Strollerderby
Sense of Entitlement? Blame Mr. Rogers!
Well, according to this article in the Wall Street Journal, part of the blame belongs to children’s television icon Mr. Rogers. A finance professor at Louisiana State University, Don Chance, claims that Mr. Rogers meant well and was a sterling role model in many ways but what often got lost in his self-esteem-building patter was the idea that being special comes from working hard and having high expectations for yourself.
Obviously, Mr. Rogers alone can’t be blamed for this. But as Prof. Chance sees it, “he’s representative of a culture of excessive doting.” He wishes more parents would offer kids this perspective: “The world owes you nothing. You have to work and compete. If you want to be special, you’ll have to prove it.”
It’s an interesting perspective and one that I think I’ll begin to reenforce more with my daughter. Because now that I think about it, every day at the playground, I see parents fawning over their children and lavishing enormous praise on them for doing absolutely NOTHING! Do many of you see the same thing?
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10 Comments
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amThe odd holiday week has finally come to an end. Odd, I say, because who takes only Wednesday off? It's like a cruel trick played on parents — yeah, it's the weekend! Wait a minute, no it's not. Get back to work! It hurts my brain to think
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amPingBack from http://stickorbrick.wordpress.com/2007/07/07/blame-it-on-mr-rogers/
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amPingBack from http://casadeverno.com/?p=365
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI think that celebrating your child’s accomplishments is wonderful and is something that every parent should do.
However, giving your child an inflated sense of self and setting them up for disappointment is not a good thing.
My kid rocks, plain and simple and when she gets older, we will congratulate her on the things that she does well, but, we’re not going to tell her that she can be whatever she wants to be because that’s not true. We won’t tell her that she’s the best at everything because that’s also not true.
I think that the over emphasis on building self esteem and making our kids feel like “unique snowflakes” is part of the problem.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI don’t disagree, but do remember that of course there’s always room for a healthy dose of moderation – which I make every effort to teach my daughter. I try very hard to help her understand that we all have strengths and weaknesses and each one of us is no better or worse than another, just different. But on the other hand, the rest of the world will tell children soon enough that they’re not good enough. Often the only place our kids hear that they’re great is from their parents. I, for one, would rather err on the side of too much self-esteem than too little if an error must be made. The rest of the world will crush her dreams soon enough… but hopefully her parents will be there to help her deal with that when the time comes.
I love this editorial by Peter Sagal from NPR on the subject:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=10358490
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amMaybe if more kids felt truly special there would be less bullying, less teen pregnancy, less degrading and demeaning of others so that some can feel better than others.
Maybe if more of us felt entitled we’d have universal health care, good education for ALL kids and living wages for ALL workers. Maybe we’d demand that childcare be affordable for all who need it.
Maybe if people stopped competing over everything and started cooperating we’d acutally live up to our human potential. Maybe we’d stop killing each other over stupid sh*t.
Finally, for those of you who are quick to judge your fellow parents, please remember, not everyone was born the fantastic parent you are. Some of us are actually making this up as we go, just hoping that we don’t totally f*ck up our kids.
-B
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI agree that kids should be taught that “the world owes them nothing.” and life isn’t fair and that they need to work hard to make something of themselves. But I don’t think it’s Mr. Rogers self-esteem building patter that inflicts the damage. Most children, from less dysfunctional families, are told they are special from day one by their families. Images of Paris Hilton and the oil tycoon idiot she hangs out with are far more damaging as they were born to their riches and mostly just party to be considered “special.”
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amPingBack from http://www.universityupdate.com/SEC/Louisiana_State/3634430.aspx
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amOh, yes. Many parents are so permissive and indulgent, it’s hard to parent in such an atmosphere.
I have personally witnessed a little kid with a strong attitude look square in the eye of another little friend that did nothing and yell maliciously, “you are not my friend anymore! I don’t like you!” Then he turned to his mama and mama looked at him, grabbed his cheeks, planted a kiss on his face and said, “You are just the sweetest thing ever!” No accountability. No mention of it!
I am all for kids working things out but I also think that they need the tools to be kind and compassionate. Kids can be downright cruel and quite self-important if left to their own devices.
In regard to praising all ordinary feets, it’s taken a long time to retrain myself, but I no longer say, “Good job!” for each accomplishment. Now, I just repeat the task that he did. “Yes, you carefully climbed the ladder by yourself”
squawks commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI am the mother of an 18-month-old who gets fawned over and praised lavishly just because she exists and is deeply loved. I’d imagine that this will be a hard habit for me to break when she gets older, but then again: will there come a time when I’ll be expected to withhold my demonstrations of parental pride until my child does something others would deem deserving? and if you can’t get a little doting and fawning from your mom, who can you get it from?
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