Huzzah! Huzzah! It’s Festivus time again, folks!
Can’t you just feel those frustrated, pent-up emotions in the crisp, wintery air? Yep, December 23rd is right around the corner.
Festivus isn’t all that old, at least by the standards and religious traditions that define most holidays, but who cares?! I think it’s one of the best inventions of the past 2,000 years, and it’s not just because this holiday isn’t centered around gifts or commercialism, although that’s nice. Likewise, it isn’t about The Feats of Strength or the Festivus Pole either. In fact Festivus, to me, isn’t even about its founder, the man (No. Make that THE LEGEND.), Frank Costanza, who more or less defines modern human living in the western world. And let us not forget that he also founded the “Serenity Now“ style of dealing with the everyday stuff that drives us insane.
I love Festivus for one reason and one reason only:
I mean, what a wonderful, sensible way to kick off a special time of year with family and friends and blahdy-blah-blah – by getting a heap of stuff that has been bothering you ALL YEAR LONG off of your chest. You automatically feel lighter and freer and even prettier, I think! My kids are still too young, but I really cannot wait until we can all sit down next to the fireplace each year as a family and unload our major gripes and complaints about this cruel world onto each other’s shoulders. (Actually, I suppose that could be Thanksgiving dinner too, but whatever.)
Anyway, enough with the nonsense. Let’s get down to it. Here, in all of its opinionated glory, is my Airing of the Grievances for the year 2013.
Read ‘em and weep, people!
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