One of the tricky aspects of our divorce is not an option motto, is that Casey and I can’t really talk about what we would do if we did end up going through a divorce. Divorce sure seems like an option if you’ve already got plans in place.
There’s one aspect that makes me want to ignore our marriage motto and put just a touch of a plan in place in case our marriage does come to an end. I want to talk to Casey about custody of the kids.
When Casey and I both believed we were headed towards divorce and there was no turning back, Casey had put together a plan where she would head back to Utah and Addie would stay in Indiana with me. When we briefly talked about that plan, Casey told me that she was just going to let me have custody of Addie in Indiana, and that made me sad.
Addie and Casey are fantastic together. They stuck it out through law school as if they were teammates on the same team trying to survive some kind of game of life and death. Where you could find one, you could find the other. Although Casey was the parent and did most of the caring for our child, Addie stepped in and did her share of caring too. For instance, one time while sitting in the park, Casey was attacked by a duck. The duck waddled up to Casey and began pecking at her. Fearless and protective four-year-old Addie ran up to the attack-mode duck and shouted,“Don’t peckle my mom, duck!”
The lecture must have scared the duck, because it was done peckling Casey.
After Casey and I reconciled, I talked to her about her plan and why she had decided to just give me custody of Addie, and she said that it was because she thought fighting for custody was pointless. She believed that since I was a lawyer who knew the judges, and one who had worked as a family law lawyer, that her chances of getting custody of Addie were hopeless. (None of her fears would have come to reality, that’s not how the law or court system works.) She had accepted what she thought was her ultimate fate.
If for some unfortunate reason Casey and I end up going through a divorce, I want her to fight for custody. I want her to want to have custody of Addie and Vivi. I want her to want to be in their lives as much as she possibly can be. And I want her to want those things for her own sake and for the girls’ sake.
I want us both to want custody of the girls and I want us to fight for custody. I don’t mean that we have to take unreasonable positions and overlook the best interests of the girls and end up in a trial on the issue, but I don’t want either of us to just lay over and die. I want us to fight for custody until we’re sure we’ve got the best custody arrangement possible for those two girls.
That’s the plan I want to put in place next to our divorce is not an option motto.
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