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Daddy, Can I Join Facebook?! Things I Am Not Looking Forward To As My Kids Get Older

'Daddy, can you take me to the Justin Bieber concert?!'

In a little over three years’ time, I have gone from a man taking care of something beautiful that does not speak to a man answering questions that have absolutely no answer at all.

That’s right, I’ve joined the ranks of people with kids who have learned to speak. And while it’s a magical trip hearing their voices develop and sentences getting strung together, it also bares a bit of serious foreshadowing, too.

Because I know all too well that the day is coming when my kids are going to realize that with the flick of their tongues and the rumble of their lips, they can start to ask me things that I don’t ever want to hear.

Between this wired-up cyber age that we find ourselves in and the never-ending quest that nearly all kids find themselves on to seek out and own every damn material thing down the pike, I suspect that I am man on the precipice of a world of want.

Throw in the fact that before long, they’re going to be asking me for permissions to do stuff, crazy stuff/crazy stuff that scares the bejezus out of me, and what I think I done here is create my own little Frankenstein scenario … with not one, but two young monsters I may have created myself!

It’s okay, though. I mean, I know it’s coming and I will prepare myself as best I can, and beyond that … what can you do, you know?

I love being a dad more than anything in my world, but I have a sneaking suspicion that before long here, I’m gonna be looking back upon the diaper changing/crying fit days with deep nostalgia, as I make my way forward into the wild and savage land of a young girl and her little brother hitting me up for way more than I ever dreamed possible.

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  • The Cell Phone Blues 1 of 12
    The Cell Phone Blues
    Maybe my biggest fear is when my kids finally ask me and their mom for cell phones. It is inevitable, and yet, I dread it. The day is going to come when kids have them at 7 or 8, heck some do already, and I know that there are good reasons for that in some instances, but still. I want them to to be free of the whole 'hooked on technology' thing for as long as possible. Because by the time they are 16 or so, they'll probably be hooked up to their stupid smart phone just like it was a real part of their face. Ugh.
  • Can I Go to the Movies? 2 of 12
    Can I Go to the Movies?
    Oh man, I don't even know where to begin with this one. The day is rushing toward me when my kids are going to want to go places ... with their friends ... without parents, and it rocks me to my core. I understand that, as parents, there comes a time to let go, little by little, yet I know that it is going to break my heart a bit when I first drop my daughter off at the mall someday and just pull away. (Oh who am I kidding ... I'll be dropping her off and then parking secretly and then spying on her from Orange Julius all the way to the Gap!)
  • Everyone Else Is Wearing Them! 3 of 12
    Everyone Else Is Wearing Them!
    Fashion, especially, young school-aged fashion is probably not something I am much good at. I find it hard enough just dressing myself in anything other than rags and combat boots. But it just so happens that every kid hits the point where they want to dress as cool and as hip as the other kids in their class. And I understand that, I do. But, oh the humanity. How will I handle it when they want $200 kicks and short skirts made out of saran wrap and stuff? That will probably be my heart attack day right there, I reckon. "Dad, can I get the new Nike Biebers, they're only 500 dollars and everyone else has them." THUMP. 'Dad...DAD, are you okay?!"
  • Dad, I Need My Own Computer 4 of 12
    Dad, I Need My Own Computer
    The computer thing is horrifying because we all know that cyber space, albeit a helpful and interesting galaxy when visited briefly here and there, is actually a place where most people go to waste valuable time and to seek out trouble and expensive things. But, computers are so meshed into our lives now that to deny your kid one will surely find them calling you a luddite or something and that's a real pickle. I am hoping to pass off Fisher-Price plastic toy laptops as something much more than it is for as long as humanly possible. Ha!
  • Facebook 5 of 12
    Facebook
    It's coming. My kids asking me to be on Facebook ... or whatever the heck is the 'new Facebook' in a few years, it's coming. And man how I want to show them my OWN Facebook feed and say, "LOOK! Look at all this nonsensical dribble that I have to deal with all day long! You don't want to be another dork clogging up the bandwith with dumb music videos and Farmville crap, now DO YOU???!" But I know what the answer will be and I know that it is a losing fight eventually.
  • Dad, Can I Borrow the Car Tonight? 6 of 12
    Dad, Can I Borrow the Car Tonight?
    NO, YOU CANNOT BORROW THE CAR OR DRIVE A CAR OR ANYTHING WITHOUT PEDAL POWER UNTIL YOU ARE AT LEAST MY AGE OR OLDER SO DON'T ASK!"..."But, Daaaaad!"...."TAKE THE BUS! HERE'S A SHINY SILVER DOLLAR!"
  • Bedroom TV 7 of 12
    Bedroom TV
    We have a couple of TVs in the house and we are not strict about TV because, quite frankly, my wife and I thank our lucky stars that we were born unto an era that HAS TV because otherwise we would all be watching the candles burning and we are too high-strung for that kind of hippie crap. But, when my daughter and my son dare to get up the nerve to ask for their own TVs in their own bedrooms, I suspect that I will have to start sneaking my television-watching into far-flung corners of the night. Because I will want to refuse them that modern convenience for as long as I can, mainly because I want to continue MY own financial quest to ultimately have a 100" flat-screen in MY room and buying them their own will eat in to that fund.
  • Dating! 8 of 12
    Dating!
    Oh my God. My kids are going to want to date people someday, huh? I haven't ever even given that too much thought until now, but the stark reality of it is blowing my friggin' mind! How do you do it? How do parents prepare themselves for that night when some pimply faced guitar player or second-string fottballer shows up at your front door in his vintage IROC and says he is there to pick up your daughter? Oh man, I think I might be tailing an IROC that night.
  • Family Feuds 9 of 12
    Family Feuds
    Growing up, my brother and I were at each others' throats constantly and I'd be surprised if things went any different with my two kids. They are close enough in age that they will have many things in common and that's kind of cool, but so often that sort of closeness also loans itself to a million petty arguments and hair-pulling sessions. So, I guess I have THAT to look forward to as well. Lucky me.
  • Music 10 of 12
    Music
    I'm a music guy. I made my living in a band for over a decade and so I'm no old slouch when it comes to what the kids like (actually, yes I am.) But my hopes of raising two teenagers who are into the stuff that I am in to these days ... jazz and big bands and old R&B ... well, that's probably the biggest pipe dream going, huh? I want my kids to like whatever they want to like and I pledge my support to that too. But hey, I know, with my luck, Henry or Violet will be into some new-fangled stuff that sounds like eggs frying over a suitcase dropping down the steps. And I'll just have to grin and say," Hey, that sounds so ... interesting!" Oy vey.
  • Concerts 11 of 12
    Concerts
    With music comes concerts, of course, and so I guess I'll be going to a bunch of swell live shows, too. I never thought I'd say this but please Lord: help me get through on the phone when those Justin Bieber tickets go on sale!
  • All in Fun 12 of 12
    All in Fun
    Well, folks, the truth is, I'm just having some laughs here, really. I mean, sure, I have my trepidations about all the crazy stuff headed our way as parents of kids who will be hitting their teens in the next decade, but so do all parents, I guess. And, when it comes right down to it, I'm actually looking forward to how weird and funny and bizarre it's all going to be. Well, except for that TV thing, to be honest. Because I really do want that 100-incher one of these days!

 

You can also find Serge on his personal blog, Thunder Pie.

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More from Serge:

The Heart Of A Gun: Bad Guys, Bullets, and the Batman Movie Massacre

The Ways Of Love: 20 Things My Kids Have Taught Me About Living

Requiem For A Dinner Table: What Ever Happened To Those Family Meals?

Come On Up For The Rising: Heading Home After the Fire

25 Things About My Son, Henry

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