Strollerderby
Soccer Players Pee on Rival Field: Or Why I Can’t Be a Soccer Mom
There’s lots of reasons while I’ll never be able to be the right kind of soccer mom. I can’t give pointers, because I stink at ball sports. My snack-making skills are limited, and I’d hate for my kid to be mortified by my offering of broken multigrain crackers and browning apple slices. I detest sitting in lawn chairs, and my car only seats four comfortably. I lack the ability to get grass stains out of a uniform, and I’m totally the kind of mom who forgets to wash the gear until moments before the game, and has to dress her child in a slightly damp jersey while she’s already standing on the field.
Also, when I read about these girls peeing on their rivals’ field and then posting the pictures on the internet, my first thought was “hee hee hee.”
See, I know that I should be appropriately outraged by the unsportsman/womanlike conduct. It flies in the face of the good, character-building aspect of the sport, of healthy competitiveness, of the self-esteem that comes from taking wins and losses gracefully. But I loooove sports rivalry pranks. Mascot-stealing and uniform sabotage entertain me. Look, I draw the line at violence and post-game fights and getting overly worked up about what is, after all, just a game. But peeing? That’s just funny.
I don’t pretend to have the high moral ground here, and I can only imagine if my child came home with a suspension notice after taking a leak on the competition’s home turf and my disciplinary response was a high-five and hysterical laughter. Maybe my inner frat boy is just too powerful. That’s why I’m staying away from the field. For the greater good.
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