Strollerderby
The Politics of Preschool Presents
This past weekend I was at the mall to buy a birthday present for my 4-year-old nephew. I was headed to Border’s, where we’ve purchased books for Finn since he was born. I love to read, my kids love to be read to, and so we buy books we like for our young relations.
But as I was walking toward Border’s, I passed the Disney store. And I realized, I have no idea if Finn actually likes books. But I do know he loves all things Disney. So, even though I refrain from shopping there for my own kids, I walked into the Disney store and bought Finn a Buzz Lightyear bathing suit, sun shirt, flip-flops, and towel. And I’m sure he loved it.
So I started thinking about all the gifts I’ve given in the past. Did I give gifts that I thought the recipient would like? Or did I give gifts that I liked?
I once read an article that said people over-tipped in restaurants because they wanted their server to think highly of them; in other words, for purely selfish reasons. And I realized that I was doing the same thing with gift-giving. I was so desperate for the parents of the gift recipient to think highly of me, I was buying presents that I thought made me look good–wooden blocks, books, non-gender specific imaginative play–that I wasn’t really thinking about what the kid would actually like.
Of course, there’s also something to be said for expanding a child’s horizons. My son likes Spiderman, but he doesn’t need (and might possibly not even want) every single gift in the Spiderman oeuvre.
I guess I need to find a happy medium. Just because my son’s friend loves Dora doesn’t mean I need to buy her yet another Dora doll or plastic backpack. But maybe she would like a Dora Scrabble set or Dora chapter book. Or maybe even a different doll for Dora to play with. No, they’re not the most unique gifts in the world and the child’s parents won’t be wildly impressed with my creative gift-giving skills. But the child sure will be.
Photo: SFGate/Dreamstime
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7 Comments
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI call and ask, and if they aren’t specific, then you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit…..(my son’s kindergarten teacher used to say that). I love when people buy my kids books, and they enjoy books. Wouldn’t bother me a bit, but neither would anything Disney.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amFirst, I’ll say that gift sounded cute. It’s ok to not go with a book. Plus, it was practical so that’s good too.
But….
While it’s nice to get what a kid is into, so many kids I know just have too much. Some get these things on a regular basis. Grandparents or other relatives can’t help themselves. And when birthdays come, it can be overwhelming.
I usually give books and don’t worry about whether he or she will love it. I try my best to match the book to the kid, but I don’t always know every birthday girl or boy that well. Sometimes I just pick a book I know is good. And I always give a gift receipt.
Most kids I know get enough presents that if mine sucks, it won’t ruin their big day.
Sometimes the parents hope you won’t give something linked to that beloved licensed character. A dora toy or whatever might thrill him or her now, but in a year or two it may be junk It become too much when everyone thinks that’s the perfect gift. Does a kid need everything to have Dora’s face on it?
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amThanks KeriF for posting. I am sure the parents love it and so do I.
elohveeee12 commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amwhen people asked what to buy for my daughters 1st birthday (she isnt two yet so its the only one she has had), i suggested books. she loves books, i love books, but books are expensive. so when people ask what to get her for this or that, i say she likes elmo, handy manny, and books. you take it from there.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amKeri- I had to laugh reading this! At least you’re buying a gift! My son isn’t at the age where he has friends that we buy for, but for family gifts we make a donation to birthdaywishes.org. It’s a local organization that provides birthday parties for kids who live in homeless and domestic violence shelters. I’m sure it doesn’t make us the most popular aunts, but at least I feel good about where my money is going!
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI buy all children I know books as presents. I am a big reader, and like to think I’m promoting love of literacy. Maybe they won’t love it now, but maybe one rainy day with nothing else to do, they’ll pick it up. Maybe they will discover the joy I have in books. Maybe they will learn there is more to life than want = get, when it comes to gifts. Sometimes people give you things you don’t want, or things you didn’t realize you wanted.
JeanneSager commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amThis is why I hate the parents who – when asked – refuse to provide some sort of idea of what their kids are into. Is it Dora, trucks, Star Wars? Yeah, I’d probably buy a book that relates to the theme rather than yet another plastic figurine, but if I can peg it to what they like, it seems like a more worthwhile shopping trip.
It’s nice to expand their horizons, but I’d like to know I’m getting a child something they will at least potentially LIKE – otherwise, what’s the point of spending the money?
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