy’s tapping at the window?/Daddy’s knocking at the door.”
(Makes you think of the toddlers who lock their parents out, doesn’t it?)
After it was over, my daughter turned to me and said “That’s song’s silly.”
“Why?” I asked, though I was pretty sure I knew what was coming.
“It doesn’t have a Mama in it.”
And indeed it didn’t. Though most of the world thinks of “Mommy” and “Mama” as interchangable, for children like her who have both, they’re not exactly. She’s been told, and basically understands, that they are just “parent names” and that all mothers and fathers get to choose a specific ones like “mommy” or “mama,” and that doesn’t mean they have different roles as parents. Nonetheless, she likes them to be in balance
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10 Comments
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amYou know, there is alway going to be some group to which an individual does not fit. There will arise a situation in which one may find himself (or herself) not included. Why strive to change the perception of normalcy? Why seek validation for an alternative lifestyle from society? Is it your own attempt If you and your family unit are content with the dynamics, why do you care who else approves or disapproves? No one is infringing on your right to live with ‘two partners and daughter’ no matter how much some people may not like it. Live the way you want, but don’t force others to live the way you want and they shouldn’t force anything on you either.
MiriamJoyce commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amSarah: I certainly don’t get miffed when someone uses the “wrong one.” So not the point.
It honestly never occurred to me that they were interchangeable, as I’d known no mamas, nor ever registered it being used.
I think, though, given that they are, that it would be more like being miffed if someone mixed up “sofa” and “couch” — using davenport is like picking a far less common and interchangeable name. And as you point out, that still wouldn’t avoid the frustration, because people still wouldn’t know to use it or remember which was which.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI don
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amWell, Alice, if you’re still around, what’s the harm? Or is it a silly-but-harmless notion?
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amMy daughter’s school does a nice thing where some of the songs they sing different kids get to fill in a name; so 3 kids got to name someone to be getting hugs. One said her baby brother, one his Poppy, and one her mother.
Manjari commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amYou said it, MistressScorpio. People who think inclusion is PC gone overboard are people who have always been included and don’t really mind if others remain excluded.
MistressScorpio commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amPeople who think PC has gone overboard are usually not the ones feeling marginalized by society. They’re fearful of the notion that they might not be considered the “normal” by which every one else is measured. Thank goodness a new normal is coming…
I also attend Music Together with my child. The teacher also changes it up in order to be more inclusive of various kinds of families.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amIt isn’t overboard PC, it is acknowledging that there is more than one way to be a family. I can see how Mommy/Daddy isn’t that different from Momma/Papa but it is quite different from Mommy/Momma and Daddy/Papa. I wholeheartedly feel that kids should hear regularly about these various types of families. My kids have a set of 2 grandmothers and many same sex couple family friends and they still don’t naturally include all possible options in their play and conversations. I think it is very important for same sex families to be visible to children.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amHow silly this whole notion is. PC gone overboard.
Manjari commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amMy kids and I go to Music Together too, and that song was on the cd for last seesion. The teacher always modifies the songs when we do them in class, leaving it open for kids or parents to suggest what’s next. She’s very inclusive of everyone this way, and I think it works.
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