Strollerderby
The Problem with "Orgasmic Birth"
The documentary Orgasmic Birth is coming to 20/20 in early January. I have mixed feelings about this.
First, unlike some of my fellow bloggers, I have no trouble believing orgasms can occur during the birth process, and this fact neither creeps me out nor makes me angry. I even think that it’s cool that a documentary on the phenomenon is out and about.
However, it does creep me out that in the accompanying print article, people seem to be holding up orgasmic birth as somehow central to or representative of the messages of the natural birth movement, especially the very very important message that things like atmosphere, position, how safe a woman feels and how afraid she is will (along with a bunch of other stuff) affect her experience of labor pain, and the amount of it. They keep linking the idea of orgasmic birth being this big “best-kept secret” directly with such basic concepts as how it matters that women be allowed to labor in comfortable positions. I find this to be a troubling leap.
For my part, I think I had about as good a set-up as could be asked for. I was at home, I had a tub, I was never on my back, I felt safe and well cared for, I didn’t go in particularly afraid. In fact, I knew of the existance of orgasmic birth, and while I didn’t expect it, I was fully open to the idea that I might experience contractions as “rushes” instead of “pains.”
I didn’t. It hurt. A lot. I know this is no big surprise to most of you. It was not intolerable, and it was, as some call it, “pain with a purpose.” It was worth it. But it sure was pain, and I sure didn’t feel sexy or like an earth goddess or any of that.
Luckily, I hadn’t been expecting to, and so I look back on my birth experience as a positive, empowering one.
But I’m afraid that if this orgasmic birth stuff is presented in the wrong light it’s going generate a lot of “damn hippie” sentiment about natural birth, or even worse, a bunch of angry women who feel they were misled into thinking if they just breathed right and weren’t afraid, it definitely wouldn’t hurt.
The film’s website says “Filmmaker Debra Pascali-Bonaro reveals a
revolutionary approach to birth that is statistically safer for both mother
and child than the birthing and delivery methods that are standard in many
parts of the world today.” Maybe she does. I think most of what the folks involved in the film would advocate would in fact do that. But surely orgasmic births are a happy side effect of that, not the revolutionary approach itself?
My take is that orgasmic birth is like simultaneous orgasms when two virgins have sex. Possible? Sure. Cool? Hell ya. Likely? Hardly. But more importantly, focusing on it as the goal makes a lot of people feel like a failure. You can just as easily up the odds by doing a lot of things you should be doing anyway: making sure people are well educated about sex and anatomy, happy with their bodies, not pressured into sex, etc.
Photo by Irannis.
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6 Comments
Joanie commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI just remember a friend of mine lecturing me, as she was 7 months pregnant, on how orgasmic birth was this thing the “medical establishment” wouldn’t tell you about. Everybody was hiding how pleasurable and intimate childbirth should really be if done right.
She labored for nearly 48 hours at home and finally had to call medics to help her deliver her gigantic baby. She could have died. I was ultimately able to bite my tongue from asking if she had an orgasm.
I think it’s fine to remind people that childbirth pain doesn’t need to be equated with broken limbs or severe burns — fine, fine. But to get people expecting a transcendent sexual experience? Come on. Enough already!
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI think the filmmaker should have used a different title for this film. Because I don’t believe she ever meant to convey that orgasm in labour is possible for all, many or even some women. I think she recognizes that the phenomena is pretty darned rare (but not necessarily as rare as you might think).
I believe she intended for orgasmic birth to be a metaphoric approach to the birthing experience where there is intimacy, calmness and joy.
So, yeah, the idea that an orgasmic birth is the ideal we all should strive for via natural birthing practices is kinda dippy and misleading. It sure would be nice if it could be so once you extracted all the modern maternity rigmarole that so often hinders physiologically efficient labour and birth but birth just isn’t like that for the vast majority of women no matter how much they are ready to groove through their labours.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI am okay with talking about it but calling it “orgasmic” is just weird to me. Even though sex is involved in most of the conceptions today, the delivery is not sexy at all. I mean there’s blood, poop, tearing, etc. That said, there might be people that orgasm from sex that involves those things too but is it something that needs to be talked about on 20/20? Even though birth itself is a miracle, I doubt that while my husband was down while I was pushing thought, “Man, I would so want to hit that.”
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amHehe- If the noises I made during labor were the ones I made when orgasming, I don’t think my husband could make it through one scrumping sesh without either laughing or running away horrified. Just saying.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI just wrote a post about this documentary on my blog.
My main problem (which is much like yours) is that it sort of makes women feel like failures if they’re not able to experience this. My labor was horrific. With an overdue baby and low amniotic fluid, I was induced after she was two weeks late.
I had no break between contractions. Those suckers hurt. And they just kept coming. No relief for six hours. Just constant, constant contractions. I certainly wasn’t thinking about anything pleasurable, and for me to have had an orgasm at that point would have been insane.
But good luck to them. Really.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amAn old friend of mine had an orgasm once when she ate a McDonalds apple pie. People can get orgasms from all kinds of crazy things. I used to get them from climbing trees. I think documentaries about these phenomena would be silly, and I feel the same about orgasmic birth. In either of the examples I gave, one realizes that the orgasm was just a quirk of human physiology; Orgasmic Climbing, Orgasmic McDonalds Dining are not soon to be in 20/20. But throw in the word “birth” and suddenly the experience approaches the mystical.
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