Once upon a time, back before she came along, I was just a stick covered in bird crap hanging in the wind.
Life was good, don’t get me wrong. But, like a lot of guys do in their late 20′s and early 30′s, I spent so much time focused on myself. Too much time. I was hunting down things in the wide-open night that don’t even exist.
I was stalking the shadows of shadows.
Everything was all about me, me, me. Work, art, music, money, sex, friendship, Friday night, Sunday morning: it was always about me and just me.
Somewhere out there I knew there had to be something else, something vastly different and inherently better than the self-serving locomotive I was tied to.
I was lonesome.
I was lonely.
Then, out of what seemed like nowhere, Monica came along and we fell in love and got married. And before too long, we had decided together that we did want a child and that the time was now.
So, we set out, scared and green, down that strange path and before long, she came to us. Violet.
Our little girl.
And hot damn.
Nowadays, I spend a good part of my week trying to make sense of how something so wonderful ever managed to come my way. I wasn’t a bad person or anything in my life before my daughter, but I had never pictured myself as someone who was going to be on the short-list for a super kick-ass prize either.
But that’s just what I got, what we got, with the kid.
My happiness has never been more explosive than when I am with her and her brother, Henry. Some guys can’t really talk about how much they love their kids, it seems awkward for them and hard to just say out loud. And I understand that, I guess. I really think I do.
But for me, it’s different.
Before I had Violet, I was a guy standing out there on the corner, smoking a cigarette/watching some creeping bus heading uptown.
I was a just a dude waiting for the world to start.
But with Violet, and then Hank, I am ten thousand Titanic engines, lined up as far as your pretty eyes can see, racing the world around like it was all mine.
Thanks kiddo, for waking me up as much as anyone ever could.
You can also find Serge on his personal blog, Thunder Pie.
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