These days there are so many novelty goods/so many ways to waste money, that it isn’t at all unusual to periodically peer into your junk drawer or the back of your closet and find things that are inexplicable in both their creation and their ending up in your world.
Still it is good fun to gawk at this stuff on the internet, or in the Sky Mall catalog when you’re waiting for someone to wander down the aisle and stick a plastic fork through your eyeball because your toddler hasn’t stopped kicking the seat in front of him or her since the layover in Detroit.
So, let’s take a gander at some things that seem kind of cool from afar, but, when actually owned, just might be the first thing to ever make your kid/kids call you a dork.
Daddy, Can I Have a Pony?! 1 of 10I'm not gonna lie here: I want this. Because on certain winter evenings, after a beer or two, to deny to your kids that you are actually part horse is simply,...well, cruel. This "Daddle" only makes long hard rides across the western plains of your den more authentic.
Hey Dad, Why Does Your Pencil Sharpener Look Sad? 2 of 10Here's a little something that can stand, or kneel, to remind every father of how much money he and Mom have spent of diapers and formula. Note: if you get this as a gift from one of your bambinos, you'd better take a good long look in the mirror, man.
Daddy, Why Do I Have Nightmares? 3 of 10Hey, even dear old dads in the Witness Protection Program deserve warm feet. And what better way for them to start the day than by landing in these cozy slippers that just scream Rat with a capital R.
Daddy, Can You Wear Your Rat Shoes Instead? 4 of 10Listen, one of the proudest flags that cultured urbane dads everywhere need to fly is the banner that says: Dude, I love sushi waaaaaay more than you. If you walk the walk in your tuna flip-flops, you are showing your kids straight up: Kids, study hard so you too can enjoy the finer things in life.
Dad, Do You Have Anything Else For The Yard Sale? 5 of 10There is, I suppose, gargantuan business to be had in catering to moms and kids in line at Barnes and Noble who have a thing or two for dad for his Christmas stocking or for Father's Day, but still need that last little chuckle in a box. I reckon they could just sell the box itself, because most of this stuff never even gets opened.
Daddy, Why Are You So Happy When You Watch Nascar? 6 of 10Let's be honest here, this is an invention that a lot of Honest American Sunday Afternoon Couch Potatoes (aka 'dads') will not only use, but will hand down to their little ones (aka 'Spuds'). Whoever invented this will soon be living in a penthouse made of solid gold.
Dad, Why Is There A Man Taking A Silver Poop On Your Desk? 7 of 10Hey, when your children visit your office: when they wander over to surprise you at your cubicle or spend the day with you in your taxi: it helps that they have conversation pieces to keep them from dying of boredom. Paper Clip Pooper knows this to be true.
Daddy, Why Does Mommy Say You Can’t Use Ebay Anymore? 8 of 10Nothing says "Hey, I have expendable income" like Artsy Kitchen stuff. But, look, Banksy's kids probably grow up around this kind of stuff, so why not yours, right?
Daddy, Can We Play With The Toilet Paper Again? 9 of 10Kids, if you are lucky enough to be born into a home where Daddy's R2D2 bog roll dispenser is in plain view for you to mess with: your Mom is either super-cool or in her Pool Boy Years.
Daddy, How Did You Get To Be So Cool? 10 of 10This shirt is the kind of thing that will cause me to buy a man a beer in even the toughest of gin joints. Because it says it all, and only the coolest of the cool could possibly own it.
You can also find Serge Bielanko on his personal blog, Thunder Pie.