Conversations With A Three Year Old, Part 1

Henry: The Star Of The No Show.

Yesterday. In the kitchen.

Me: age 40, drinking a lukewarm Diet Coke.

Violet: age 3, having some chicken nuggets and ‘ketchup-sauce’.

Henry: age 1, in high-chair,  smeared in his own banana.

(Camera sweeps down out of the blue sky and races across overgrown backyard peppered with tipped over Big Wheels and plastic buckets and stuff like that, into a kitchen.)


(Three people eating or whatever.)


Henry (out of the blue): No.

Me (surprised): You said,”NO” Henry! Good boy!

Henry: No.

Me: Oh wow! You said,” No!” again and I heard it too, Bubba! I’m so proud of you, little man! That’s a good word to have in your holster, bud!

Violet: No!

Me: Oh baby, I already know that you know that word, you silly goose. But that’s the first time Henry has ever said it, so that’s a pretty big moment.

Henry: No.

Me: Ha! He said it again! Did you hear that Violet?! He said ‘No’ again! Okay, let’s try something. Henry…do you like bread and butter?

Henry: No.

Me: Hahaha! Okay, Henry…do you like….uhmmmm….pizza?

Henry: No.

Me and Violet: Hahahahaha!

Violet: No daddy stop now!

Me: Oh, wait why?

Violet: Henry, do you like bananas?

Henry: No.

Me and Violet: Hahahahaha!

Me: High five me, Violet! That was sweet! (We high five. The camera pans in on my biceps here. Or not. Whatever.)

Violet: Henry, do you like crocodiles?

Henry: No

Me and Violet: (hilarity/high fives/yeah.)

Violet: Henry, do you like cold milk?

Henry: No.

Me and V: (same stuff)

Me: Lemme try now! Henry, do you liiiiiiike……wasabi?

Henry: No.

Me and V: (cracking up like crazy people. She don’t even know what wasabi is either.)

Violet: My turn! Henry, do you like poop?

Henry: No.

Me and V: (Guess.)

Me: (still chuckling) Myturnmyturnmyturn! Henry, do you like dinosaur poop?

Henry: No.

Me and V: (Destroyed by laughter. Destroyed by it.)

(Camera pans back, out the front door, down the street backwards and really fast. Fade to black)


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More from Serge:

25 Things About My Daughter, Violet

The Time Flies Baby And Everything Else Blues

25 Super-Cool Baby Keepsakes For New Dads!