Perhaps Renee is jealous. Perhaps Renee doesn’t have a husband who is a badass father. Chin up Renee!

I can debunk Deborah Tannen too: she’s a linguist. Nothing wrong with that, but all she really does is analyze people’s communication patterns. Nothing in her book (at least the one I read, the one that men are frequently assigned by their female shrinks) offers any basis for attributing these patterns to gender, rather than height or right- or left-handedness or anything else. It seemed to me, for example, that her analysis of nagging (which was spot-on) perfectly applied to every exchange I ever had with my mother about chores. Our gender was the same, but what differed was our degree of power. Of course gender is related to power as well, but is it always its source? Of course not, it’s just one of its most visible sources.

(I’m not always this harsh, really, you just hit a couple of my sore points!)

Ok, here are a couple of links I have read lately on the issues:

http://books.guardian.co.uk/extracts/story/0,,2181069,00.html

Title: Do women and men communicate differently at work? An empirical study in Hong Kong
Author(s): Catherine W. Ng
Journal: Women in Management Review

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20070706/men-dont-talk-less-than-women

Perhaps “debunked” is a strong word, but scholars are seriously questioning the veracity of previous stereotypes about gender and communication.

I can’t remember where I originally read the whole thing (something off my rss feed) and I randomly found these while researching it to answer you, so I apologize if these aren’t exactly what I was originally thinking of.

I didn’t read self-righteousness, but I did think it is a little…earnest. Lighten up, Sol! Have a little fun! With a blog title of “How to Be a Badass Dad,” I was expecting a little more humor. Kids are hysterically funny, so it’s not like there is any shortage of subject matter.

Renee:

Snap!

In my defense, if you read the “about” pages I try my best to disclaim such notions. The blog is meant to be a rallying cry for dads who need to feel supported in their underground roles as involved parents–not a lecture. If the lecturing tone comes across, well, it’s probably because I lecture for a living.

I certainly don’t proclaim to know-it-all, but that I am a student of these things and doing my best to put into words what it is that I’ve learned through positive and negative experiences. The goal of the blog is to invite like-minded people to share their experiences so that we can put together a base of knowledge to draw from.

And why don’t moms write this way? Well, I think that much of what I speak of there is expected of moms in our society, but not of dads. I don’t think that’s right, but it’s true. And since the primary audience is men, well, we have different conversational styles than women.

All that said, you don’t have to like it, but I do appreciate that you checked it out. Come by again some time, if only to make this comment on my site.

And Redsy, thanks so much for this wonderful write-up. It’s probably a good thing that Renee slammed me so hard, because your write up was making me shine a little too much. Thanks!

-Sol