Of course it isn’t ok to abuse/cause injury to your child. You always try positive reinforcement before entering the level of “consequences.”

However, I have seen my child hurt herself and I have also hurt her unintentionally while trying to control her in a fit of rage. These fits of rage are usually because she has lost scope of rules and boundaries. Why the rage? Because kids just do that…they test to the point where rules and other consequences are completely disregarded. It’s something I’ve seen many children go through. Guess what…those injuries where actual injuries — bruises, scratches…kids can really hurt themselves if they want to. Now, give the uncontrollable child a “next level” of consequence, and they realize that they are not in control. The notion of a spanking alone has prevented the entire episode in our household many times.

Half of the arguments on this subject are due to misinterpretations of the other party’s actions and intentions. A pat on the butt verses hitting your spouse? C’mon, that’s a B.S. comparison and you know it. A simple pat on the butt is nothing but a “next-level of consequence” for misbehaving…not abuse. I talk to my daughter about this. She knows that spankings are not meant to hurt her. She knows that we don’t just hand out spankings whenever. Yep, a 3 year old understands this. She doesn’t particularly like it, but she is well aware of why we do it. Why can’t you understand it?

You have twisted the definition of abuse to represent your argument…good for you.

Spanking out of anger=never okay.
Spanking with clear warning, with clear expectations, and not overly used; like maybe once or twice in their life=okay, in my book.
But, I also respect those of you who would never spank…personally, I would rather raise a child who is VERY clear about limits and boundries than one who isn’t. I have taked care of WAY to many spoiled, out of control, demanding, disrespectful kids whose parents let them walk all over them, THAT should be illegal.
Break the rules as a child, get a swat. Break laws as an adult, go to jail. Are we or are we not preparing kids to behave well in society? What’s with the over reactive rejection of discipline? I have a healthy, happy, honest, loving and smart pret-teen. He was spanked, with the above in mind. I wouldn’t want anyone to be extremist either way. And what’s with all the jugemental comments? Live and let live folks.

I was a huge pot head in college and I was spanked (not “abused”) as a child. I also believe I was spoiled despite the spankings. I was 30 before I was able to take responsibility for myself. Spanking is lazy, disrespectful parenting. I am strict with my little girl. I require her to be well behaved and responsible. We have a good relationship and she hates it when I am angry with her. She knows violence is always wrong and that I would never hit her. Yelling can be very effective in a hot-stove/busy-street situation as long as you don’t yell very often.

You know what? When my 2.5 year old ran across the street and I was carrying the baby (in his seat, my bag and eggs, you bet he got a spanking. Because that is a hell of a lot gentler than the alternative. We were visiting my grandparents and it was a busy road. Did it hurt him no, did I do it out of frustration, partly, did he ever do it again, nope. Does he now tell me to check before I cross, going on a year later, you bet he does.
It was gentle, he is and was fine.
Judge away, folks.

Pingback from in the waiting line | Lion and Magic Boy

Pingback from Adult blog » Blog Archive » We’re a Nation of Spankers?

The problem is that no one really agrees on what makes a spanking a spanking. When my son was two, he reached for a hot stove and I slapped his hand away so he wouldn’t burn himself. Then he got a hug and an explanation about hot things and not touching. I had his infant sister in the other arm and had I taken the time to put her down and pull him away from the stove, he would have gotten burned. Does that count as spanking?

There is a world of difference between wailing a child on his or her bare bottom with a paddle and applying a light (nonpainful) slap to a diapered bottom with an open hand. There is also a huge difference between a spanking administered by an angry, out of control person and one given by a calm, rational person, and THAT is what I believe is where the line between abuse and discipline lies.

We don’t spank for a lot of reasons. I have friends who do though.

Umm, yeah. What mcglory13 said.

What the hell is MailDeadDrop talking about? Am I the only one confused by this response?

That’s what’s so disturbing, Bean’s mom. YOU won’t give them weight because you know who they are and where the opinion is coming from. Most people will hear that official sounding name and think the ACP is a trustworthy organization. That’s what’s so deceptive about it.

Pingback from We’re a Nation of Spankers?

So if I hit my husband (a big guy who could probably benchpress four of me), I can go to jail. But if I hit my small, defenseless child – that’s discipline? Bleh.

In psych we learned about authoritative parenting, where you instill your beliefs in your child and those become ingrained and the child uses them to self regulate. There are soooo many ways to teach a child that do not involve physical punishment.

This a general question to all readers. Is there ever a case in which you would allow your child pain or discomfort for her or his own good? A comparison might be to performing an intervention in the life of someone who is doing harmful things to themselves or someone else (e.g. addiction, domestic abuse, etc.) I guess I just see a deeper question/conversation here about how people change? How do people get better? Aren’t there examples in our own lives of when we needed someone to withhold something or push us to something we would have not chosen on our own…due to our lack of insight, maturity, objectiveness, etc. Then, how do we as parents translate that kind of benevolent withholding or pushing to the more simplistic world of children? Ideas?

I agree with you in general, but I think you misread what they were saying about child abuse. Non-accidental injury = intentional injury = abuse, even the American College of Pediatricians acknowledges that.