Strollerderby
Top 7 Most Essential Products for Parents Who are Scared of the World
Money may not buy love, but it can certainly buy safety and cleanliness.
1) If your biggest fear is getting a face full of urine, Whizz Kid Wee Blocks are the modern day parent’s Pee Pee Tee Pees.
2) Terrified that your toddler might choke on a piece of fruit? Don’t hack it into small pieces! Just wrap it in a mesh feeder. Because apple and fabric is the next chocolate and peanut butter.
3) If a dirty dress is your personal nightmare, pick up a few motorized ice cream cones. (Two AA batteries are not included.)
4) Baby’s knees are in danger! Get her a pair of baby knee pads, which will keep her safe during all of her crawling adventures.
5) Protect your toddler’s noggin with the Bumper Bonnet (pictured)! Sadly, we’re out of the giant rolls of Baby Bubble Wrap (TM).
6) Do you have a fast eater? Does she keep burning her mouth on hot mac ‘n’ cheese? Don’t wait an extra five minutes to serve her, just get a Mac and Cool.
7) GERMS! Especially PUBLIC POTTY GERMS! Don’t stop to wash your hands, just wear Potty Mitts! Or the GERMS will GET YOU!
Photo credit: leapsandbounds.com
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24 Comments
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amWow, I take it all you parents who think the helmet is a ridiculous idea have never watched your little one fall face first on concrete?!?!? I was just saying this weekend that someone should invent a helmet that infants can wear when outside and learning to walk. My son justed turned 1 and he’s been walking for 2 weeks and wants no help from mom and dad, yet our drive way is all concrete and let me tell you. When someone told me they had such a thing I bought one!! I at least know I wont spend my summer at the ER room b/c he fell and hit his head. But suit yourself and let them fall on hard concrete with chances of head trauma!!
Irritated at how nieve you people can be!
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amlol. lighten up momz. so someone in the internet thinks your mac n cool is useless. get over it. if it helps you fine keep supporting the comany. if someone else laughs…. oh well!
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amMerrymommy, based on your comment I’m sure you’ll conclude it’s hilarious when people make unfounded judgments about your parenting based on things you to do to try to take care of your children.
merrymommy commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI read this article and laughed. Then I read the snippy complaints people left and got irritated. Lighten up people!! By the way, the mesh feeder thing totally sucks.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amMaybe the lighthearted posts should be funny, then we’d be able to pick them out better.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amPut the mess feeder in the dishwasher. Ours has always come out clean.
anonymous2 commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI think this was really supposed to be a light-hearted post, an opportunity for all of us over-protective parents (myself included) to take a step back and laugh at the sometimes humorous lengths we go to to (over?) protect our children. I don’t think it was meant nearly as seriously as many seem to have taken it. And I don’t believe for a second that the blogger was referring to children with special needs when she was poking fun at these products. With the possible exception of the mesh feeder, which I agree can be quite useful, I have to agree that the other items are overkill for normal, healthy children. Come on, potty mitts, people? How can you not get a chuckle out of that, especially when soap and water are provided for free at nearly every public restroom in the US?
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amThe mesh feeders are a pain in the ass to clean. Nice idea, but I threw ours away with the second banana I tried to feed my then infant son.
The rest of the gear is hilariously wrong! And while I can certainly see how a medical condition could warrant extra protection, I doubt the intended market for the helmets and pads is kids with bleeding disorders.
Seriously. The leapsandbounds catalog is excellent fun, if read with a bit of a sarcastic approach.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amBBBGMOM, now I am scared to death. He was almost two?
See, this is the thing – I really don’t want to be the scared of the world, overprotective parent that people are making fun of here, but I do get panicky when I think of anything horrible actually happening to my children. I’m sure most or many parents feel the same way. I haven’t personally used any of the products mocked in this blog (and some of them do strike me as silly), but I’m sure I might be overprotective by some people’s standards.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amWe all need to keep in mind that these are just posts by a blogger. It isn’t real journalism…
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amMy baby loves the mesh feeder. It’s a pain in the butt to clean, though. I don’t know about the baby, but I myself would really like a motorized ice cream cone.
BBBGMOM commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amDitto, ditto, ditto… and I can’t believe the mainstream mesh feeder made this list! I don’t know very many people who DIDN’T use the mesh feeder at least during the most choke-happy times. Have you seen a baby die from choking? My coworker’s nephew died from literally inhaling a little piece of apple when he was not quite two. One chunk of hard fruit or cheese going down the wrong pipe will do it. I don’t mind admitting that I’m “scared” of that prospect.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amLets keep in mind that drool.i.cious prostitutes high end products like everyone can afford them….
Perhaps if some of these products were priced and packaged for highbrow folks, Babble would have a positive spin?!
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amActually, I checked a few of the links, and it didn’t seem like the advertisers were trying to scare anyone into buying this stuff..
steffmarcusky commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI agree with CaliMama, too, but I want someone to come up with a good excuse for the Wee Wee thingee – especially the one that comes with the costume. I think when I look at the picture of the child in the helmet, I forget about special-needs children and think only of those of us who are over-protective (I will buy one of those leashes for the Boy when he starts to walk).
Adrienne was being a little snarky, but she was also reminding us to breathe a little when we get over-protective.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI think that’s a very reasonable comment, CaliMama, and I admit some of those products seem excessive to me, too — at least they seem so to me based on the specifics of the child I have, the parents my spouse and I are and the home where we live.
But what gets me is the tone of the post — the whole you’re-an-idiot-if-you-purchase-any-of-those-things attitude, which denies any reality other than the the poster’s. Babble claims it’s a “community for a new generation of parents,” and it doesn’t seem to me to foster this purported community to so narrow-mindedly attack people whose needs or priorities differ from one’s own, at least when those really are differences of degree, as exemplified here. (What I mean is that this isn’t a debate where one view advocates immediate danger or harm, such as whether to give open flames to infants or whether to start toddlers on crystal meth, for instance, in which I would take the position that sweeping judgments would be far more appropriate.)
It’s nothing new for me, I’m just again disappointed in the rush to judgment and lack of thinking and compassion displayed by the columnists here.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amOkay, parents with kids who have certain high risks and needs obviously have certain products that are real life savers. My child had a heart condition when she was born and had open heart surgery. I get it.
Sure, some of these products may be useful, even medically necessary, for some families.
At the same time, this post (as I read it) is making fun of advertisers who use scare tactics to convince parents of children who are perfectly healthy to SPEND MORE MONEY and BUY MORE STUFF or SOMETHING HORRIBLE WILL HAPPEN.
Just my perspective…
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amThanks again, Babble, for the abundant nasty judgments on parents.
We tried the mesh feeder, wasn’t a big hit at our house. But it’s good to know that Ms. Martini judges me “scared of the world” because I dared seek any way to get my (then-)underweight child to consume more calories without choking, as the occupational therapist (to whom the pediatrician sent us) recommended. But of course, I’m sure Ms. Martini knows better than those stupid occupational therapists. They must all be scared of the world too.
As Cobbler so well put it, another informed and enlightened post.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI freaking loved the mesh feeders. My kids ate all sorts of stuff out of them, the very favorite being a giant chunk of ice.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amThat mesh feeder was a lifesaver for a teething toddler.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI’ll be sure to pass this on to my cousin, whose 3-year-old son has hemophilia and wears a Bumper Bonnet. I’m sure once she reads about how silly the padded helmet is, she’ll ditch it and just risk the internal bleeding.
Thanks for another informed and enlightened post.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI would exchange links for this type of product with my mom while I was pregnant with my first child. We thought they were hilarious and laughed how my daughter would be the most robust kid in her class. Then last week she pulled herself to standing in her crib, slipped and hit her forehead on the edge of the railing. For about two minutes I was seriously considering the helmet.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amI love that the mac and cool link has a quote about potty mitts, and the potty mitts link features a quote about mac and cool. It makes both of those products sound so much better for some reason.
Anonymous commented on Jan 01 70 at 12:00 amWow. All this time, we’ve put fruits into our mesh bag for our 7 month old, and attaching (with those plastic “chains”) the feeder to the chair so he doesn’t drop it on the floor. We even put dried mango in there and let him chew on it (appears to help with the teething – and he’ll eventually rehydrate it himself).
Now I see the folly of my ways. It is much better to let him constantly drop a piece of banana on the floor (3 second rule, right?) and choke on dried mango. Thanks!
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