Decisions, decisions, decisions. I had no idea how difficult it would be to finally make the plunge and decide that it was time to have kids. The difficulty on my end probably shocked Casey, since she was the one who entered that marriage not being sure that kids were in her future.
I came from a culture where young married couples were expected to pop out kids left and right. Yeah, Mormons love their kids. For me, however, kids meant additional expenses and additional time. Neither of which I could really spare.
By the time Casey and I began thinking about maybe having some kids of our own, and by that I really mean just Casey who wouldn’t stop talking about it with me, my own sisters already had two kids apiece. It was understandable that my older sister would be on her second child since she was married several years before Casey and I had even met, but my younger sister got married just a month before we did. There she was with two sons and already thinking about a third.
I don’t know what it was that finally pushed Casey over the edge and made her decide that kids were for just the thing for her. The only thing I really remember is that I was shocked that she thought it was time to start. She sat me down and asked me if I thought we should start having kids and my answer was, “I don’t know.”
That was my answer for the next month, and it really never changed. We decided to discuss it one last time over dinner at a restaurant. I can still picture the details of that restaurant, where we sat, what we ate, what topics came up during the course of the meal, and what concerns we had about having kids. Truth was, I still didn’t know if I was ready, so I asked Casey to answer the question first.
Casey told me she thought it was the perfect time to have a child and she began to glow. There have only been a few times where I’ve seen Casey that happy about something. She had answers prepared for all of my concerns, as if she knew I would come back with a “No” and “Here’s why.” It was crystal clear in her mind that it was time.
Unable to break her heart, I lied to her and told her I thought it was time too.
Here we are 8 years later and it was the best lie I’ve ever told.
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