“Boys,” I started, reluctantly. “It is high time we talk about…” I paused and considered my word choice carefully, “grass.”
Do the kids still call it grass?
I wasn’t prepared to have the talk yet. Very few of the shows they watch address the topic of grass, and the closest batch I know of is confined to a hot, dry spot in the neighbor’s yard. They never water it, and I have no idea how it grows at all.
The boys are in elementary school. They are young and innocent. And yet, they came home from a trip to the county fair with a bag of grass each, and suddenly I had flashbacks of times long forgotten.
When I was a kid I was in 4-H, which is a basically a social club for parents that want to make their kids raise pets and then kill them, or at least that’s how I remember it. I have scars. Also, macramé!
Every year we would spend a week living in a camper trailer at the county fair, mixing in with blue ribbon pigs, carnies, and a midway full of hastily assembled rides — some rides, it turned out, when higher than others.
It was there, somewhere behind the house of mirrors, that I had my first encounter with grass, and the kids that smoked it sold it like the second coming. They also ate a lot of funnel cake.
I was 14, and I didn’t inhale.
Luckily, when my kids announced that they bought grass at the fair it was something much more innocent. It was grass, and I don’t know what in the world you were thinking.
“Okay,” I said. “Tell me again. What did you do at the fair?”
“We made grass heads!” they exclaimed amid the giggles.
And then my wife and I had a laugh, too.
Also, a sigh of relief.
How to make a grass head: Take a nylon sock and fill it with moist soil mixed with grass seed (to make the grass grow like hair, place the seed in first and then add the soil, the seed will then be the top of the “head”) until it is roughly the shape of a large potato, then tie it shut. Place adhesive eyes, nose, mouth, and other objects of your choice upon the sock. Place it in a clear container (we used a cup) so that the bottom of the sock is resting in water. Place in a sunny spot and water often. Then stand back and wait. It’s powerful stuff.
Read more from Whit Honea at his site Honea Express and the popular group blog DadCentric. You can follow Whit on the Twitter or Pinterest (his opinions are his own and do not reflect those of Babble or most rational people).
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