Strollerderby
Are You a VSP (Very Serious Parent)?
Parenting is very serious. If you screw up (like give your kids non-organic food or let them watch more than 5 minutes of television), they’ll never graduate high school and forever work at McDonald’s as a manager. Or worse. Work as an ER social worker on contract! No health insurance, no retirement, nothing to look forward to since they won’t be having children (because of global warming), and won’t get married until they’re 50.
If you’re just convinced of any of the following, I’m afraid you might just be a VSP:
1. You believe all other parents are truly giving their toddlers lower back tattoos.
2. That environmental degradation and baby bottle-poisoning will infect your children to the point that their children will have three heads and four legs.
3. If you don’t homeschool your child, let him/her sleep in your bed until they’re 15, feed your child 100% nutritional foods at all times, and have a live-in French tutor, you are a bad parent and will dial child protective services yourself.
4. You will not let anyone watch your child, even grandparents, or your partner. They just don’t do it right.
5. You believe that your child will blow away by the slightest breeze of disappointment or challenge, so you protect him/her from all pain.
If you’ve answered yes to 3 or more of these, I’m afraid you are a Very Serious Parent (VSP). Not to worry, so am I. Even the most caustic child-complaining grups can’t hide the anxiety and white knuckling of raising kids.
Realizing one is a VSP is the first step in recovery.
And the only real antidote to this is silliness. And you know who are the silliest people on the planet? Kids! So let them take charge for a few days… make and plan the meals, pick out what everyone will where and do, and generally rule the roost. Now if they’re older than 3 this won’t provide any real fun since they’ll likely have a clue about the proper running of things.
In all seriousness, why are we all so serious? How can something as theoretically instinctual as child-rearing be so complicated and difficult? The answer, I fear, is that we’ve lost our collective sense of levity about the whole enterprise.
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3 Comments
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amAs always, RIGHT ON, Reds! Love it!
SussLW commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amThat’s amazing, Sweet Baboo! There was a time when I lived alone and most meals involved frozen veggies – sometimes they were the ONLY thing I had for dinner!
Sweet Baboo commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amOh, man. This just reminds me of something I read in HipMama ages ago. A woman claimed that her son, a child of almost 5, had never had a frozen vegetable. He ate only organic, sustainable, locally grown produce bought at farmer’s markets.
How will we mortals ever measure up?
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