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Daddies Aren’t Supposed to have Beards [Gallery]

Scary Hairy Guy with a Pierced TongueMy 3½ year old daughter has recently started making rather opinionated comments about daddy’s choice of apparel… and my hair cut… and my beard. If it’s starting at this age, what will she be saying when she’s a teenager? I hear you; “Be afraid. Be very afraid!”

Recently she told me to cut off my beard. Not because it was scratchy, but because “Daddies aren’t supposed to have beards.” You see, except for the Beast, none of the male leads in her Disney films have any facial hair.

Daddy promptly went out and bought her a copy of Tangled! I was sure Flynn Rider would save my beard, but now the discussion (well, demands really) have changed from whether daddy can have a beard to, “If daddy has a beard what kind should he have?” What do you think? I’ve put together a Gallery of Beards:

I’ll include my personal opinion under each of the following, but I’d also like some input from other moms and dads. Have you or your spouse gotten the, “Daddy, shave your beard,” demand? And which of these options to you like best, if any?

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  • Who Doesn’t Love this Beard? 1 of 12
    Who Doesn't Love this Beard?
    Good old Santa Clause. As kids we screamed the first time our parent plopped us in his lap at the mall, but eventually we made the connection between that white beard and presents under the tree. Perhaps this is the start of some of our love of beards?
    Image source: stock.exchng
  • The Why Bother Beard 2 of 12
    The Why Bother Beard
    While we are discussing dads and beards, it worth mentioning that when they handed out the beard gene, some of us were short changed. If people keep saying, "You've got something on your face," you probably should give up on a beard.
    Image source: stock.xchng
  • The 70s Dancing Queen Beard 3 of 12
    The 70s Dancing Queen Beard
    I'm not sure if this guy's planning to audition for an ABBA tribute band or as an extra in Borat II (just when you thought it was safe to return to the theaters). Dude, ditch the glasses and hit a Supercuts, ASAP. At least your beard's fine.
    Image source: stock.xchng
  • A Functional Beard 4 of 12
    A Functional Beard
    When a dad is deciding whether to wear a beard or not, if the presence of hair on his face may mean the difference between life and a frosty death; go for the beard. I'm pretty sure your wife and kids would back me up on this.
    Image source: stock.xchng
  • Beards in the Workplace 5 of 12
    Beards in the Workplace
    Clearly the type of job one has may influence whether you have a beard or not; and what sort of beard if you do. Generally a well groomed beard is best if you wear a suit to work. I guess this Miami Vice style almost-beard is one viable option?
    Image source: stock.xchng
  • The Landing Strip Beard 6 of 12
    The Landing Strip Beard
    Technically, I believe this is called a chin strip, but due to its similarity to a common female grooming option, I vote we rename it? You heard it first from me. While we're on the subject of chins, the super thin chin strap along the jaw-line is another look most dads cannot pull off. Just saying.
    Image source: stock.exchng
  • Hipster No-mustache Beard 7 of 12
    Hipster No-mustache Beard
    There's probably a proper name for a beard that doesn't have an accompanying mustache? As for my calling this guy's a hipster beard, I must confess the glasses influenced me a bit there. What do you think? Like it or hate it?
    Image source: stock.exchng
  • Great-Great-Grandpa’s Mutton Chops 8 of 12
    Great-Great-Grandpa's Mutton Chops
    Is it a beard or are they sideburns on steroids? I'm pretty sure these went out of style a century or so ago. Unless you are shipping out with Captain Jack on the Black Pearl at high tide, don't try this "beard", dads.
    Image source: stock.exchng
  • The Soul Patch or Mouche 9 of 12
    The Soul Patch or Mouche
    This bit of hair under the bottom lip I'm told was a style popular among African American jazzmen, particularly Jazz trumpeters in the 50s & 60s. It was picked up by the beatnik set and decades later again by the hipsters.
    Image source: stock.exchng
  • I Call this Beard the WTF 10 of 12
    I Call this Beard the WTF
    Seriously, what's up with this beard? All I can think is it's a desperate plea for attention. Sadly the attention it's likely to garner will not be conducive to procreation, thus very few dads sport one of these bad boys.
    Image source: stock.exchng
  • The Good Old Goatee-Style Beard 11 of 12
    The Good Old Goatee-Style Beard
    Derived from the word "goat," technically the goatee refers just to the hair on one's chin. I call my beard a goatee, though I have a mustache as well. It's popular among dads like me who have trouble growing a full beard.
    Image source: stock.exchng
  • The Full Beard Style 12 of 12
    The Full Beard Style
    If I could grow one of these I would, though I'd probably clean up the neck hair a bit on those days you need to wear a suit. So, which style do you like best? Or do you prefer your mens faces shaved smooth as your baby's bottom?
    Image source: stock.exchng

For more of Michael Schmid’s posts you can find him at adaddyblog.com, and follow him on Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and Pinterest.

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